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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be struggling with pregnancy

32 replies

Colddayonthebeach · 24/01/2016 14:50

I am single and 9 weeks pregnant and really struggling. I am sick all the time, even when not retching or vomiting I feel it, am exhausted and can't sleep.

I feel this should be a happy time but it's awful.

Has anyone been through similar and was ok when they gave birth?

OP posts:

Skullyton · 24/01/2016 14:53

The first trimester is wretched, especially with the tiredness and sickness, so no, you're nbu. It will get better though.

MrsBartlettforthewin · 24/01/2016 14:59

Until the vomiting stops I'm always happy in the abstract but the day to day living of early pregnancy makes me miserable it can be horrible and makes me wonder why I'm putting myself through it. Once the baby gets here it does kind of make you forget how terrible being pregnant is. Plus you might find once you get into the second trimester that you feel much better.

Be kind to yourself and don't worry about how you 'should' be feeling accept how you are feeling and that it's okay to feel that way.

Cinnamon2013 · 24/01/2016 15:05

Hi. Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I completely empathise. I'm 37 weeks now, second pregnancy. I haven't enjoyed this at all and the first trimester was crap! Really felt negative and awful. I feel like now the excitement over meeting the baby has overtaken the physical rubbishness of being pregnant. But I know friends who hated the whole lot and still got on really well when the baby actually arrived. The pressure to enjoy pregnancy isn't helpful.

How are you feeling in general about the idea of being a mum (if this pregnancy is your first) or adding to your family (if not)? Do you have RL support? Is the dad aware/involved at all, and how are you feeling about that?

Good luck and be kind to yourself, take it a day at a time. Second trimester will hopefully be much easier for you.

Original poster

Colddayonthebeach · 24/01/2016 15:09

Sometimes I think I want to be a mum, other times I feel everything is really very black and I'll be hopeless at it, there won't be any good things. I'm just very anxious and don't know what I'm anxious about.

OP posts:

Katenka · 24/01/2016 16:10

You are probably anxious because pregnancy and having a child is a big thing. It's entirely normal to be anxious. It may be worth mentioning to your mw at your appointment as she maybe able to point you in the direction of local help and advice.

My first pregnancy was horrendous until 12 weeks and 3 days. I know the exact day I was last sick as I was in hospital as I was so ill.

I didn't enjoy either pregnancy though but coped well with labour. I was so relived pregnancy was over, it helped with the pain.

FluffyPersian · 24/01/2016 16:23

It's not happy.

It's crap - It's like this massive conspiracy that you're supposed to be happy and excited, when actually I found it really, really shit. Depending on how down and anxious you feel, I'd suggest talking to your GP... it seems that atenatal depression isn't as well identified as post natal but it's certainly real.

Be honest with how you feel and get support if you need it.

Theladyloriana · 24/01/2016 16:56

I really struggled with both my pregnancies. There is ridiculous pressure to enjoy pregnancy. It's a highly hormonal, physically hard, difficult experience. It's also scary. Being a mum is a wonderful thing , but none of it is easy, ime. Best of luck

trian · 24/01/2016 18:24

read post but not thread
I am single, have been for years, just had baby. You're not being unreasonable for feeling like this. I had constant morning sickness if I didn't do certain things and sometimes even if I did. I was angry that people that can afford to speak up about it don't. I wasn't permanent at work when I had it so I couldn't afford to speak up about it.
There is a pregnancy sickness support website, google should get you to it. There are support threads on here too I think, there are remedies you can try. I was pissed off that I was expected (by society) to be in work just cos my sickness happened to be caused by pregnancy. If I'd felt that shit when I wasn't pg there's no way I would have been in work.
I've never heard of it continuing once you've had the baby, but have heard many times that pregnancy ("morning") sickness and even hyperemesis gravidum, (wrong spelling) disappear completely the moment the baby is out. congrats on the baby, it's on easy for us singles I don't think xxx

ThisisMrsNicolaHicklin · 24/01/2016 19:43

I hated being pregnant both times. For me it was an anxious, sickly time. However, once I had my babies I was delighted. Even a couple of nasty bouts of PND couldn't take the shine off having my lovely, lovely
boys :)

Dollymixtureyumyum · 24/01/2016 19:44

I don't know where they get the idea that women "glow" during pregnancy. Everyone I know including myself has hated it.

stairbears · 24/01/2016 19:48

Ask for anti sickness meds?

ThirtyNineWeeks · 24/01/2016 19:52

OP, I knew from your opening post that this wasn't only about the sickness. I think you have antenatal depression creeping in and you ought to ask for a MH midwife. I have one (i take cetalopram) and you are very much cared for when you reach out for help. Please don't suffer alone. No one will think you are a butter or inept or a rubbish mum-to-be.

