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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be angry at OH

44 replies

MagicDucky · 20/01/2016 17:42

I want to punch him (not literally. He's great most of the time) but it's always me that has to get up that extra 20 minutes early to get DD ready for the childminder. We both start work at the same time but it's always me who has to get her breakfasted and dressed and pack her bag (although I usually do that at night)

Even when he gets up at the same time, he faffs plays on his phone, so much that DD and I are ready and he's still getting dressed.

But never seems to understand why I'm annoyed?! Honestly thought it was the women who are supposed to take ages to get ready?!

OP posts:
molyholy · 20/01/2016 17:54

Oh my god. I could have written this post myself!!!! I am in exactly the same boat. It is a bone of contention and the onky thing we have words about. The other day, I got up, got dd brekky, made a pot of coffee, had a cuppa, got in the shower and husband still wasn't up. I am ashamed to say I poured the coffee out, by the way i hadn't made a pot, and we didn't have any instant, so he had to have a cup of tea hehehe. I felt a bit guilty, but if u want a cup of coffee fucking get up! I have also stopped making his sandwiches when I am making my lunch. Petty I know.

yorkshapudding · 20/01/2016 17:57

If you've asked him to help get DD ready and he has either ignored you or refused then YANBU and he's being a twat.

If you haven't actually asked him to help but have huffed a bit and generally acted pissed off in the hope that he'll intuit what's bothering you than YAB a tiny bit U. Not because he shouldnt be helping (of course he should) but because some men (my DH included) are rubbish at picking up hints or passive aggression, so if you don't tell him what you need from him you'll just keep feeling frustrated and nothing will change.

SausageSmuggler · 20/01/2016 17:59

I have this in the morning but with 3 DC's! DH gets up and just sorts himself out even when he can see or hear that I'm struggling with them. I don't know how I haven't stabbed him with DD2's weaning spoons yet.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 20/01/2016 18:01

My DH gets up at 7 to get the boys ready for school and then leaves to take the small one at 830. I get up at 730 and am still faffing at 830 Blush.

So I suspect my DH feels the same as you do. I'm trying to get better at getting up early but so far it's not working ....

Original poster
MagicDucky · 20/01/2016 18:10

Aaaaahh sweet revenge, good on you molyholy

Probably should have said york, we've had many words about this, although, I don't know how, but he always seems to think I'm joking?!

MEN!!

I'm currently pregnant so I think I'm just getting annoyed because it'll be the same when we have two! I can't imagine it with three though sausage!!! Maybe need to get some revenge like molyholy!!

OP posts:
Original poster
MagicDucky · 20/01/2016 18:13

I'm a terrible faffer felicia! I get up early so I have time for the faffing. That and if I didn't we'd never leave the bloody house! As long as someone is prepared I suppose Grin

OP posts:
HermioneJeanGranger · 20/01/2016 18:24

He faffs because he knows you'll pick up the slack. How about you take a very long bath or shower or fake an early meeting? He'll have no bloody choice then!

pippistrelle · 20/01/2016 18:39

If it bothers you, can you not just tell him it's not fair, and can he do it tomorrow? And every second day from now on?

XiCi · 20/01/2016 18:51

Is this serious? He doesn't think you're joking OP he's just taking the piss out of you. Why not just tell him it's his turn tomorrow and you can faff about with your phone all morning. Do something about it instead of letting him do fuck all. It will only get worse when you have your second
And holymoly, I hardly think having to have a cup of tea instead of coffee is going to bother anyone. Why not just ask him to step up and do his share?

Mabel80 · 20/01/2016 18:55

If I didn't 'make' him do it he would leave it to me too. I think women naturally continue their caring towards children from when they are babies and men will just sit back if you let them.

QuietWhenReading · 20/01/2016 18:59

Just take it in turns. Say "DH this isn't fair. Starting from tomorrow it's alternate days to take responsibility for DD"

Headofthehive55 · 20/01/2016 19:03

You need to go to work earlier. He gets them ready, as you have already left the house.

