To ask for your tips on coping with my baby

[Zinni]

I feel like I have no time for myself.

Baby is 4months. I've got him into a nap routine but he'll only nap on me. Soon as I transfer him to cot he wakes and cries hysterically.

When awake he wants to be carried all the time (doesn't have to be me, he'll happily let strangers hold him). If I put him in cot/bouncer/Bumbo with toys he lasts approx 5-10mins before screaming sometimes won't tolerate it at all

I'm so envious of my NCT group. Their babies are happy sitting in bouncers, Bumbos etc whereas mine wants constant cuddles and attention.

DH takes him for a couple of hours in eve so I can shower and catch up on housework. I put him in sling a lot but he's heavy now.

How do you cope? Is it normal for a 4-month-old to be like this? I feel like I'm getting depressed.

hauntedfishtank it's Gina Ford I was referring to. I disagree with her methods, it's far too cold and promotes ignoring maternal instinct. It's one thing having a routine bit anyone who thinks its a good idea to completely follow somebody else's instructions as if one baby is the same as any other needs a re think.

Have you actually READ Gina Ford's routines @Jw35? They are not in the slightest bit cold or ignoring maternal instinct. Frankly, a happy mother makes for a happy baby in my book. I've had three of my own so speak from experience. There was plenty of time for cuddles and play etc within those routines. My eldest went into a routine from 6 weeks old, the middle child from 8 weeks and the youngest from 3 months (he spent time in hospital a few times due to illness - his and mine). They were all extremely contented babies from that point - we'd had three months of hell from the youngest where he screamed for almost every waking minute and wouldn't be put down for a second and barely slept a wink. That was diagnosed as colic by GPs/nurses etc but once that passed he went into a routine as easily as the other two did.
Those who completely discount routines are often those who have never read them fully or have given them a go. Or indeed have tried them for half a day and given up because they either couldn't be bothered or because they assumed it wasn't working after 12 hours . I tried them for three entirely different babies and they worked extremely well for us. I was well rested, they were well rested and we enjoyed lots of cuddles and playtime.

Comply normal. Have you read baby calm by Sarah ockwell smith? Think you'd find it v helpful

I had one of those! I thought I was going to go loopy especially because she didn't sleep at night. For us it didn't get better until she was walking (early) and even then it's not been easy as we've had periods of recidivism. I thought it at the time, but it's pretty clear to me now, that she was just hugely frustrated that she wasn't as independent as she wanted to be. I want to say that it's something that you'll get past but I hated hearing that at the time because whilst you're in it, it feels like it's going to go on forever. It might make you want to scream when you can't put them down but whilst you're responding to your LO's needs by cuddling and loving them, you're actually building a really happy healthy baby!
As other pp's have said, try a different sling, get a bouncer or jumperoo, knacker them out with lots of fresh air and swimming and hand over to DH for a little escape as often as you can. You're doing a great job x

It is normal, unfortunately it was something I just had to get through, ds finally grew out of it at 12months old, he wouldn't let anyone else hold him either. I did put him down a few times throughout the day and let him cry as I just needed some space. He is now the happiest toddler I have ever come across.

Not really singing I discounted routines because I prefer to follow the baby's lead. I also had a contented baby who slept through from 8 weeks. I didn't try any routine! Each to their own but Gina ford books make my skin itch!

It is normal op and will get better.

My daughter is 7 months now and has been sleeping through since 12 weeks or so. However since the advent of teething will only day nap on me, in the car/pushchair/ergo or on my bed. Never the cot.

I do try not not to twitch at the amount of stuff which needs doing in the house and remind myself that she won't always want to be close to me.

Agree with the pp who said getting out and about can make you feel much better in general!

My first was like this, proper Velcro baby had severe reflux and a milk allergy so in general wasn't happy. It did change as he got older. Dc2 was the opposite, calmest baby ever.

I've got a six month old like this, four months was definitely a very tricky time. I felt much better once I just accepted things and stopped fighting it. I invested in an ergo360 carrier at 5 months (wish I'd got it sooner!) and she's so much more content being carried. I had to lower my expectations of housework etc.
The jumperoo is a brilliant thing. We got the space saver one for £45.
Agree with pp's who have said their dc's seem frustrated.
Also agree it's good to go out (even if it seems like a PITA at the time). It genuinely makes you feel better and breaks up the day.

I've just ordered the space-saver jumperoo :-) can't wait to try it out.

No family nearby and most of my friends have babies or toddlers so have their hands full. Wish I could make friends with some ladies who don't have young children yet would like to cuddle a baby! He's happy bring cuddled by anyone. Sometimes I'm just desperate to sit down for 5mins but he doesn't like being stationary- I have to walk or at least sway on the spot. My whole body aches. He weighs 17lbs!

DH takes him for an hour or 2 in eve so I have a chance to cook, shower and do a few jobs.

I try and get out every day or I end up in tears by lunchtime. I've tried various baby groups, music classes, baby yoga etc.

He's on baby gaviscon for reflux so I think part of why he wants to be held is so he's in an upright position.

Nice to know he might turn into a happy toddler!

Hope the jumperoo works out, my son was about 4 months when we got ours. It changed my life. I remember the first time he went in it, standing at the sink washing up and grinning from ear to ear because I was freely standing, doing something useful and didn't have a baby attached to me somehow.