RumbleMum · 24/01/2016 19:53

I loathed both my pregnancies. Especially the second, when I felt very low and really struggled. Having two DC to look after was much easier than being pregnant for me, though of course everyone's experience is different.

It's natural to be anxious. But do speak to your midwife about it as it's important to take advantage of the support available. And if you're being really sick and struggling to keep food and drink down, do also see your midwife even if you're not scheduled for a visit.

RubbleBubble00 · 24/01/2016 19:54

I want sick but first trimester was a killer as I just wanted to sleep. Ended up taking sick off work and sleeping

BifsWif · 24/01/2016 19:57

YANBU. I hated pregnancy. Hated it. Sickness for 20 weeks, then extreme heartburn, mood swings, depression. It's meant to be joyful, but I didn't feel a bit of joy in either of my pregnancies.

Found labour really easy both times though and love my little ones so much it hurts. Be kind to yourself. Hope you feel better soon

PegsPigs · 24/01/2016 19:59

I had the most god awful hyperemesis with both my pregnancies. Bone aching weariness, pelvic pain like being cut in 2 with an ace, itching to the point of making my legs bleed, raging heartburn, carpal tunnel syndrome. You name it I had it!

But. I have 2 wonderful DDs who make all of the suffering worth it. I went through a lot to have them and I wouldn't swap it for the world. If you want to be a mum this is what you'll have to get through. For me I knew the second time it would be worth it but for the first I confess I has deeply hidden doubts I'd be a shit mum who resented my child for all the suffering. I don't for a second think those thoughts now. No one is born knowing what to do. Maybe some people have this 'mother's instinct' but I just made it all up as I went along and it seems to be going OK!

ElasticPants · 24/01/2016 20:07

The first few months of Being pregnant with ds were awful. The only thing I could keep down were apples, full fat Coke and he occasional ham and cucumber sandwich. I lost a lot of weight and would be crawling to the bathroom to be sick. It was a hot summer too, so spent it laying in the coolest room not moving.

At the 15 week mark it suddenly dissappeared.

kesstrel · 24/01/2016 20:38

Just want to emphasise that I believe it's fairly common to feel much better at some point between 13 and 20 weeks, so don't feel it's inevitable that you will have to put up with this til the baby arrives. I had a horrible time up til about 17 weeks, then suddenly felt not just better, but really good.

blueturtle6 · 24/01/2016 22:00

Awful pregnancy, fab 2 hour labour and beautiful daughter. Hang in there re sickness try ginger tablets.

d270r0 · 24/01/2016 22:04

If the sickness is too much you should go to your doctprs and they can give you something for it before it gets too bad.
About 10% of women have constant sickness ie. Sick up to 60 times a day during pregnancy. With some women this stops but some it carrys on. Its not a problem if treated correctly with the right medication. If not treated correctly it can end up very badly, in hospital. So please, if you are being sick very frequently every day, see your doctor asap. If you can't keep any food down at all you will get ill from lack of food and dehydrated, which is bad for the baby. It can be easily treated.

TwllBach · 24/01/2016 22:12

I feel for you OP I really do. I'm 26 weeks pregnant and while not exactly pregnant, DP and I don't live together and although we are trying to make it work, have no plans to do so before/immediately after the baby is born. I am looking at being homeless after the baby is born.

I still haven't been more than a fortnight without being sick and have SPD that is crippling me and making me miserable because it highlights just how alone I am. I'm desperately tired and lonely and in pain but have to work and shop and walk the dog etc.

I don't know why I'm posting, I can't say anything to help... Although actually, I've been feeling the baby move since around 18 weeks and now he's properly kicking and that has helped me see what an amazing thing this is, at the same time as this being the most desolate, difficult time I have ever had to experience.

Sending lots of unMNy love your way.

TwllBach · 24/01/2016 22:13

And while not exactly single

Poppyred85 · 24/01/2016 22:23

Sorry you're having such a rough time. It's ok not to be enjoying pregnancy. For some women it's really hard. I do wonder whether it would be worth seeing your GP though if you feel anxious all the time for no reason and there are safe effective treatments for sickness in pregnancy. As a GP this is definitely the sort of thing I see women about all the time.

MintyBojingles · 24/01/2016 23:18

My last pregnancy I felt like that, absolutely rough, throwing up all the time. It did get better eventually. However you sound pretty bleak otherwise, I think it might be worth asking for some extra support - ante natal depression is not much talked about, but is a very real thing for many women. You don't have to go it alone

Mmmmcake123 · 24/01/2016 23:23

As PPs have said the first trimester can be very hard, for me it was the sleepiness. I had never experienced anything like it before. I really struggled to keep my eyes open.
Your body is currently in the early stages of making your baby, who will be amazing.
I found it helpful to see it like that, as it makes everything more real and understandable.
We're always shown images of women who make it look easy but it is a big deal, your amazing body is under a lot of pressure to make this happen.
Keep going

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