BYOSnowman · 20/01/2016 19:04

we alternate depending on who is taking kids to school. If you are taking them, you get ready while the other gets the kids sorted and waiting at front door. Then other gets ready in the time they've saved by not having to do school run.

Once baby is here he will have to take dd to childminder surely?

abbsismyhero · 20/01/2016 19:22

my ex was irritating in the morning too i would get up shower get dressed get two then three children ready for school pack on off on foot then he would come down throw on some clothes and drive middle one to school occasionally he would take the baby to show off after we split i found out he was telling everyone i stayed in bed every morning and he got the kids ready

bastard that he is cunt cant find his own arsehole with both hands and a fucking torch let alone get the kids ready

TheSecondViola · 20/01/2016 19:26

Not "men!!"....your man.
You really think he doesn't understand why you get annoyed that he does nothing while you do the wifey work of getting the child ready every single day?
Either he has the IQ of a sofa cushion or he's playing you. And you're letting him.

StrawberrytallCake · 20/01/2016 19:37

Yep agree with others saying he is taking the piss. Do not excuse this behaviour as usual man behaviour as it isn't, he's just being a lazy fucker.

You can put up with it or you can tell him it needs to change but if you put up with it expect the resentment to grow which will eventually ruin your relationship slowly and painfully!!

ShowMeTheWonder · 20/01/2016 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ManneryTowers · 20/01/2016 19:47

Yes he is being a lazy fuck. Having to do it all in the morning and get ready is very hard work! DH is gone by 6am so the morning routine is always my job but tbh I think your situation is even more frustrating! Him being there and not helping is not on!

Quoteunquote · 20/01/2016 20:03

Doormat to bog brush route, good job you noticed before you accepted that arrangement.

Just explain that won't work for you, it's terrible rude for him to of put you in this position, let alone police his behaviour. If he requires more time in the morning then he needs to get up earlier.

If you split up and had shared custody 50/50, he would be doing 100% of the chores in his time, and guess what you do share parenting so he needs to do at least 50% of the chores, that is the only way it works, unless one of you wants to be a doormat, and all doormats turn into bog brushes.

Lack of respect to abuse.

headinhands · 20/01/2016 20:10

Same here op. When dh works from home he gets up after me and often sits on the sofa Twittering while I'm sprinting around the house screaming at the children. When I have addressed my irritation about it, usually that evening when I'm feeling less homocidal, he'll say 'but you look like you have it all under control'. It's like things would have to fuck up before he would think he could help. I'm going to give him a child to organise all by himself, I won't even organise the uniform the night before.

HortonWho · 20/01/2016 20:11

Ha. I kept reminding mine he needed to get up half an hour early and sort himself out so he can then sort the kids out as they faff in the mornings. The first time, I tried to give him my hard-earned battlefield techniques. He foolishly dismissed my step by crucial step morning routine, thinking he's gotten them ready for things before...how different can a school day be?

I still chuckle at the look of horror as he recounts his first time doing the morning drop off (he missed not one but two trains to work).

Some people don't listen til they try it themselves. Leave for work early. Pack your child's bag the first time, so the child doesn't suffer when the other parent forgets to pack half the needed stuff.

headinhands · 20/01/2016 20:15

It was the same when dd was little and had swimming on a Saturday morning. We'd take it in turns to take it. When it was my turn I'd get her ready and make sure she had all her kit, when it was his turn I'd still be the one getting her ready. As for holiday packing, I pack for me and the kids, he packs for himself. One year he went on holiday with one pair of pants!

headinhands · 20/01/2016 20:16

*her, it's a her not an 'it'. Sorry, raging fingers.

Gobbolino6 · 20/01/2016 20:17

Same issue here. I find fantasising about staving his face in with a spade helps a bit.

Valentine2 · 20/01/2016 20:36

How about making a notice board on the fridge and divide the work alternately for each day? This way, he will know he has to get up one morning and the next one will be yours. For his morning, do not even bother to put up an alarm on your phone/clock.

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