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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is a huge double standard? (potentially triggering)

43 replies

RivieraKid · 15/01/2016 17:13

I've been wondering whether to post this for a couple of days but I have to do something. I'm part of a group who are in a short film, it's not 'the industry' by any means but it's work essentially, we are all being paid. One scene calls for very rough sex (consensual, but uncomfortable). The actress playing the woman is fine with it, but the man is not. We tried filming the scene earlier this week and he kind of froze and didn't want to continue. Our director told him that as he's a guy he should be enjoying it and 'oh yeah I forgot that all actors are faggots'. Several of us objected and we stopped filming, but were told not to rock the boat and that he was free to walk out if he wanted. It's been rescheduled for the weekend and I'm hugely disturbed, am I wrong to think that if this was a woman we'd be in fucking uproar? I don't know what to do, the director says he meant it in a jokey way and we were being paranoid, it seems as though most cast/crew are supporting that but I don't think we were paranoid? Actor doesn't want to talk about it says he wants to let it go.

OP posts:
Griphook · 15/01/2016 19:10

I honestly don't think you would get a different reaction if it was a woman, I think she would be told exactly the same thing

TheCatsMeow · 15/01/2016 19:14

It's unacceptable behaviour and is misogynistic and homophobic

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 15/01/2016 19:16

I'd also say its unacceptable. Simulated sex I hope assume?

Andrewofgg · 15/01/2016 19:21

It's not misogynistic, whatever it is; it's a man being offensive to a man. Homophobic certainly and perhaps misandrist.

frikadela01 · 15/01/2016 19:27

I have no knowledge of the industry but I imagine like griphook says that it would be the same with a women. Of course it's. 100%wrong but I imagine in shall we say the lower end of the industry this type of behaviour is rife.

TheCatsMeow · 15/01/2016 19:28

Andrew

The idea that "all men love sex" comes from gender roles, pushed by patriarchy, a misogynistic system. So it is misogynistic.

Original poster
RivieraKid · 15/01/2016 19:29

It is simulated yes. cats - Is it misogynistic if it's to a guy? I just can't get it out of my head and we're supposed to be shooting tomorrow. I want to support him and if he doesn't want to talk about it then I don't want to make him, but...It's hard to explain how it felt. I know other cast/crew didn't buy that we were being paranoid or that he was joking. I thought the actor was going to have a panic attack.

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Original poster
RivieraKid · 15/01/2016 19:29

Oh, x-post re misogyny. Sorry.

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TheCatsMeow · 15/01/2016 19:30

Yeah people think misogyny is just kitchen jokes and stuff but it's much more subtle than that

Original poster
RivieraKid · 15/01/2016 19:32

The actress was fine with it as I said but they made sure she was (which is great, obviously) hence my shock at the comments to the male actor.

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SolidGoldBrass · 15/01/2016 19:35

It's not acceptable. Poor man. Though I think it is mainly down to the director being a bullying prick - I would imagine he would have been just as horrible to the actress if she had objected.

frikadela01 · 15/01/2016 19:35

I often wonder when I see rape scenes in films how much help the perpetrators get with the emotions around it. I imagine the victim gets help (rightly so) but I can't imagine playing the role of an attacker is exactly easy... In fact DP has mentioned before that he doesn't know how the actors carry out those scenes.

frikadela01 · 15/01/2016 19:37

Obviously when I say victim and perpetrator I mean the actors playing them... think.my post reads a bit strange.

Original poster
RivieraKid · 15/01/2016 19:45

Oh god does it sound like a porn film? When I said 'the industry' I meant the film industry, that it's not super professional standard - it's not a porn film!

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TheCatsMeow · 15/01/2016 19:46

I was unsure if it was a porn film or regular film tbh

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 15/01/2016 19:52

Sorry OP I thought porn too Blush

Original poster
RivieraKid · 15/01/2016 19:54

My fault, sorry. It's not porn it just has this scene in it.

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Viviennemary · 15/01/2016 20:15

It's a film. Things happen in films. The people are actors. It isn't real life. Can't see the problem tbh.

Andrewofgg · 15/01/2016 20:15

TheCatsMeow Honestly, I think you are pushing it a bit to get this under the misogynist umbrella.

Misogyny is an evil but it's not the only evil in the world!

Original poster
RivieraKid · 15/01/2016 20:18

The people are actors. It isn't real life.

We're shooting the film. That's the real life part. Filming the sex scene is upsetting to one of the actors, in real life.

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OfaFrenchmind2 · 15/01/2016 20:23

It does happen that male actors are really upset with the material they are handed, especially with very rough or non-consensual sex scenes. I heard that James Master really hated playing the attempted rape on Buffy, and was especially cautious never to have to play something like that again.
I think it is quite telling about their personality when they express repugnance about it, in a very good way.
And the director was an awful dick, and a homophobe.

Viviennemary · 15/01/2016 20:24

Well I'm afraid I'd say he was in the wrong job. He must separate his own feelings from his acting role. If a person plays a murderer it doesn't mean they've got murderous tendencies. They're acting.

Original poster
RivieraKid · 15/01/2016 20:36

I think maybe I'm not explaining it very well? It's not that he was unhappy with the material as such, we've done read-throughs before and everyone knew what the deal was, it's that he was clearly panicky and upset while filming and asked to stop and was told he should carry on and enjoy it because that's what guys enjoy? I don't think anyone should face abuse in their job, even if it is the wrong one for them?

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uglyswan · 15/01/2016 20:36

So he's "free" to walk out (and not get paid) if he wants, is he? What would happen if the rest of the crew walked out with him?

Original poster
RivieraKid · 15/01/2016 20:47

I don't know. Those of us who found it really coercive have discussed leaving, the majority say the director was joking and we are over-sensitive. It would be a very small number of people leaving the production, especially after being told we shouldn't rock the boat. It's hard to put across what happened and how it felt in words, I think it sounds smaller here. I don't know. He wasn't okay.

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