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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to be left alone

50 replies

WhatTheActualFugg · 05/02/2016 23:13

In the bathroom?

I just want to sit on the loo and have a piss in peace.

But apparently I'm not allowed 5 mins in the bathroom on my own before bed. Oh no, that won't do. DH has to walk and start his own bathroom activities before I'm done.

I feel like there's no escape. Someone is constantly fucking hounding me!!

(And before you ask there are two other bathrooms he could use if he can't wait.)

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 05/02/2016 23:13

Lock the door?

Original poster
WhatTheActualFugg · 05/02/2016 23:27

Well, as it happens it's broken.

But it seems a bit rude to lock the door on a spouse. I just thought in my own home I could get some respectful privacy every now and then. Clearly not. Hmm

OP posts:
IJustLostTheGame · 05/02/2016 23:33

Yanbu. My DH walks in and pisses whilst I'm brushing my teeth.
Hmm
I hate it.

janethegirl2 · 05/02/2016 23:36

I just don't care. If I'm happy for my dh to perform cunnilingus, why would I care if he walks in when I'm on the toilet or brushing my teeth or in the shower/ bath?

Original poster
WhatTheActualFugg · 05/02/2016 23:42

It's not that I don't want him seeing what I'm doing, I just want 5 minutes peace!!

OP posts:
janethegirl2 · 05/02/2016 23:45

Treat him like a toddler, if you don't close the door, they don't care. It's only if they see a shut door they investigate......it's worth a try... Wine is the answer for all evils

AgentZigzag · 05/02/2016 23:52

YANBU

Does he know he's crowding you though?

Is it telling that you describe him as hounding you, as not being able to escape from him or getting any respectful privacy/5 mins peace?

Soooosie · 05/02/2016 23:54

Mend the lock? Lock the door

abbsismyhero · 05/02/2016 23:58

use a door stop as a temp measure

my ex used to follow me too he wouldn't talk to me for hours then i needed a piss and lo! a conversation is born!

VegasIsBest · 06/02/2016 06:51

How bizarre. Just say you need privacy and tell him to get out.

Original poster
WhatTheActualFugg · 06/02/2016 07:00

Is it telling that you describe him as hounding you, as not being able to escape from him or getting any respectful privacy/5 mins peace?

Yep. It tells that I have a work-at-home DH and two small children and rarely get 5 mins peace. Confused

Yes, I made it known not very politely and of course he left.

Now I'm in bed listening to the birds twittering while DH is downstairs dealing with a weetabix related melt-down. So all is well. Smile

OP posts:
TubbyTabby · 06/02/2016 07:06

fix that lock on the door.
and tell him his behaviour is not on. i'd hate that.

2rebecca · 06/02/2016 07:11

Our bathroom has a lock but if it's just family we rarely use it as a closed bathroom door is a sign there is someone in it and you don't enter the bathroom if the door is shut. You knock if you want something or think there's no-one in.
Re-establish bathroom related boundaries.

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 06/02/2016 09:20

Surely you wedge the door shut or stick a sign on it or something if you've gone for a poo??

I'd rather stick pieces of Lego dipped in chilli oil up my arse one by one than have someone witness me poo - dh or dcs. In fact, I've never trumped in front of my dh in 14 years of marriage. I'd need to jump off a bridge if he saw me poo!!

Original poster
WhatTheActualFugg · 06/02/2016 09:42

I wasn't doing a poo Blush

Is it U to want to be on my own to have a wee, wash my face, pluck a few hairs etc??

This didn't used to bother me when we were younger. But now we have enough loos for each person living in the house, and a toothbrush for everyone in each bathroom. So now it really winds me up.

Hilariously my kids are the same. DD(5) will be having a poo, door shut. In walks DS(3) to "check on DD", "see what DD is doing", "I just want to talk to DD".

I walked down this morning and before I could see the downstairs loo I could tell someone DH was in there with the door open. The kids were eating their breakfast!! Shock

Yes, some family bathroom boundaries are definitely needed. I think I might put up some 'bathroom rules' signs for the kids DH

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 06/02/2016 09:44

In my house, a closed bathroom door is the universal symbol for "privacy required". I'd definitely draw up some house rules, OP.

DoreenLethal · 06/02/2016 09:49

Go to wickes, get a new lock, go home, and replace the broken one.

Then use it.

Hilariously my kids are the same

They are your kids, you set the standard. If you don't put a stop to it then what do you expect?

Original poster
WhatTheActualFugg · 06/02/2016 09:58

He's only 3!!!!

Yes, family bathroom rules will be instigated (as already mentioned ^)

OP posts:
Fairylea · 06/02/2016 10:02

I would be really annoyed if my family kept popping in every time I went to the bathroom. Just because dh and I have a sex life doesn't mean I want an audience while I have a poo or a wee ! Thankfully we all enjoy privacy in the bathroom so dh wouldn't dream of just barging in or vice versa, neither would dd. Even ds who is 3.8 knows that when I'm in the bathroom I don't want to be disturbed!

dementedma · 06/02/2016 10:02

Just doesn't happen here. No sharing if someone else is in, door shut and locked for a reason. Other than very tiny toddlers, you give other people privacy and bloody well wait.

whois · 06/02/2016 10:14

No sharing the bathroom here. If someone is in the bathroom, you don't go in.

Original poster
WhatTheActualFugg · 06/02/2016 10:20

Well I'm glad to see I'm not being a pearl clutching misery.

They will be told. There are no babies in this house anymore, so no excuses.

(I will hope to achieve privacy without the use of locks though)

OP posts:
Standingonmytippytoes · 06/02/2016 10:23

Dp and I used to live in a fairly small flat I never had any privacy actually only had privacy when I was in the loo other than that a shut door was a reason to investigate. Now that we have kids I rarely get to pee in peace.
You need to tell him you want some alone time at the end of your day and to kindly fuck off.

Ragwort · 06/02/2016 10:26

As others said, you seriously need to establish boundaries NOW. I can never understand mothers (rarely applies to fathers Hmm) who say they can't go to the loo in peace - I have never, ever allowed my DC to disturb me in the bathroom - and they never did.

Equally in over 30 years of marriage my DH has never felt the need to 'disturb' me when I am using the toilet - and I would respect his privacy too.

Don't care if I am seen as a pearl clutching misery Grin.

2rebecca · 06/02/2016 10:31

Agree my kids knew that if someone was in the bathroom you knocked if you needed to go urgently. I did lock the door when they were younger though to enforce the idea that going to the toilet wasn't a spectator sport.