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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say no to this holiday

44 replies

StarChaser99 · 13/01/2016 21:03

Over Xmas my in-laws started chatting about holidays. They decided it would be nice to have a big family holiday this summer with us (plus 2yo DD), BIL and his partner. We said it sounded like a nice idea and it was all very casual and lighthearted and no details were discussed. My in laws have a habit of "making plans" like this that never materialise and so I never expected to hear any more about it.

This week I received a message from MIL saying "house booked" with a link to a website featuring a house in France and she informed me she had paid for the house for 2 weeks in the summer for everyone.

It was obviously nice for her to pay for it but I was a bit shocked that a. We had not been consulted about where we were going or staying, and b. That we had not even been asked if we were available.

As it turns out, the booking started on the exact same day we were due to fly home from a holiday with my parents (which was booked months ago and MIL knew all about). Plus we would struggle to get that much time off work back to back.

To keep the peace we decided to try and go for a long weekend during their stay and costed up some flights. However the flight was going to cost £600 (on a budget airline) for the 2 of us plus DD, which we just can't afford.

So we politely told MIL that we were sorry but it was just too expensive to go then and so we weren't going to make it. MIL is now pissed off with us!!

AIBU to think you should consult with someone (particularly when they have a small child) before booking a bloody holiday for them!

OP posts:

fastdaytears · 13/01/2016 21:07

YANBU!

It's nice of them of course but not checking the dates is crazy. Even if your discussion at Christmas could be taken to mean you definitely wanted to go () what are the chances that those dates would work for you?

slowdownyourneighbours · 13/01/2016 21:08

Yadnbu

The time off work is enough of a reason to say no, let alone not being consulted on cost, dates, ensuring suitable for DC, your own preferences. How rude of them.

Just ignore, leave DH to deal with it.

redexpat · 13/01/2016 21:10

YANBU. Nice thought, poorly executed.

Original poster

StarChaser99 · 13/01/2016 21:17

Exactly, it was a kind thought but I just don't understand why you would just go ahead and book without discussing it. The thing that is now really annoying me is that we have found out that MIL has been moaning about it to other people and making out like we're being ungrateful and she's being badly done to!!

OP posts:

MoMoTy · 13/01/2016 21:19

Yanbu especially as you would be taking time off for the previous trip how did she think you both would get so much leave.

fastdaytears · 13/01/2016 21:20

Were they offering to pay the travel or contribute towards it? Might make the long weekend less of a terrible option?

Original poster

StarChaser99 · 13/01/2016 21:27

No, they haven't offered to contribute to the travel, mainly because they were planning to drive there (which is my idea of hell). I did wonder when we said it was too expensive whether they might offer to pay something (they could definitely afford it - not that this means I expect it) but they didn't, they just sulked. But like Slow said, it's also the fact that they didn't even discuss whether it was suitable for us with DD. With the holiday with my parents, I have been so (pfb) meticulous about checking the location, facilities, safety, things like that, even if we could afford it - I hate the idea of not having any control over where we were staying.

OP posts:

Griphook · 13/01/2016 21:31

Yanbu, but she must feel very hurt that you are and her ds are happy to go on holiday with your parents but not his

OhWotIsItThisTime · 13/01/2016 21:35

My in laws regularly promise holidays that never materialise. I've learnt not to get excited.

Stillunexpected · 13/01/2016 21:35

you are and her ds are happy to go on holiday with your parents but not his - but that is not the case at all! OP is going on holiday with her parents because they all discussed it, agreed on dates and times and booked with everyone's full knowledge. Not being prepared to go on holiday with her IL's has got nothing to do with it at all - they can't now afford it, can't get time off work and weren't consulted about either the time or location!

DoreenLethal · 13/01/2016 21:38

We've booked a holiday - 17 of us going. All the toing and froing to get the right dates/cost/rooms etc was the only way we would be able to all agree on going. Plus we are in different countries.

We ALL agreed that it was all ok to proceed before it got booked. YANBU! How can you just book someone else's holiday I don't know.

littleleftie · 13/01/2016 21:38

YANBU.

To soften the blow maybe you can say you will look into a mini break for yourselves plus PILS once you have replenished the Starchaser family coffers?

Ignore sulking.

Original poster

StarChaser99 · 13/01/2016 21:49

Exactly Still I don't have an issue with going away with my in laws (although I'm not sure we would have survived 2 weeks) so long as I had some input into it (and could at least have a say in when we went!). I would happily try and organise a weekend away but I suspect they wouldn't want to do anything I organised. Part of me wonders if they want to play the victim and have a "they like her parents more than us" situation.

OP posts:

LagunaBubbles · 13/01/2016 21:50

Of course they should have discussed it with you, it's not normal behaviour to assume and book without this. When was the holiday with your parents booked, before or after your MILs idea? Not saying she's justified to feel put out you are going on holiday with your parents.

FuzzyDucker · 13/01/2016 21:58

Yanbu, no one should make plans for you without consulting you. There is no preferential treatment with your parents, that was planned already.

I'd stay out of it but get dh to suggest you go away with them next summer (as you can only have time off work for one holiday a year, and you're already going with your parents this year) and then you could start browsing possible places to go together.

littlemermaid80 · 14/01/2016 09:05

Fgs. What goes through people's minds sometimes?
YANBU. At all.

You don't go and book somewhere like that someone without consulting them, she has no right to sulk over it. Ignore it.

expatinscotland · 14/01/2016 09:09

YANBU

Anotherusername1 · 14/01/2016 09:16

Yes of course it should be discussed. It amazes me how often parents book holidays for their grown-up children without consultation. I have seen it happen at least twice - one with a work colleague who then needed time off work at very short notice (our boss let her take the time but it meant my boss was on her own as I'd had the same time booked off for months) and another time when a teacher's parents bought her a trip to Argentina for her birthday. They knew she was a teacher (individual lessons, not a school teacher) and yet they didn't take account of the fact that she might have had professional commitments.

You have other holiday plans and work, the MIL needs to grow up and accept she was wrong.

molyholy · 14/01/2016 09:25

YANBU. MIL probably got all excited and thought she was doing everyone a wonderful favour/giving them a treat. But not to check with you and your husband first, was very silly of her.

Afishcalledchips · 14/01/2016 09:25

YANBU, as others have said they should have discussed it with you.

nextusername · 14/01/2016 09:35

YANBU. It was presumptuous of them to go ahead without asking you.

BabyGanoush · 14/01/2016 09:45

you are not unreasonable as such, but can't you see she would be hurt if you go on holiday with your parents, yet can't even do a weekend with her?

Can you really not get there? (ferry?)

She has paid for the house, so it really is just the flights/ferry/drive.

What sort of holiday are you doing with your parents?

Sometimes, with family, you just have to do things I think, even if not brilliantly convenient.

knobblyknee · 14/01/2016 09:47

YNBU for very obvious reasons.
I loathe this kind of games playing. If she wants to play hard done by and poor me and look what I have to put up with, let her. No one will be surprised you turned any holiday down after hearing it.

GruntledOne · 14/01/2016 09:54

Have you looked into whether Eurostar is feasible?

SitsOnFence · 14/01/2016 10:04

YANBU! Although it does sound like her heart was in the right place just a shame the same couldn't be said of her brain

Could you give her a list of dates you can make and see if the booking can be amended?

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