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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel so piddled off

50 replies

Ginandribbons · 01/02/2016 12:32

So I've been stewing on monster in law issues and gotten myself so worked up I can't seem to reason with myself anymore.

My in laws think they're the worlds best grandparents (don't they all) however in reality they do not bother with my daughter at all, she is their first and only grandchild but they make no effort. We have to ask to go to see them and often they say they're busy or if we do go over they just sit there and do nothing. They chose not to come to dd 1st birthday party, instead going to the wedding of a cousins son who they don't even know (but hey it's a free dinner!) but when another family member decided to make passive aggressive comments about not being invited which I called her out on, mil deleted me on fb...such drama!
We're now expecting our second baby and things are still tense with mil, the rest of the family have barely congratulated us on the new baby but...and this is what really effs me off...she has announced via fb that she is getting another grandchild and everyone is delighted for her.

I know the Facebook world is the source of much antagonism in families and things get misconstrued but am I really going to have to sit her down and tell her she's acting like a 12 year old girl? The grown up side of me that wants my dd to have a proper relationship with her extended family knows I need to address the situation like an adult but good lord I really just want to punch her in her stupid fucking face!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 01/02/2016 12:37

I'm sorry but I can't for the life of me, see what she's done wrong? Confused

I fondly remember my grandparents just sitting in a chair when I went to visit. I didn't really expect them to 'do' anything, other than chat.

I many people (myself included) who think throwing a party for a baby is a bit unnecessary.

And as for Facebook....well it's just Facebook.

Congratulations on your baby and try to lighten up Thanks

Ruthiesj · 01/02/2016 13:08

Similarly, I don't see a huge amount wrong here. It is frustrating admittedly that they don't initiate contact more and deleting you on FB is pathetic.

However, the rest sounds pretty normal. Your in-laws sound like busy people with an active social life, which is a good thing. If they're busy on a day you suggest visiting, they're busy. They can't be expected to drop their plans.

Also, a family wedding would trump a child's birthday party as far as I'm concerned (even if she doesn't know the bride and groom, presumably there will be other family there)

ZiggyFartdust · 01/02/2016 13:21

Maybe its you they don't like much, what with your being rude to people on facebook and your aggression and nastiness about them?

ProfGrammaticus · 01/02/2016 13:25

In the nicest possible way, OP, yes YABU. She has wound you up and I understand that. But the Facebook thing isn't anything you should be mad about. Have a cuppa and calm yourself down. Really. This isn't a bad thing, even if other things are not how you would like them to be.

Ilovenannyplum · 01/02/2016 13:36

My mum does exactly the same, has very little contact with DS but makes out she's super Nan on Facebook (reposting pics I've taken and captioning like she's there, lots of statuses etc) all her friends comment and she just takes all the praise.

Drives me potty, but can't explain to other people why it annoys me so much iyswim?

leelu66 · 01/02/2016 13:58

YANBU. Your family member was rude to bring up not being invited on Facebook and your MIL was unreasonable to delete you on Facebook because of it.

Did she add you back onto Facebook? I would have let her stew and not accepted the invite for a few months.

I would cut back on visits, maybe they will realise they miss their DGD.

DontCareHowIWantItNow · 01/02/2016 14:07

I'm sorry but I can't for the life of me, see what she's done wrong

I agree. It seems as if MIL can't win whatever they do.

Shutthatdoor · 01/02/2016 14:08

good lord I really just want to punch her in her stupid fucking face!

Wow. You talk about your MIL then say that.

Try growing up.

LazyDaysAndTuesdays · 01/02/2016 14:09

I really just want to punch her in her stupid fucking face

Aren't you delightful Hmm

leelu66 · 01/02/2016 14:10

Newsflash - feeling like you want to punch someone's face in doesn't mean you're actually going to do it.

Don't take everything so literally. Hmm

Twitterqueen · 01/02/2016 14:12

OP
I'm afraid you're the one acting like a 12-year old girl.

Scratch that actually - mine wouldn't punch anyone in their stupid fucking face.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 01/02/2016 14:25

Wow. She announced happily on fb that she's getting another grandchild! What a monster! And what's wrong with just sitting there when you visit? That's what 90 per cent of grandparents do. You sound horribly childish and precious and seem to think the whole world revolves around your children. Well it doesn't.

Bubblesinthesummer · 01/02/2016 14:27

Newsflash - feeling like you want to punch someone's face in doesn't mean you're actually going to do it.

Newsflash - saying that about someone when you are saying their behaviour is bad, is childish and somewhat waters down your arguement.

OP YABU

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 01/02/2016 14:27

Oh and the phrase is 'pissed off'. 'Piddled off' means nothing.

leelu66 · 01/02/2016 14:33

Bubbles - it could just be that OP needs to vent?

No one is above childish behaviour.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 01/02/2016 14:39

Do you know, sometimes, as an in law, you can't do right for doing wrong. If you contact regularly, you're interfering, if you don't, you're uncaring. What do you want the in laws to do when they visit- play games, take her out, what?

I don't understand what these in laws have done that's so dreadful. They do (still) have a life as well as being grandparents.

GoblinLittleOwl · 01/02/2016 15:18

Dear, dear me.

Katenka · 01/02/2016 15:33

I am with the previous posters.

I cant see what she has done wrong.

Quite honestly if two log my relatives were bickering on FB or 'called eachother out' I would delete you too.

Was it passive aggressive or are you just quite sensitive?

ZiggyFartdust · 01/02/2016 15:34

Newsflash - feeling like you want to punch someone's face in doesn't mean you're actually going to do it

Newsflash, well fucking duh. The actual point being that talking about your family like that for no good reason is still pretty shitty.

leelu66 · 01/02/2016 15:48

Ziggy - telling a stranger 'well fucking duh' is pretty shitty too. What does adding 'fucking' in your sentence to me add? Seriously, grow up.

ZiggyFartdust · 01/02/2016 16:02

You have a problem with me swearing in a comment but not OP swearing when attached to the idea of punching someones fucking face in?
Odd, to say the least.

abbieanders · 01/02/2016 16:05

I really just want to punch her in her stupid fucking face

Maybe, despite being evil, she has feelings and senses you antagonism? Not sure whether I'd feel welcome in the home of anyone who felt that aggressive towards me.

leelu66 · 01/02/2016 16:12

Ziggy, the difference is that the OP's MIL is not here, and it's unlikely that OP will say the word to her face. It's venting. It happens here every day all day.

PiperChapstick · 01/02/2016 16:23

Fuck me. I'm dreading being someone's IL - it seems they can never do anything right! She posted on FB that she was gonna be a granny again. What's wrong with this? Did you expect her to say "FFS another grandchild, I hate grandchildren, oh well never mind".

Seriously OP how do you expect her to behave?

ZiggyFartdust · 01/02/2016 16:26

Oh, so its fine to swear and talk about punching someone in the face behind their back, but awful to swear at someone directly?
What strange morals you have.

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