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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for your tips on coping with my baby

59 replies

Zinni · 13/01/2016 17:11

I feel like I have no time for myself.

Baby is 4months. I've got him into a nap routine but he'll only nap on me. Soon as I transfer him to cot he wakes and cries hysterically.

When awake he wants to be carried all the time (doesn't have to be me, he'll happily let strangers hold him). If I put him in cot/bouncer/Bumbo with toys he lasts approx 5-10mins before screaming sometimes won't tolerate it at all

I'm so envious of my NCT group. Their babies are happy sitting in bouncers, Bumbos etc whereas mine wants constant cuddles and attention.

DH takes him for a couple of hours in eve so I can shower and catch up on housework. I put him in sling a lot but he's heavy now.

How do you cope? Is it normal for a 4-month-old to be like this? I feel like I'm getting depressed.

OP posts:

Binkybix · 13/01/2016 17:26

Hi. My 3 month year old is a lot like this, nothing like my first one! I don't know what help to offer, apart from some babies are like this and gradually grow out of it.

Could you enlist family/friends help sometimes for a bit more you time in the week, if they're happy to be held by strangers?

mudandmayhem01 · 13/01/2016 17:32

When my cling on baby got too heavy I put him on my back in a sling, a lot less strain on my back. Once he started crawling he was much happier to put down/ get under my feet instead.

NeedsAMousekatool · 13/01/2016 17:35

My DD was like that. She's 18 months now and a very happy independent little girl, great at amusing herself. I think you just have to ride it out, unfortunately. What sort of sling do you have?

Shemozzle · 13/01/2016 17:39

It's normal. I think you need to lower your expectations and expect them to want to be held all the time, and 5 minutes here or there is a bonus. That's what I did with my second and it seemed much easier. I'd advise going to your local sling library and seeking out a better sling and advice.

LillyBugg · 13/01/2016 17:40

I was also going to say sling library. I carry my 16 month old for hours. You need a better sling if your four month old feels too heavy.

witsender · 13/01/2016 17:41

Sling! A nap routine is unusual at that age in my experience anyway. Babies want to be near you.

MargaretCabbage · 13/01/2016 17:43

My DS would only nap on me. He's almost one and finally I can put him in his cot for naps. I just tried to be as relaxed about it as possible; make your lunch in advance so you have something to eat; only do the most basic of housework. I know it's awful when you don't get a break but I tried to make the most of it and enjoy the cuddles while watching box sets on TV. I also found getting out of the house a lot helped when I was feeling down as it didn't feel so bad when I wasn't trapped in the house under a sleeping baby, and he'd often sleep in the pram or sling (though he'd wake up the second my key went in the front door).

I found four months a difficult age. But it's a phase and it will pass, and it gets so much easier.

witsender · 13/01/2016 17:43

Decent sling, a Bjorn is uncomfortable at the best of times. I could still carry both mine till well past 3 in a decent woven wrap or buckled carrier, and have carried my 5 yr old still on the odd occasion.

Crochetfanatic · 13/01/2016 17:45

My 5 month old is like this. It's very, very hard. I don't have any advice sorry, but wanted you to know you're not alone

MarlenaGru · 13/01/2016 17:48

Get a better sling.

It will get easier but if you lower your expectations life will be easier. Both of mine didn't cot nap until nearer 8 months. Second time round I didn't bother fighting it. Enjoy the cuddles, you won't believe me, but you will miss them soon enough!

Crumpet1 · 13/01/2016 17:51

Dc2 was the same, now at 18 months he point blank refuses to sleep on me!
Keep on putting him down for a nap in the cot, eventually he will go longer and longer in there.

Try and enjoy it, I know it's so frustrating but you don't get that little baby time back and it goes so fast.

fredandme123 · 13/01/2016 17:52

I had one of these! Massively improved with crawling as he could get about (and up to no good) and I persevered with getting him to sleep in cot instead of on me with shush pat. In terms of when they are awake the Jumperoo was the best thing ever as he loved to jump in it, never really interested in play mats or bouncy chairs and certainly couldn't hold his attention for long.

juststeppedoutofasalon · 13/01/2016 17:54

Gina Ford's contented baby book did it for me when I thought I was going mad and had the angriest baby on the planet. Completely turned it around ( to be fair, took four days) for our screaming and fretting DS at four months. When DD arrived we did her routines from book straight away. Her basic rule is strict routine and times for feeds and sleep. She is strict enough to tell you when to eat toast. It does require that you follow her rules but I remember that at that time it was a welcome relief to be told what to do. You could read the book and see if it is for you, but don't compare yourself to any other new mum - they're all a bag of nerves and insecurities in their own way. You're normal.

KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 13/01/2016 17:57

Sounds really normal for a 4 month old. Tiring, exhausting, frustrating, yes! But totally normal. A decent sling is useful, at 4 months they shouldn't be too heavy for a sling if it is a good one which spreads the weight properly etc. Get help where you can - be thankful he will be held by strangers! My children would go to no one but me at that age.

This will pass, it will get better. Honestly! My middle baby was a proper Velcro baby and basically lived in a sling on me for 6 months. I kinda miss those days of having a teeny on my front to snuggle! He is a big 8 year old boy now 😫

IJustLostTheGame · 13/01/2016 17:58

Normal.
Mine was the same.
At baby groups there were mums chatting whilst their babies lay on the floor wiggling away and mine would scream blue murder if I put her down.
It got better gradually.
When she started crawling things changed completely.
She's still a snuggler though

Jw35 · 13/01/2016 18:11

Please don't follow strict routines like a pp said! Babies need to be close to you a lot, it's just the way they are. 4 months is when they start getting interested in everything, I used a kid beanbag that I could carry dd around on so she could see me all the time. It gets better!

toomuchtooold · 13/01/2016 18:19

How does he sleep at night? If he'll sleep in his cot at night them blacking out the windows might persuade him to sleep in his cot for naps. Worked with my DD2. You can use damp tinfoil to black out the window. Or does he nap in the buggy? You could get out the house and grab a sandwich for lunch.

Some 4m olds are like that. Some aren't, which is really annoying if you bet a clingy one! If its any comfort, my clingy one kept her nap going for about 4months longer than her placid sister...

vichill · 13/01/2016 18:26

Sounds normal to me too. They're not all like this but its a big shock to the system when you get a velcro. I won't say it'll get better soon, more you'll get used to the relentlessness of it all. Housekeeping standards will slip, sex life will be shit, you will look shell shocked but its only for a couple of years and the sense of achievement is massive.

Original poster

Zinni · 13/01/2016 19:10

Thank you

He sleeps about 6hours at night in his cot

Got a wrap-sling (just a long piece of fabric) he loves it when I walk but wriggles and cries when I stand still or sit (unless he's asleep). What type of sling would you recommend?

OP posts:

BumpPower · 13/01/2016 19:22

I had a connecta for my Velcro baby. Really comfy and I swapped him to my back when he was heavier. I found getting out to be the key - baby groups, Facebook meet ups etc kept me sane.
Also second the jumperoo, he hated chairs but really got into the jumperoo. I remember sitting infront on it eating breakfast with 2 hands for the first time I. Months and praising the Fisher price genius!

Dobinette · 13/01/2016 19:29

My 3 month old DS is a bit like this. Fortunately I have one of those battery-operated mechanical swings (second-hand) and when he looks tired during the day I put him in it and he's usually asleep within 5min! The seat is quite snug so I think it feels though he is being held.

When I have stuff to do during the day I normally put DS in his bouncy chair and talk or sing to him whilst doing the washing up, showering, etc.

Cavaradossi · 13/01/2016 19:41

Utterly normal if my own experience is anything to go by - I used to come back depressed from NCT things because all the other babies used to lie peacefully gurgling on a rug, while mine wriggled and roared because he was bored. And he only reliably napped on me until he was nine or ten months old, despite going off beautifully for his childminder in a reclined pushchair as soon as he started going to her. And he hated slings, though I tried about eight kinds!

He's now a lively, clever, utterly gorgeous three year old with a huge imagination.

With hindsight, I should have relaxed more and not felt I needed to assert so much control - if I were in the same situation again, I would go with it, watch old films with a big thermos of coffee and a lunch. And do shower during the day and let him roar for a few minutes. Or bath and bring him in with you?

TheHauntedFishtank · 13/01/2016 20:17

Jw Routines do work for some parents and babies. They did for me and DS. Just because you didn't like it doesn't mean nobody else will.

ifgrandmahadawilly · 13/01/2016 20:27

Sounds normal, unfortunately.

Have you tried TV \ music? My dd was the same but would sit in a bouncer happily for 20mins if I put her in a noun er and put the baby einsteins Bach or Mozart video on YouTube for her. Also, things got my h better once she was crawling and once she was old enough to put to bed at a regular time in the evening nvs (about 8 months).

DarkRoots · 13/01/2016 22:20

DD was like this - I didn't achieve much apart from eating cake and watching TV during nap times, unless I was out walking with the buggy. Sling worked for me!

They grow out of it, ime. She is now (14 months) happy to go to anyone, potter around on her own, etc for the most part. I just rode it out and built in some time when DH had her and nothing and no-one was allowed to touch me!
It's tempting to say ahhhh you'll miss it when she's older, but I do remember that feeling of being trapped. Some good advice on here and I suppose my message is 'this, too, shall pass'.

Hang on in there!

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