Zinni my ds has a spacesaver jumperoo he loves it. He only wanted to be in it with me there at first but he loves it now.

I could have written your post a few months ago. My ds is 7 months now and has changed so much. His reflux has improved and now he's crawling he so much happier and I can even put him down he will even play in his cot for a short time.

My only advice is to just try to let yourself enjoy sitting around with the baby, it goes so quick.

hauntedfishtank GF saved my sanity and probably my babies as well!!

I was on knees around 3 months with dd who seemed to cry all the time, once i sorted a routine and got naps down to a fine art dd was like a completely different baby. Some babies like to know whats coming iyswim.

It does get easier op dd is 9yo now and really lovely

My son was similar. He had severe gord and he would scream to be carried round all the time, not picked up and kept still, not go for a walk in the pram...be picked up and carried around. I think a lot of it was distraction from reflux pain. The babybjorn babysitter balance in front of the washing machine helped me a lot. Luckily with the severe gord there was a lot of washing. It was a horrendous time and my back still hurts, I don't think it will ever get better (he's 19m now).

I don't think there's anything wrong with routines. Can't comment on GF but having ds2 who can fight his sleep it's really helped to be ahead of the game, he definitely seems happier in a routine, he's just not a baby who can fall asleep anytime anywhere. If I don't catch him at the right times for play, feed, sleeps he's unhappy. It's all led by his needs though.

Is he still showing other signs of reflux (e.g. Back arching, frequent hiccups etc)? If so the infant Gaviscon might not be totally effective and the reflux is contributing to him being unsettled. I feel for you though - my 4 month old (has reflux and CMPI) is stuck to me like glue at the moment and is becoming a cot refusenik at night having previously been quite happy in it for a reasonable stretch at night - grrr!

Thanks everyone

Yes he's still arching his back and hiccuping a lot, also coughs a lot and has a stuffy nose all the time. And always greenish mucousy nappies approx 10xday.

Just changed his grow-bag as he was sick all over it. He's happy to sleep on my shoulder but arches back and screams if I put him down (even on my lap)

I'll try those books, would love to get him into a routine and the idea of following a set routine is tempting as I feel like I'm at sea with this.

He's also very chubby, DH insists I'm over-feeding him (EBF) could he be right?

Feeling very hopeful about jumperoo!

I have a five month old baby. I have an ergo 360 sling which I put baby in forward facing when she's awake and wants to be with me, then I do housework or go for a walk, often singing or chatting to her.

She does like the playmat/jumperoo/bouncer but not for more than about ten minutes at a time. She loves going for walks in her pushchair (facing me), is that something you could try? You must be close to moving from the pram to the pushchair? Makes a huge difference ime, fresh air for both of you, lots to amuse baby and often they sleep too

Personally I hate Gina Ford type routines as I prefer to go with what I feel is right, but my baby isn't my first so I have the benefit of experience and knowing this stage doesn't last too long! Good luck!

My 4 month old is very similar. I spend most days in pj's unless I absolutely have to go out. I feel like a failure but it helps to know I'm not alone!!

My friend has a baby of similar age and they are already trying for number 2. I'm like wtf am I doing wrong?!?!?! Some babies need more than others - poss cos they are highly intelligent ;)

How do you.get yours to sleep For 6Hrs?! Mine gets put down at 9ish, sleeps till 1.30, sleeps till 5.30 then wants to get up at 8.30 as is bored!!!!!! Hard work but we wouldn't be without them.

Once they start crawling I'm sure they will be leas frustrated and more likely to sleep.

Do get a swing chair if poss off ebay as much cheaper. Mine can go off for a while in one of those altho seem to have more success with it in evening but at least me and dh can eat dinner together which we never used to be able to do.

You are not alone and it sounds pretty normal to me!

Jumperoo owners - do they need to be able to independently sit up to use one? My ds can't sit up on his own yet and is just 4 months. They do sound brill.

I don't think there's anything wrong with routines. I didn't do them myself but see how they could work well. I know plenty who did and I did notice their babies seemed, well, contented (as it says on the tin). They knew what was coming and felt secure I guess.

I mention this because routines seem to fit with your expectations op and with what your nct friends may be doing.

Alternatively you could do what pps say, lower your expectations and use a better sling. It will pass, and sooner than you think.

Either way it is important to ensure you are happy as this is key for your baby.

I've always done the "bumbling along" method myself. If I had a third I might try GF or similar. But both of mine had tongue/ reflux or other things that made this hard in early stages, then it seemed hard to change tack.

I don't think babies can be over fed really especially breastfed babies.

Sounds just like my ds with the arching his back and hiccuping. I think he was miserable and clingy because he was uncomfortable. The redux seems to have improved since we introduced solids at 6 months.

Find your local sling library and find a lovely cuddly sling. He will most likely nap in a sling. And you can enjoy slingy snuggles

Fuzzy no they don't need to be able to sit unaided.

You'll probably be able to tell if the baby looks comfy in it. You'd want them to be able to push up on their legs as it's essentially a stationary door bouncer/baby walker.

Don't get a Babybjorn I have one and they're awful for bigger baby's and I've got the new ergonomic one.