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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with this friend

46 replies

rosie0405 · 04/02/2016 23:13

DH has a lot of acne scars on his cheeks. They're not really noticeable unless you look closely and unless he has that awkward length stubble you can't really tell at all. He is however, quite self conscious about his appearance and he really doesn't like them.
One of my friends brought them up today in conversation saying that she's heard you can get some sort of laser surgery to lessen them. I pointed out that they're really not that noticeable. She commented otherwise and went on to say that obviously it would be cheaper for DH to just grow a beard and cover them up. She then jokingly (I think) added "You don't want X(me) leaving you for someone with better skin!"
DH is not particularly sensitive but did ask me this evening if they were that bad and quizzed me on what I thought about treatment for them. I can tell he's upset although won't openly admit to that.
Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed about this? Were they just throwaay comments?

OP posts:
Allisgood1 · 04/02/2016 23:15

YANBU. She should never have brought it up. If she had made similar comments during a conversation in which one of you brought it up then it would be ok.

MrsChrisPratt · 04/02/2016 23:16

Wow, what a dickhead. Comments like that would (and do, albeit on a different issue) get short shrift from me! I hope you stuck up for him!

AlwaysHopeful1 · 04/02/2016 23:17

Yanbu, she was so rude and out of order. Your Dh is an adult and he could have it sorted if he wanted to, he doesn't need someone to tell him. Her comment about leaving him was Shockeven if she thinks it's a 'joke'.

Penfold007 · 04/02/2016 23:19

Interesting that you describe this person as a friend, I wouldn't.

If your DH wants to investigate treatment to lessen any scarring then an appointment with his GP might be a good place to start. You love him and that's what matters.

WutheringFrights · 04/02/2016 23:23

How bloody insensitive!!
Honestly, please tell her that she was out if order - some people are so thoughtless!
I have a fair few moles on face. Years ago my friend was going out with an aspiring 'actor' who was also v moley. He'd had some of them removed and one day just gave me his 'Doctors' business card.
I was unbelievablely upset as I don't even notice my moles they are just part of my face, it had never occured to me that people might focus on them.
I was really conscious of them for years after that.

Quoteunquote · 04/02/2016 23:29

Would he like to look into laser treatment?

Oh it was a crass way to bring it up.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 04/02/2016 23:34

What a bitch! Shock

I take it she's an oil painting Picasso Hmm

I'd be leaving her for a better friend...

Please tell your DH to ignore - some people are just shallow.

DancingDinosaur · 04/02/2016 23:37

Doesn't sound like much of a friend to me. Pretty spiteful really.

TendonQueen · 04/02/2016 23:47

I agree with Penfold that this person isn't really a friend. Tell your DH he needs to do nothing and is lovely as he is. Tell this person they are incredibly rude and to never comment on your husband in any way again as her views are unwelcome.

Grilledaubergines · 04/02/2016 23:52

Poor guy. That was shitty of her. I wouldnt count someone who knocks DH, and so personAlly, as a friend.

Ifonlylovewouldsavetheday · 04/02/2016 23:52

Is she jealous that you have a partner and therefore feels the need to downgrade him? Shocking behaviour; it's just not on!

Ginkypig · 04/02/2016 23:54

Next time you see this "friend" point out their most obvious flaw in the same way and when she get offended point out your just following her example!

Cheeky idiot!

WilLiAmHerschel · 05/02/2016 00:00

Yanbu at all. When people do this kind of thing I'm never sure if they are intentionally being rude (and if so is it because they are insecure about something) or if they're just a bit thick.

DarkDarkNight · 05/02/2016 00:01

That is awful, your poor husband. She should never have brought it up, and should have dropped it when you said they were barely noticeable not kept digging. You could be kind and say she may be slow at picking up on social cues, but I think the last comment shows her true colours.

lorelei9 · 05/02/2016 00:02

How horrible! I would be asking what she'd taken, is there a batch of "be resoundingly rude for no reason" or "instant asshole" doing the rounds?!

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 05/02/2016 00:03

Shock that's awful!

Clutching at straws, I hope this is completely out of character for her and that she is now utterly mortified... Though it seems like the conversation went on too long for it to be a foot-in-mouth type situation.

Your poor DH. I hope this hasn't upset him too much.

AdjustableWench · 05/02/2016 00:05

Gosh, how rude! Was your 'friend' never taught that it's inappropriate to comment on other people's appearances? Treatment tends to be associated with risks, however small. People wouldn't be tempted to take those risks if other people were more polite.

LalaLyra · 05/02/2016 00:06

That's awful! How rude of her?!

whatsoever · 05/02/2016 00:06

YANBU and that was downright horrible of her.

bessiebumptious2 · 05/02/2016 00:07

I'd have to make up some business cards for a surgeon who undertakes personality transplants and hand her one. With a smile.

How utterly shallow.

bessiebumptious2 · 05/02/2016 00:09

Actually, the more I think about it the more outraged I feel. I'm afraid that a comment like that would be the end of that particular friendship for me. It's a truly horrible thing to say to someone and can only be deliberate.

Even thick people aren't that insensitive.

Topseyt · 05/02/2016 00:19

I might be tempted to text her and say how hurtful and out of order she was, and that if she thinks this is an acceptable way to talk about your DH then she is no friend anymore.

80schild · 05/02/2016 00:29

Unless she us prepared to make profuse apology dump her.

MiddleClassProblem · 05/02/2016 00:31

She's a dick.

If he wants the treatment for his own insecurities though, it can't hurt to look into it. Just keep doing what you probably always have about saying they aren't noticeable and you think he looks gorgeous. I used to have a bit of a thing for them. Think they make men look badass.

QuietWhenReading · 05/02/2016 00:34

I don't think I could ever forgive anyone who made my DH feel that way.