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AIBU?

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Original poster

to change my sons surname

44 replies

Becca1818 · 14/02/2016 12:17

My lb is 12 months old. Me and my partner are not married and we gave our son his surname.
Over the last 12 months we have been getting on less and less to the point where I think I'm going to have to finish the relationship because I no longer want to be with him (we argue on a daily basis).
Would I be unreasonable to change our sons name to double barrelled whilst we are still together to ensure he agrees to it so then it's done for when I finish things?

OP posts:
SmallBee · 14/02/2016 12:18

Nope, do it.

Fourormore · 14/02/2016 12:19

If he'll agree to it now then you would be wise to do it now rather than waiting til after you've split up.

What happens if you double barrel it and then you meet someone else and marry them and take their name?

MattDillonsPants · 14/02/2016 12:21

YANBU. Do it.

Original poster
Becca1818 · 14/02/2016 12:22

Good point furthermore. To be honest being with anyone is the last thing on my mind.

We've had a row today (lovely valentines) and I just can't be bothered with him anymore. He's selfish and lazy and I may as well be by myself.

I'd change his surname to mine but I don't think he'd agree/ I think it's too late.

OP posts:
Original poster
Becca1818 · 14/02/2016 12:23

Fourormore not furthermore

OP posts:
ZiggyFartdust · 14/02/2016 12:38

The child isn't a toy or a pawn to get back at your boyfriend. He has a name, he's had for a whole year, you can't just change it because you "can't be bothered" with your relationship anymore.

Birdsgottafly · 14/02/2016 12:38

I don't think that your Sons name should be dependant on who you're with, tbh.

I don't really understand why, you wouldn't want your child not to carry your name, anyway, but you've gone down that route.

I think that you need to think that if you were to get married in the future, would you take your DHs name? Or give any future children their Fathers name?

A Double-barrel name, would be the way to now go.

crumpeteer · 14/02/2016 12:44

Excuse the question but how would you change your son's last name? Genuinely interested. Deed poll?

Original poster
Becca1818 · 14/02/2016 12:44

Ziggy I'm not using him as pawn i'm considering it to make things easier for when he is at school etc And so his name reflects mine.

It's something we discussed a little while ago but then didn't discuss again. To be honest we should have done it from the start.

OP posts:
Original poster
Becca1818 · 14/02/2016 12:47

Crumpeteer I'm not sure it's even possible. I haven't got as far as looking into the legalities of it yet.

OP posts:
GoblinLittleOwl · 14/02/2016 12:50

If your son's surname is on his birth certificate it is not easy to change; you need to do it legally.
His father would have to consent to any change.

ElderlyKoreanLady · 14/02/2016 12:55

You can do it cheaply by deed poll. I've done it in similar circumstances, though it was after a split. I did it for the practical benefits too...as DD is with me full time, it saves an awful lot of confusion.

Writerwannabe83 · 14/02/2016 12:55

Definitely try and do it.

My sister had two children with a man she wasn't married to and both children got his surname. Fast forward five years down the line and he turned out to be an absolute bastard and now hardly has anything to do with his children. My sister hates it that she has a different name to her children and she knows there is no way he ex will agree for the surname to be changed.

I do wonder why even in this modern society, when children are born to couples who aren't married, the children are still given the father's surname.

ZiggyFartdust · 14/02/2016 12:56

Why would it make it easier for him at school? Nobody cares whether his name is the same as yours, and if you cared about it you would have done it at the start.
You want to ditch his name because you want to ditch his dad.

OhYouLuckyDuck · 14/02/2016 12:57

Keep your son's name as it is but double barrel you name? Then if you get married you can change the part of your name that isn't the same as your son's?

Ryanairbride1234 · 14/02/2016 12:58

So you want to change your sons name twice? Double barrel and then "drop" his dad off? I think that is unreasonable. He's still your son wen with different names. But I can understand why you would want the same. But changing twice is too much. Either change it straight away or leave it I think.

ElderlyKoreanLady · 14/02/2016 13:00

Ziggy OP isn't talking about ditching the name. She's adding hers to it. You're looking for an argument.

Leggytadpole · 14/02/2016 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Leggytadpole · 14/02/2016 13:08

Oh and maybe OP didn't do it when her DC was born because, like me, she thought she would get married to the father and have the same surname anyway at that point.

AyeAmarok · 14/02/2016 13:08

Yes, definitely add your name.

I cannot comprehend why any woman who was unmarried and had a baby would give their baby its father's name and not their own. It is so much easier to change/doublebarrel it the other way if you do get married later down the road.

AyeAmarok · 14/02/2016 13:11

Ziggy stop being goady.

Biscuit
ZiggyFartdust · 14/02/2016 13:12

Ziggy OP isn't talking about ditching the name. She's adding hers to it. You're looking for an argument

I'm really not. She absolutely is planning to add her name in now and then ditch him and drop his name off the end.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 14/02/2016 13:15

goblin to do it legally with the fathers consent is very cheap and very simple.

To double barrel it without consent is also fairly easy if you go to court and likely to succeed.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 14/02/2016 13:16

Where has she indicated that ziggy

Original poster
Becca1818 · 14/02/2016 13:18

@ziggy I'm not intending to drop his fathers surname (it actually goes better than mine).
I'd just like his name to be associated with mine. In hindsight I should have done this in the first place.

I guess I didn't do it to begin with as was caught up in the "having a new baby bubble" fast forward a year and I know better know.

OP posts:
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