to be angry at OH

[MagicDucky]

I want to punch him (not literally. He's great most of the time) but it's always me that has to get up that extra 20 minutes early to get DD ready for the childminder. We both start work at the same time but it's always me who has to get her breakfasted and dressed and pack her bag (although I usually do that at night)

Even when he gets up at the same time, he faffs plays on his phone, so much that DD and I are ready and he's still getting dressed.

But never seems to understand why I'm annoyed?! Honestly thought it was the women who are supposed to take ages to get ready?!

No no this winds me up

Every time we go out its me who has to dress the DC, do their hair, cajole them to do their teeth etc

DH just fucking sits there, WAITING

Oh I've been there! And it's not exclusively a male/ female thing but it is mostly from what I've experienced/ seen. DH would just merrily carry on sorting himself out while I did everything for the DC, and if I asked him to do something he would say, "but I've got to go to work!" (So did I!)

Gobbolino6 Never thought of a spade in his face. I always fantasise about smothering him with a pillow.

op my partner offered to help get kids ready in morning but I couldn't bear it. He couldn't find anything, couldn't do plaits etc so I took over. Maybe I'm too controlling but was easier to do it myself. He is useful in other areas..he painted the kitchen at the weekend.

Who takes DD to the childminder?

There's a thread in Relationships called 'Incompetent husband'. It's well worth a read.

My ex husband used to do this and now my oldest is the same and it drives me and my DH round the twist and I split up with his Dad when he was 4 so try everything you can OP to get him to stop faffing so he doesn't pass it on to your LO.

So while you're running around like blue-arsed flies and the men just sit on the sofa watching, haven't you tried to tell them something? Like 'OK, so I will get DC1 ready while you do DC2' or similar?

To be fair, I find it's best when one parent does it at a time and you switch days. If my DH does it, I can't find where he's put anything so I spend half the time shouting down the stairs asking where did you put his X... And vice versa. He is the worst for not seeing what's in front of his face (can't find his own shit), so is running around like a headless chicken in mornings. He has to prepare the night before.

Dh gets up 45 min before I do to do packed lunches and breakfasts. Then he leaves and I do the early morning shout until they are dressed and ready to go. I do bedtimes except Tuesdays and Thursdays.

You just have to split things up so they are fairly fair to you both.

Of course he doesn't understand why you are getting annoyed and that you aren't joking. He doesn't get children ready, or pack bags, you silly sausage. That is a mummy job. Daddies play monster chase and sometimes do bath and stories. So why exactly would he get up early, why would he skip playing on his phone or pack her bag at night? Why should he do your job for you? Or even "help" you with your mummy jobs?

As long as you play along with this sexist shit then you'll get more of it. What a lovely life for him. What an increasingly resentful life for you.

If my DH had opted out like this for even a couple of days I wouldn't be laughing about MEN! and he would know I wasn't bloody joking.

As many other posters have said, make sure you go to work earlier so he does the morning shift solo. If you are in the house, he will leave everything to you, because he genuinely believes it is wimmins work. And don't pack the bloody bags for him on his days!

Grab your phone, stand besides him and say " great we're having an email break, let me know when its time for us all to start getting ready again". Or "why do you think that it's ok for you to stand around whilst I do x,x,x,x,x,x,x"?

"Haven't you tried to tell them something"

I suppose the point is that we even have to. It's an ache in the colon.

OP...are you me?
Exactly the same in our house. I have asked dh repeatedly to get up earlier to help us leave the house before 8am. Nothing changes!!

Of course you shouldn't have to, but if going back in time and marrying a different man doesn't work, that's the next thing I would try.

Flip side.
My DW is a SAHM to our 2 teenagers.

I get them up every morning, take her a cup of tea and while we are all rushing around to get ready for school and work she is tucked up, dosing in bed.

I never moan about it on the internet though

Ok, so tell him he is on duty tomorrow and then leave the house 45 minutes earlier and go and have breakfast in starbucks.

He will only do it if he has to, and you aren't there to pick up the slack.

Ah but Drew64 - has this always been the case ie when they were little ?

Lucky lady though - god I'd love a lie in.

Can you not leave the house and leave him to it?

Ducky why don't you just take it in turns to sort DD out? If he even mentions the word "helping", as in he thinks he'll be helping you, then pull him up. As Rabbit said, it's not "mummy work" and he should be parenting too.