to change my sons surname

[Becca1818]

My lb is 12 months old. Me and my partner are not married and we gave our son his surname.
Over the last 12 months we have been getting on less and less to the point where I think I'm going to have to finish the relationship because I no longer want to be with him (we argue on a daily basis).
Would I be unreasonable to change our sons name to double barrelled whilst we are still together to ensure he agrees to it so then it's done for when I finish things?

I'd just leave as it is. His dad is still his dad whether you are with him or not.

And what do you think your son would like? Do you think he would like to carry his father's name? I am assuming you will do everything possible to maintain an excellent relationship with the boy's father. He will only ever have one dad - whether you get on with him or not. One day he will be 7 or 12 or 15 and wondering where he gets his love of football or his talent for writing from (or whatever). His dad is 50% of him. He should - and will - value that.

However you will do what you think is right

oyster

His dad won't stop being his dad nor will there be any less of an association with him if he has a doubled barrelled surname.

It will contain both his parents names.

Here is no need to change it to make it easier at school. It is not a reason. Plenty of children now don't share the same name as their mother or father. Think how many couples split, with children and are later living with step parents? Potentially if the children has their dads name, then they are the same as either mums or step dads.

I don't share a surname with my two. School has no problem with it. If they remember they call me miss Myname. Sometimes Mrs DHname.

However it's totally reasonable to change it if you don't want anything to do with him anymore. If the child aren't going to have his dad is his life, then why his name? And if you don't change the child's name, you have to not mind being called Mrs STBXP name as they do tend to assume it at school until they know you.

I'd do it OP, you're not getting rid of his Dad's surname, just including your own. I'm thinking about doing this for my girl who is a lot older than your DS. She's known by both surnames at school and all activities - it's just her passport and dr who use her official, single surname.

Thank you all I think I am going to look into it.

My dc have my surname and not my partners, we're together but it's something I felt very strongly about so he's Ok with it (just).
Definitely consider getting the name change if it's important to you, it will be easier if you both agree to it.

I don't share a surname with my children and regularly get called Mrs DPname at school. I don't mind because I'm still with and love deeply their father - but I can see it would become irritating over time if I wasn't.

I wish I'd given them my name but it's only in recent years that the realisation of just how pointless marriage is has kicked in. My name is in there as a middle name so I'm not totally forgotten.

My 2 eldest dd's have a different surname to me, I used to get called Mrs TheirSurname at school but it didn't bother me at all - I knew who they were referring to afterall! My dd's were older than your DS when I split from their Dad tbh, and it would have seemed odd to them I think to change their name.

I'm on the fence on this one really as I have honestly never had any kind of issue with them having a different name, and depending on how you think the split might go it could be a case of choosing your battles.

My husband's mother was widowed and remarried and so, since the age of six or seven, they have had different surnames. My husband is proud of his surname and the link it gives him to his first dad. How do you know your child won't feel the same? Also, the school thing, as pps have said is a complete red herring. I was a teacher for 40 years - we're really very used to this 'problem'.

DD (5) has my surname as her middle name. She shares her surname with DH (who I was (still am) married to for many years before she came along). It is precisely zero problem.

I have taken her out of the country alone with no "permission letter" from DH, is/was no problem at playgroup, nursery, school, HV, GP, dentist, child benefit, passport office, any of the countries we've visited.......

Only place it's a perceived problem is Mumsnet.

I changed my daughters name via deed poll, very easy.
I didn't need his consent though due to DV.

I seem to remember that you can change a baby's birth certificate name relatively easily before they are a year old - not sure if you'll just have missed this if you say your ds is 12 months old. If he's almost 12 months rather than just over 12 months it would be worth investigating quickly!

The reason I say this is that we weren't sure about ds2's name and the registrar told us that it was much easier to change it in the first year than beyond...

A deed poll doesn't cost anything.

Don't be taken in like other posters by those companies who try to charge you for it.

I'd do it. I'd hate to have a different surname to dcs.

FYI you can always change your own name to your ex's post break-up.

Might feel a bit weird (people tend to be quite attached to their own name and to not want to be associated with an ex), but if you can get over that it would solve your problem. Depends if you think it's worth it. You can change your own name to anything you damn well like, no reason needed.

If you married in future you could then double-barrel the name you share with DS.

I would do it. The DC have a different surname to me and the school often forgets and call me Mrs DCName. I am married to the DC's father but didn't change my name so it doesn't bother me, but if you were no longer with the father or had had an acrimonious split I imagine it could grate a bit.

VocationalGoat Mon 15-Feb-16 10:51:46

Actually you don't ever 'change' the birth name. So my DC1 legally uses my name and has an affidavit attached to his American birth certificate saying he is legally known as 'current surname'.

I believe that in the UK, if the name is changed while the child is under 12 months, then it's as if that's the only name they've ever had.

If the child is older, then it's a deed poll, but nothing gets attached to the birth certificate, and if they wish to revert to their birth name, I believe they'll have to deed poll back again.