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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset with this friend

46 replies

rosie0405 · 04/02/2016 23:13

DH has a lot of acne scars on his cheeks. They're not really noticeable unless you look closely and unless he has that awkward length stubble you can't really tell at all. He is however, quite self conscious about his appearance and he really doesn't like them.
One of my friends brought them up today in conversation saying that she's heard you can get some sort of laser surgery to lessen them. I pointed out that they're really not that noticeable. She commented otherwise and went on to say that obviously it would be cheaper for DH to just grow a beard and cover them up. She then jokingly (I think) added "You don't want X(me) leaving you for someone with better skin!"
DH is not particularly sensitive but did ask me this evening if they were that bad and quizzed me on what I thought about treatment for them. I can tell he's upset although won't openly admit to that.
Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed about this? Were they just throwaay comments?

OP posts:

tomatodizzy · 05/02/2016 00:36

This person is a friend you say....

Monty27 · 05/02/2016 00:37

yanbu

I'm sorry but I would have to call her on it.

Kryptonite · 05/02/2016 00:50

I pointed out that they're really not that noticeable. She commented otherwise and went on to say that obviously it would be cheaper for DH to just grow a beard and cover them up. She then jokingly (I think) added "You don't want X(me) leaving you for someone with better skin!"
Your friend is an utter cow, regardless of meaning or intent she needs to learn some manners.
I'm the one who has the shit skin, and if anyone said to me "you don't want XXXX leaving you for someone with better skin, do you?" they'd be no friend of mine!

TheCatsFlaps · 05/02/2016 00:50

Your friend is a cunt. Simple.

There's options like Dermaroller, which appears to give good results, too. Your DH should see a dermatologist who could advise on the best options for him.

Bogeyface · 05/02/2016 01:23

H is black and has keloid scars. His worst one is on the back of his head, if anyone pointed them out then I would be pissed off, if they took the piss then I would be fuming.

I agree. She is a cunt.

Valentine2 · 05/02/2016 01:26

Shallow woman . Find better friends.

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/02/2016 01:40

She said to his face?!

I'm really quite shocked. I'd cut her dead, for the rest of time, not because she was rude about your partner, but because she blithely said that in front of him as though it's hilarious.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 05/02/2016 03:00

Next time you see this "friend" point out their most obvious flaw in the same way and when she get offended point out your just following her example!

Cheeky idiot!

This

LaundryService · 05/02/2016 04:04

Oh my god I can not tell you the level of $hit I used to put up with from catty females over my skin.

Sorry for your dh. She sounds an utter bitch.

Some females just pick up on the smallest things and make the biggest deal out of it...they enjoy a) making others feel bad and b) feeling better about themselves.

I could not be friends with anyone who treated any of my family this way. Suggesting you might leave because of his skin? Good god. Has anyone checked to see if she has a brain?

I used to have really bad acne and scars for years. People seemed to enjoy seeing a pretty girl with such an awful flaw. I got tons of comments. It ripped my self esteem to bits. I spent years researching and then getting skin treatments and now aged 30 my skin is not perfect but pretty close to lovely and most people never guess I had such awful acne. I did a fair few different treatments for best results over the course of a few years. Had to work my a$$ off alongside uni just to pay for it but worth every penny. I still do things now once a blue moon but since having dd I'm just not as bothered anymore. Would rather have a lovely bubble bath lol.

I'm sure your dh looks lovely op. If he wants to try improving things there is nothing wrong with that but let him know (as I'm sure you do) how perfect he is already, and that ladies love a little rough and beard!

When I met my dp I told him about my skin troubles and he said to me something about cars...about how nobody minds a few scratches when you're driving a Porsche. He's never made me feel anything but loved and comfortable.

MoggieMaeEverso · 05/02/2016 04:08

"I think you should stop making personal comments. You don't want your friends leaving you for people with better manners"

Damselindestress · 05/02/2016 05:53

What a horrible thing for her to say! I wouldn't consider anyone who could be so hurtful to my DH a friend. It's clear that she wasn't just making a throwaway comment because even when you tried to minimise it by saying they aren't that noticeable, which would have been the time for her to take a hint and STFU, she went on about it and made that awful 'joke' about you leaving him for someone with better skin! She seems to have a nasty knack for homing in on someone's insecurities, like a playground bully. IME people like that don't improve, if called out on their behaviour they insist it was just a joke and you're overreacting. They don't understand that a joke like that at someone else's expense isn't funny, it's nasty and petty. I would really consider dropping her, she has shown her true character. How would you feel if a friend of your DH's made fun of your appearance?

Katenka · 05/02/2016 07:12

Firstly I have to say that when you are close to someone, you maybe don't see how noticeable scars me things -are. I forget dh has a fairly bad one.

But she is an asshole. Yanbu. It doesn't matter how noticeable they are what she said was rude. She isn't a friend.

I can see a friend bringing it up if you and her (or all three of you) we discussing the fact that dh didn't like them. But to bring it up like that was awful. I would have told her that.

The comment about you leaving for someone else with better skin would have got 'wow, you think I am that shallow I would leave the man I love' and the friendship would have ended.

CaptainCrunch · 05/02/2016 08:06

One of the sexiest men on the planet has terrible acne scars..ladeez I raise you one Philip Glenister.

Monty27 · 05/02/2016 23:21

I raise you Cain Dingle from Emmerdale (don't know his rl name) Oh I so would

SanityAssassin · 05/02/2016 23:31

I used to do a fitness class with a beautiful girl - she had terrible acne scars on her cheeks and she was still the prettiest girl there.

SaucyJack · 05/02/2016 23:32

What a twat. Even if he could model as a stand-in for a Danny Trejo, it's still a terribly unpleasant thing to say.

IJustLostTheGame · 05/02/2016 23:36

Wow.
Say you'd choose barely noticeable scars over being a shallow bitch.

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/02/2016 23:36

Wow. What a spiteful, stupid person. Don't waste any more time on her.

Lurkedforever1 · 05/02/2016 23:50

Yanbu. Firstly cos it's just rude to make personal comments, secondly I don't think they are even a negative. Forget the tv stars, I can think of a few men in rl I know that are all the more attractive for them.

Next time I echo the suggestion of making personal comments at her.

Jux · 05/02/2016 23:51

Oh that was mean! If she truly wanted to be helpful she should have talked to you confidentially about it and not been so blunt directly to dh. How well does she know you both? Some people do have close enough relationships because they've known each other since they were babies and are more like siblings, but even so....

Soooosie · 05/02/2016 23:53

Why did she feel the need to put your DH down?

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