to think this is a huge double standard? (potentially triggering)

[RivieraKid]

I've been wondering whether to post this for a couple of days but I have to do something. I'm part of a group who are in a short film, it's not 'the industry' by any means but it's work essentially, we are all being paid. One scene calls for very rough sex (consensual, but uncomfortable). The actress playing the woman is fine with it, but the man is not. We tried filming the scene earlier this week and he kind of froze and didn't want to continue. Our director told him that as he's a guy he should be enjoying it and 'oh yeah I forgot that all actors are faggots'. Several of us objected and we stopped filming, but were told not to rock the boat and that he was free to walk out if he wanted. It's been rescheduled for the weekend and I'm hugely disturbed, am I wrong to think that if this was a woman we'd be in fucking uproar? I don't know what to do, the director says he meant it in a jokey way and we were being paranoid, it seems as though most cast/crew are supporting that but I don't think we were paranoid? Actor doesn't want to talk about it says he wants to let it go.

An actor reads the script and knows he has to film a (pretend) rough sex scene.
He thinks he's OK with it.
When filming he finds out that actually he's very uncomfortable and upset.

He should have been treated kindly and with respect.
Insulting him was not on.
Making jokes about all men wanting rough sex is disgusting.

But he has agreed to do a job, and he knew about this aspect of the job when he agreed to do it, so he shouldn't expect the story of the film to change just because he's unhappy.
So he will have to figure out a way to get through it and do the job, or quit.

(IMO)

What is the "joke" here, though? I don't think you would be oversensitive to walk out over homophobic bullying. Is there any way you can set up a meeting with your coworkers to discuss what action you want to take before filming starts again?

Tell him he's only acting. Things like this are what actors do. If he doesn't want to simulate rough sex with a woman then they should get someone in who will.

The director calling him a faggot is fucking vile though. I just think he's being a bit precious.

You are all going to have to develop thicker skins if you want to make it in the film industry. Directors are, in my experience, more often than not, total cock ends, with massive egos, and I have worked on big feature films. If you want to be an actor you would be wise to suck it up and do the job, because there is always someone else who is willing to step into your place at the drop of a hat.

Horrible director. No one will want to work with him again.

What's the guy decided to do?

Actor doesn't want to talk about it says he wants to let it go.

So respect this and let it go. If the director makes any more homophobic comments, you can of course call him out on it if you want to. But maybe the actor has worked through the issues he had with acting this scene out, and now he wants to get on and get it done in a professional way.

(Yes the director was wrong, but I would keep a sense of perspective and move on from this if it was me.)

In some ways it's not the homophobia that's upset people, (although it was a horrible thing to say and of course no one's condoning it), it was the fact he was joking about someone who started panicking and was near tears when they were being restrained during a sex scene.

Of course we'll all respect his wishes. I just know I'm not the only person who was concerned for him.

I remember reading an interview with James Marsters (Spike from Buffy) where he talked about how upset he got when filming the attempted rape scene in Season 6. This article gives a bit of insight. Maybe talk to the actor and suggest he talk the scene through with the actress, maybe come up with a "safe word" if it's too much for either of them?

I may not have a sense of perspective, but I wouldn't want to work for someone who failed so spectacularly in their duty of care towards their actors, bullied them with homophobic insults and ordered the rest of the crew "not to rock the boat". And you don't have to accept this if you don't want to - even if the actor doesn't want to talk about it (after facing this sort of humiliation who would?).

My money says you soon would be the only person concerned for him if you make a deal of it.

so was this a female dominant sex scene, OP or a male dominant one? who was being restrained?

Tbh I have been restrained in a non-sexual consensual way and I panicked because it triggered a memory of being restrained as a child. SO for him to panic I am not surprised esp if it triggered something in him.

Consent or not he has every right to ask to stop if it is making him ill, panicky or a danger to anyone - a panicky person can do some stupid but understandable things to get out of a situation.

From what I've heard of the industry, I don't think this was necessarily a double standard but it certainly wasn't right. I understand the director might have been annoyed and that the job had to be done, but the situation should have been handled with much more sensitivity than it was.

betty he was being restrained at that point but it's not really a female-dominated scene altogether.

I work in the film industry and have to say that rightly or wrongly, this is par for the course.

The actor would presumably have read the script and known what was expected of him on set and I would say that a conversation with the Director would have been fine and right, if he felt uncomfortable, before getting to set when you are essentially spending money just by standing there.

I'm not excusing the comments of the Director at all - although I have heard a lot lot worse, but the actor also behaved in an unprofessional way - albeit, in a different context.

Its telling that it was the restraint part that panicked him. More sensitivity was needed.

I would let it rest RE him and his panic attack.

The director though, no excuse for homophobic attacks. Not sure how you could handle it without bringing the other chap in and it may be a very sore spot.

I suppose part of the problem is that making independent films is financially very precarious and so an actor (or anyone else involved) suddenly being unable to do his/her job fucks things up, which can make the person in charge uptight/frustrated/angry/scared. But that still doesn't excuse bullying. The director would probably have got the scene filmed the same day if he'd been a decent employer about the whole thing, sat the actor down with a hot drink, been sympathetic and reassuring rather than a hostile dickhead. The actor may well have past issues or something and thought he was sufficiently over it to make the film then frozen when it was actually happening.

Thank you guys so much for your responses. The director is no longer involved with the production after a separate incident. We're resuming when we can - thanks again! x