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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not read every thread I've ever posted on?

37 replies

FedoraTheExplora · 03/02/2016 19:53

I raised a query the other day asking why there wasn't a way to find out if people had quoted you; where you get a notification like other sites. I was told in no uncertain terms by a few people that I really should read the whole thread if I contribute to it in any way.

Is this mumsnet etiquette? Or is there not people like me who may not have the time or inclination to read 500 posts about vibrators (for example), but if someone had quoted me and commented directly on what I had said, I would like to see it?

Surely the prolific mumsnetters who you see post on hundreds of threads a day don't sit and read every single one of them? How do you get anything done? Grin

OP posts:
BlondeOnATreadmill · 03/02/2016 20:29

Yeh, I agree with you. I can't be arsed to read full threads. It's more important to skip to all of the OP's posts, so you get the whole picture of their dilemma. There are defo people who do sit all day and read every post on a thread. I don't know how they have the time. I find that those users tend to be bullies as well.

Vaginaaa · 03/02/2016 20:43

I agree that people should at least read the OPs posts so that they catch any updates.

I'm in two minds about reading all the other posts though. On one hand, you might not have time to read all the posts so post away. On the other, what makes your opinion so special that you think it's worth reading when you haven't bothered to read anyone else's. Or when people come on and say "don't know if it's been said because I haven't read the thread but..." and then say something that's been said 10+ times. It's rude.

So I think I sway towards the second thinking about it Grin

NoCapes · 03/02/2016 20:45

Blonde I read lots of MN at the moment, but I'm breastfeeding, not a bully
I imagine most other posters that seem to be around all day are trapped under napping/breastfeeding babies too

LilacSpunkMonkey · 03/02/2016 20:47

I find that posters who whine about bullies tend to be goady twats who are looking to start a fight.

Thornrose · 03/02/2016 20:49

Surely the prolific mumsnetters who you see post on hundreds of threads a day...

Is this yet another dig at "regulars"?

LilacSpunkMonkey · 03/02/2016 20:50

And if you can't be arsed to rtft what makes you think that what you have to say hasn't already been said half a dozen times or that your contribution is more important than other people's?

So arrogant to think everyone else's posts can be ignored but yours just must be read.

paxillin · 03/02/2016 23:39

Is this mumsnet etiquette? -Yes it is, in line with social convention in RL. You ask a question/ state an opinion. Then you sit back and listen to the answer or counter argument. You then react to that rather than say something random.

Surely the prolific mumsnetters who you see post on hundreds of threads a day don't sit and read every single one of them? How do you get anything done? Mumsnetters are known for their intelligence, they read quickly and extract information at a glance. There are also many (often dreadful) threads where the same thing is stated over and over again because people didn't RTFT.

If you want to speak to a particular poster and exclude all others, a private chat room would be more appropriate. Or maybe a pm, email or Skype would work for you.

Pipbin · 03/02/2016 23:46

The reason you don't get notifications is that people don't quote you as such like they do other forums, they just lift the text or mention your name.

Also, yes you should read the thread. It's silly when an op asks a question, others reply with suggestions, the op then gives further information or agree to follow a suggestion. Then some random turns up and says something like 'can you take the kids to your mum's', when it has already established that the op's mum is dead or something.

Thecatisatwat · 03/02/2016 23:53

Yes I do tend to RTFT and (especially if its a practical question being asked) mostly if someone's already said exactly what I would have said I don't bother posting.

I tend to avoid the really long threads because they take too long to read.

imwithspud · 03/02/2016 23:56

Most of the time I do rtft. Especially if it's one I've been following from the start. I'd never make any actual posts if I sat and read every single comment on some of the longer threads though and sometimes I simply don't have the time to sit and read 500 comments before adding my piece.

That said I do try and skim through to try and get the general gist of what's been said.

Junosmum · 04/02/2016 06:17

I'm with Nocapes- definitely trapped under a breastfeeding child most of the time-

but I get you. You read the full thread up until your comment and then after that mostly I want to read the OPs subsequent comments and any who have quoted/ mentioned me.

AlpacaMyThings · 04/02/2016 06:50

Blonde There are defo people who do sit all day and read every post on a thread. I don't know how they have the time. I find that those users tend to be bullies as well.

Absolutely^^

If not the bullies, all seem to comment on each others threads, thus making them longer than if I had posted the same thing.

