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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with my mother

31 replies

carlajean · 14/02/2016 19:14

My son is getting married in Eire and my elderly parents live in the UK. My dad has a hearing dog, but it's just their pet, but that's their business. So the easiest way for them to get to the wedding is to fly and I suggested they might find it easier to put the dog in kennels for a couple of nights. As I've said, my dad doesn't use it as a hearing dog. So my dad said ok and my mum said that if the dog couldn't go she wouldn't go.
I've looked into flying with an assistance dog and it looks like you can, but I feel angry with my mum for priorities (I.e. dog first, then her grandson, who is always very good with them).
Aibu?

OP posts:
formerbabe · 14/02/2016 19:17

Why does it bother you if they bring the dog? Will they be staying with you or other relatives?

MidnightVelvetthe5th · 14/02/2016 19:18

I would think that although it looks very clear cut to you that your mum has issues around anxiety that you are either unaware of or don't wish to acknowledge. I think you are failing to grasp the nuances of your parents thoughts and just want everyone to fall in with your plans as clearly they are halfwits and you know much better then them.

Belleende · 14/02/2016 19:20

Midnight do you know Carla Jean?

phequer · 14/02/2016 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

junebirthdaygirl · 14/02/2016 19:23

Could they go on the boat between both countries?

MidnightVelvetthe5th · 14/02/2016 19:24

No, if I recognize someone on here I would pm them so we could both name change, the superior tone of the op just got to me :)

Why? :)

gleekster · 14/02/2016 19:25

I think YABU. How does it affect you if they do or don't take the dog to your sons wedding? Unless there is a big drip feed here I can't see the issue.

RatherBeRiding · 14/02/2016 19:48

They want to take the dog. They can take the dog.

Maybe to you it's not a big deal to put the dog in kennels for two nights, but it might be to them, for all kinds of reasons.

However they can bring the dog so it's not an issue. Is it?

And I must agree with phequer - a trained hearing dog is very unlikely to be "just a pet" even if your parents treat it as part of the family. I find it very plausible that your mum doesn't want the extra stress of being without an assistance dog when there's not need.

Katenka · 14/02/2016 19:48

She wants to bring the dog.

That's not putting the dog before your son.

She wants to bring the dog, she can. Job done

BYOSnowman · 14/02/2016 19:54

There is more to this than you are willing to see

As a pp says, your dad probably is in some form of denial about needing the dog but your mum appreciates the help it gives as it probably makes your dad more independent of her.

Zippidydoodah · 14/02/2016 20:02

How come they have a hearing dog if it's "just a pet"?

SilentlyScreamingAgain · 14/02/2016 20:14

If you were sitting down with my dad, chatting, he’d convince you that all of his mobility equipment was a sop to his neurotic daughter. If I were sitting next to you, I'd go alone with it. However, he can’t walk.

WorraLiberty · 14/02/2016 20:17

I'm sorry but I don't see the issue here at all.

liinyo · 14/02/2016 20:20

There might also be an element of you colluding with your dad in failing to acknowledge how much support he needs. Your mum, who is with him every day, might have a more realistic idea of exactly how much help the dog can give him.

pinkyredrose · 14/02/2016 20:21

It's a hearing dog but it's not a hearing dog? These dogs cost and awful lot to train, they wouldn't be given to someone who doesn't need one.

BarbarianMum · 14/02/2016 20:27

Does all the organisation around the dog coming (flights, hotels, transport) fall to you? Could you not just leave it to your parents to sort out?

abbsismyhero · 14/02/2016 20:28

your mom has said flat out if the dog isn't going neither am i?

how does that even come up in conversation mom/dad ive been looking into this and the quickest/easiest way is for you to fly pop the dog in kennels for a couple of days and popover for the wedding NO I'M NOT GOING WITHOUT DDOG!?

sounds like a bizarre reaction are you sure you want her at your wedding?

abbsismyhero · 14/02/2016 20:28

i would disengage and say ok you sort it see you there

done

gleekster · 14/02/2016 20:30

myhero it's a hearing dog.

And it isn't the OPs wedding.......

BYOSnowman · 14/02/2016 20:31

I would assume there is more to it. If they are elderly the dog may help the mum out a lot more than op realises and it is a scary thought for her to be solely responsible for her husband.

I don't think it is too much to ask of someone to arrange for an accompanying assistance dog to travel with their elderly parents

Yukismydefaultposition · 14/02/2016 20:33

Hearing dog and dad come as one surely? Just as if he needed a wheelchair or white stick. You would not expect him to leave his wheelchair/aids etc at home.
How does bringing the dog detract from the love and fuss your mum and dad will both give to your son on his special day?

I don't see the link.

I would buy the dog a dickie bow tie and tux for the special day and welcome it into the church/reception as part of the family.

The photos will be fab!

thebiscuitindustry · 14/02/2016 20:33

How can it be a hearing dog but also "just a pet"? Is it a retired hearing dog?

squiggleirl · 14/02/2016 20:33

If they want the dog with them, would it not just make sense to travel by ferry? Having their car could be a huge advantage, given public transport isn't great in Ireland once your outside major urban areas, and even within is nothing to write home about.

CooPie10 · 14/02/2016 20:34

Yabu, it may be just a pet to you , but it's a part of their family. Yes your son is too, but the dog has a place in their everyday life. I don't think you get to say what should take priority in their lives.

slebmum1 · 14/02/2016 20:37

If the dog is actually an assistance dog it can travel with no problem. I can't see the issue.

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