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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this is a bit mad? (PIL-related, sorry!)

32 replies

ShitFacedTinyTim · 31/01/2016 07:16

PILS are long since retired - a decade for FIL and over 5 years for MIL. (Early retirement -they are not extremely elderly, just to get the facts in order!) There is nothing wrong with getting up early if that's your body clock, but they insist on setting the alarm and getting up at 6:45am on Sundays to 'make the most of the day'... then sit around procrastinating and repeatedly asking each other if they'd like a cup of tea for at least 5 hours and never actually leave the house until gone lunchtime. Which they have at 11:30 because of getting up so bloody early. Hmm Am staying with them now and have just settled down in their kitchen for my very first cup of (revolting, weak) tea for the beginning of the endless discussion of all the things we could do today that we will never ever do, and whilst they are sweet and harmless, I am also ready to scream.....

OP posts:
Pandopops · 31/01/2016 07:20

Oh god, how long are you staying for?
Tesco cafe opens at 08.30, get a decent tea/coffee & cooked breakfast.
Tell them you need to go shopping urgently for Tampax on your own Wink

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 31/01/2016 07:22

Sounds as if it is time for your new years resolution to kick in and go for a run to the nearest cafe and read the Sunday papers and then get back at 11 and find out what the plan is.

Pandopops · 31/01/2016 07:22

09.30 it opens. Sorry!
Go swimming before it opens, that'll kill another hour and a half Grin

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 31/01/2016 07:25

Take control and have a plan of what to do.

Chottie · 31/01/2016 07:28

Oh dear!

Do you have to get up as early as them?

I'm a DM and I do wake up early, but I never expect adult DD and DSiL to get up until they want to when they come to stay. However their bedroom door may open and DGS emerges sometimes :)

TBH I could not stand all that faffing around with non existent plans either. What would happen if you said great, why don't we do x, y or z and grab your coat and say let's go. When they look surprised, just say, we're up, we're ready, let's make the most of the day :) and go without them if necessary.

Regarding the tea, why don't you say that you prefer stronger tea and just make your own tea? whilst adding how nice it is not to not stand on ceremony when visiting family.....

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief · 31/01/2016 07:28

When they come up with their first idea, jump up and say 'great idea', grab everyone's coats and usher everyone out of the door.

WhereTheFuckIsWonderWoman · 31/01/2016 07:28

Why are you up with them?! Can't you at least have a lie in even if they don't want one?

ftmsoon · 31/01/2016 07:45

6.45am is not that early, certainly not early enough to need lunch at 11.30!
However, yy to bloody procrastinating!!! Agree with PPs, go out and get some bread/milk/exercise and enjoy some free time

mouldycheesefan · 31/01/2016 07:50

Oh goodness yes, old people that get up early to make the most of the day when actually there is no need.
It does sound hilarious, keep us updated on the shenanigans.

Phineyj · 31/01/2016 07:51

My sympathies, people like this drive me spare - especially if they keep talking to you and you can't even read or mess about on Mumsnet. Would they be offended if you went out for a walk?

Original poster
ShitFacedTinyTim · 31/01/2016 08:00

Sadly I have tried many times over the years to suggest plans, but any suggestions still needs the requisite 5 hour faff 'will we all fit in one car, do you think? Will we need coats or will a jacket be enough? Shall we perhaps take the dog, or should we not? Ooh, will we have lunch out, or here, or just a cup of tea, or should we have one before we go?...' Ditto, going anywhere to escape- much discussion of who, if anyone, would like to come, taking of dogs, need for coats, umbrellas etc.' Making my own tea would alas be met with gasps of horror as I hadn't triple checked that every single other person in the house wanted one and then used more than one tea bag for the giant teapot. Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
ShitFacedTinyTim · 31/01/2016 08:01

And as to going back to sleep- the radio, tv and heating must always go on full blast at 6:45....

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 31/01/2016 08:05

This , I'm afraid, is an argument in favour of not staying over night with ILs. Hope you escape soon.

Original poster
ShitFacedTinyTim · 31/01/2016 08:10

Ooh, FIL's 3 minute oven timer has just gone off - time for more weak tea... Grin

OP posts:
Karoleann · 31/01/2016 08:16

Earplugs?

Making a plan the night before so that everything is packed and ready to go the next day. Maybe book an early lunch out....

Hackedabove · 31/01/2016 08:17

Can you decide what you want to do, announce it, invite them to join you, you're leaving in x minutes and go if they're not ready?

WannaBeAMummy16 · 31/01/2016 08:43

My relationship with my ex broke down due to his familys constant faffing. Everything was a discussion, there were both parents and 2 brothers plus my ex. I stayed with them most weekends and it was fucking awful. They had the same roast dinner every single week with the same tinned veg and every fucking week there was a discussion on went to put the frozen roast potatoes in, when to put the tesco value range yorkshire puddings in etc. It wasn't just the dinner, it was everything.

Oops sorry went off on one then haha

Cuppaand2biscuits · 31/01/2016 08:44

Oh no, mine do the 5 hour faffing and planning too. Mine have a holiday home so we often stay with them. Mine are not early risers though, perhaps up about 8.30, cup of tea in bed, eventually having breakfast about 10am. Perfect for a lazy retired person but when I've been up with dc since 7 I'm ready to get moving.
We then have the discussion about what to take, mil packs bag full of all sorts for herself and fil. It drives me crackers that I can be ready with everything the small dc (nappies, swim nappies, wipes, spare clothes, snacks, sun hat, sun cream) ready in 5 minutes while she's still faffing an hour later!

0hCrepe · 31/01/2016 08:53

I love my mil but we do chuckle sometimes about her need to know the meal schedule in advance. She was coming to us once arriving in the afternoon about 4 and she asked if she should have 'lunch at lunchtime' either on the train or before to which I naturally replied yes. When she arrived I was making tea- spag Bol or something quite big and she said oh I'm not hungry I was thinking more of a sandwich because you told me to have lunch at lunchtime. 'Lunch' apparently meant 'large meal'! I'm learning to be more specific about eating plans so we're all clear!

Original poster
ShitFacedTinyTim · 31/01/2016 08:59

Oh god YY to the meal planning. My PILS seem to assume I am permanently on a diet, just because I can't face a full Sunday roast at 11am!!

OP posts:
0hCrepe · 31/01/2016 09:04

Yes and she's tiny and doesn't eat much but if she doesn't know what the meals are for the day it really bothers her. She is fab though I'm happy to make sure we've got a plan!

Hissy · 31/01/2016 09:14

Why do you do this to yourself? Seriously?

get up and go out yourself, and on the way look up a premier inn.

LindyHemming · 31/01/2016 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat · 31/01/2016 10:32

Offer to take the dog for a walk?

littleleftie · 31/01/2016 11:03

I don't really understand. Why can't you just say you are doing X, Y or Z and leaving in 30 minutes? It doesn't have to be anything epic - as PP have said, you are taking dog for a walk, going to get the papers, need something mysterious from the shops?

Or maybe DH should visit them without you more often?

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