HoneyDragon · 04/02/2016 06:59

Weird generalisations ... How can you know?

I think it's rude not to read a thread. I mentally associate it with people that loudly and rudely interrupt conversations to give their opinion and then get marked when it's unheeded.

AuntieStella · 04/02/2016 07:06

Of course you should RTFT.

I've seen some dreadfully inappropriate posting on threads where people clearly haven't.

I think I'm a fairly prolific poster, but am not bothered about whether anyone mentions or quotes me, perhaps because it's so rare I don't expect it Grin

Also because I find the thread is usually considerably more interesting than my bit. And because the whole conversation is considerably more important.

Arfarfanarf · 04/02/2016 08:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoctorTwo · 04/02/2016 08:27

That thread's hilarious HoneyD! The first pp failed to even read your op. :o

Lweji · 04/02/2016 08:31

I found the accusation that people who rtft are often bullies quite hilarious.
And no, I haven't even read the rest of this thread. Just the latest posts.
But, to the OP, if a thread has 500 posts I either skip it, or go through the OP's posts. Unless they are on a WUM mission.

Lweji · 04/02/2016 08:36

Sometimes I tease the OP a bit lot by saying YABU to the question on the title rather than the actual OP.
Example:
Title: AIBU to ask why people rtft?
Op: we shouldn't have to rtft and post randomly if we want to.
Me: YABU.

PurpleDaisies · 04/02/2016 08:38

I don't get it either. Posting is not compulsory. If you haven't at least skimmed the full thread and read the op's updates just don't bother posting on it. It is amazing that people think they've got something original to say 25 pages in.

EmpressOfTheVulvaCupcakes · 04/02/2016 08:49

As a pp said, quoting isn't really a thing on MN. I doubt notifications would be physically possible. Or at least Tech would need a lot of cake.

As to why it's best to RTFT before posting (or even just to read all the OP's posts, which you can conveniently highlight), not doing so can make you look rude, a twit or even a rude twit. It's one thing on a "funny things kids / pets do" thread, but anywhere else, if it's a 500-post thread don't you see that responding to the opening post is a bit pointless? Anything could have happened in the meantime and your comment or suggestion will have been made a dozen times already. Saying "I haven't RTFT yet but..." does not help.

Muskateersmummy · 04/02/2016 08:49

I think you really do need to read the whole thing. Often more info comes out as the "conversation" progresses me. It's really frustrating when people add their help without all the info because they haven't read the whole thing.

I don't read all the threads just the ones that jump out as interesting, but if it's something that's made me feel I could or should comment I like to have read the whole thing first.

Original poster
FedoraTheExplora · 04/02/2016 10:04

I don't mean reading only the first post in a thread of 500 and replying, I get that's silly as you don't know where the conversation has progressed too.

I meant if you saw a thread with 20 posts or something, wrote a comment because you thought it was vaguely useful or interesting and you check back after a few hours and there's 500 posts on the thread. I might not have the time or inclination to read whether hundreds of people have decided the person is U or NU or whatever, but if someone has specifically took the time to agree/ disagree with me or ask a question regarding my post, I would like to see it and respond appropriately. I don't think it's rude - in fact it's probably rude to not respond to somebody quoting me because I've missed it through the thousands of posts, but I don't think it's rude not to read every reply the OP has got - she/ he isn't me, they're not replying to me.

but I get you. You read the full thread up until your comment and then after that mostly I want to read the OPs subsequent comments and any who have quoted/ mentioned me.

^ this. Glad a few people see my point. And it wasn't a dig at regulars at all. I am finding myself becoming quite addicted to MN. Though I guess if I'm more suited to chat rooms and Skype as a PP says, I better make myself scarce Grin

OP posts:
Lweji · 04/02/2016 10:30

Oh, don't worry if you don't respond appropriately to someone who disagreed with you on a 500 post thread.
Most likely:
Nobody cares or remembers it.
Someone else has done it for you.
Your point was not defendable if the above didn't happen.
You actually don't care enough about the subject to have only returned to it 500 posts later.
The subject is not worth returning to if it filled up with 500 posts in a few hours.

Lweji · 04/02/2016 10:32

Forgot one:

Someone else will helpfully point out that you didn't reply to the point raised if it was that important. Even PM you.

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