Forgetting to wave to daughter at nursery

[Lolly12]

AIBU to be racked with guilt this morning because I forgot to wave to my dd after dropping her at nursery?

She is nearly 3, and often wants to wave out of the nursery window when I've left her. This morning I got distracted chatting to other staff coming out, so got straight into car and left for work, then remembered 5 minutes later.... I feel terrible, this is the 2nd time I've done it.

Am I a terrible mother? Will the nursery staff think I really don't give a shit about dd? Or am I just being ridiculous about the whole thing?

You are being ever so slightly ridiculous .

You're not a terrible Mother.

You did a very bad thing and you'll need to pay for her therapy in 20 years time.

Yes she'll be scarred for life.

Over....thinking!

I still remember when my mum didn't wave to me in nursery even though I went to all the windows she just walked right on SOB Couldn't tell you if she ever did it again though! As this is the second time then she and the staff are already used to you being a terrible mother

Seriously, it's fine!

Ok thank you! I wish I had a magic potion to stop me over thinking every, bloody, thing.

Give her a massive cuddle when you collect her and say I'm so sorry I forgot

I have done this and I actually went back 30 mins later! (Pregnant and hormonal)
He had been fine apparently. It did confuse him that I wasn't then picking him up on my return

You are definately over thinking... However, I'd be exactly the same, racked with guilt and nausea all day! I'd end up ringing nursery to ask, im a pillock I know! My own worst enemy for sure!!!

Oh good, I'm glad I'm not alone! I also thought about going back, and about ringing the nursery....

haha I'd feel like shit too!!

But yes, it's an overreaction :)

In the nicest possible way, you are being crazy. She's fine. The nursery staff won't have noticed. Don't worry.

Have some

Calm down, you madwoman. It's nice that you have this little routine, but it's not strictly compulsory every day!

When my kids were in Infant school, I used to actually avoid walking past the school at playtime, on my way to/from the supermarket.

It added an extra 10 minutes to my journey and with heavy shopping bags, but I just couldn't bear the thought of them desperately waving to me, and me not be able to spot them and wave back

In reality, they were probably too busy playing to give a mouse sized shite.

Ahaha. Yes I'm a little irrational too, good to know there are a few of us. My little girl now knows how to play me and tells me about her nursery woes by saying 'so and so pushed me, and then I was sad' whilst looking at the floor, one cheek on collarbone, lip on floor. I then give her a treat but am realising the pattern

Touch wood I haven't forgotten my baby. The guilt those people must feel....

Don't apologise for not waving or she will start thinking it's a terrible thing to forget and it will make the whole thing more serious!

OP

I feel you. Whenever I have to rush off in the morning after shoving reluctant DS through the school doors to the teacher I sit on the bus feeling awful, imagining him dramatically sprawled on the floor weeping about his awful mother.

In reality he is chewing the ears off his teacher, giving her a blow by blow account of his activities since she last saw him

Is this a PFB?

I wouldn't say anything to her about you forgetting otherwise it will become a thing - she might not be bothered.

I can still remember the blood-pressure popping stress I felt when I was late picking up DS1 from nursery once. By late, I mean maybe 30mins later than usual. I pounded down the pavements, slaloming through the infuriatingly slow pedestrians, sweat spouting from my every pore. I crashed through the nursery door full of remorse and apologies, child therapist on speed-dial...

...DS1 was nowhere to be seen. Oh my God! He's sobbing his heart out in the manager's office, thought I!

Nope. He was sat on the toilet swinging his legs and shouting, "hello mummy! I'm doing a poooooo!"

DP went out to work in a rush the other day and forgot to say bye to DS (16 months) - he said he nearly cried when he realised he felt so bad! DS was fine I'm sure your DD is too

So probably a little bit unreasonable but sweet!

Okay thank you, you are making me feel less guilty.

I should know better as she's not a PFB In fact I probably did the same with my DS. I'll always find something to beat myself up over!

When ds1 was at nursery one of the girls started to lift him up to the window to wave goodbye to me when he started in a different room. I sometimes waved back, sometimes not, depended on if I'd noticed him or not (I wasn't used to looking to wave, in my defence! I always reckoned on saying goodbye when I was going out of the room rather than driving off).

I hadn't realised that it had become a 'thing' until a few weeks later when I'd popped into the manager's office to sort some stuff out and have a chat as she was a friend from pre-nursery days and show off my new baby only for ds1's key worker to pop in and ask if I could go because ds wouldn't sit down to join in until he'd waved goodbye to us.

I'd said don't be ridiculous, he's never needed to wave goodbye to me before, I've said goodbye to him at the door... but it turns out in those few weeks the girl had built up the waving goodbye at the window into being a really big thing for all of them. Luckily nursery manager agreed with me and told the girl that she needed to pull back on turning it into a big thing, and to not encourage it. However, those few weeks of doing it were enough to screw ds1 for years - even for the first year of starting school. And when he was at nursery and I wasn't leaving immediately I had to tell him that I wouldn't be going straight away so he didn't work himself up into a state.

Needless to say with ds2 I made sure from the start that I asked the nursery girls not to get into a waving habit!

So actually - I think you did a good thing by not waving!

If the worse thing that ever happens to her is a missed wave, she'll have a blessed life.

She probably forgot about it 60 seconds later when Petunia took the best pink crayon.

This morning OP, I dropped my PFB off at holiday club. She is 5. She was sat at the table over breakfast saying how vehemently she did not want to do teepee building today (the day's activity) how she had no friends etc etc. Then, when we got there, she saw one of the staff members walking to one of the play huts and she was off to join him in a flash and she almost forgot to wave goodbye and I certainly did not get a kiss from the little girl who professes to miss me sooo much . I frequently disappoint her by not staying to watch her in the playground at school and I have almost certainly forgotten to wave to her etc. She'll be therapy for years .