AIBU to not want this after 12h workday

[FifteenFortyNine]

Coming home after 12h workday, listening to a tired toddler screaming for whatever reason. We're both tired hungry and grumpy and it's like this every fucking night, I'm fed up. I try to get organised, get meals ready for the evening, be patient with him, but I just want to explode. DH works evenings and weekends, so no help from him. No family anywhere near and no friends who could help. Just wanted to vent.

Not sure if youblittle one goes childminder but if so could you ask them to give DC its tea. Just send ething that can be warmed up.like pasta. Mashed pots etc. I use to do this when worked a not later although DC did not need supervision to eat.

That shld say something

This sounds awful and you have my sympathies. Tired toddlers are dreadful and nothing pushes your buttons more in my experience. Just feed him, put him to bed and chill!! It will get easier in a year or so. (Sorry, not much help i know) Do you pick up toddler from childcare after work? If so how about a snack on way home?

If he has tea at childcare, could you get him changed into pyjamas before going home? You could have a snack on the way, then when you get in pop him straight to bed and sort your dinner out later.

Failing that, could he have his main meal at midday and give him a packed lunch type snacky tea that he can eat on the go?

If your dh works evenings can be not sort out dinner?

DS has a lovely childminder, she did suggest she could do meals, might take her up on that, one less thing to stress out about. I have tried snacks and they bring temporary relief but then it starts again. It's just always the crying and whinging and wanting something but not knowing what they want.

Presumably if your dh is working evenings and weekends and you are doing days your dc us at home during the day?

Get dh (or childcare if I gave it wrong) to make sure dc has had a cooked meal around 4:30/5pm and is ready for bed.

X-posted

I am a childminder and feed all of the children I mind a 2 course meal before they go home exactly to reduce the stress you are describing.

Definitely take her up on it

My ds was like this too so now his lovely cm gives him his tea. We provide a combo of ready meals, pre-prepared or left-overs for him & it has made things so much easier! He just needed to earlier than I collected him!

If i take cm up on her offer, should I pay a bit extra for it? Wouldn't want her to have to do it out of her own pocket?

Of course you're tired after a long day, definitely ask the childminder to feed the DC and even put their PJs on, you might see them less if they go straight to bed but it won't be forever and it will reduce your stress and theirs! It's not easy is it, but hang in there!

I sympathise. 4yo and 2yo here, a DH who works away a lot and a long commute.

They have their lunch and dinner at nursery on the days I work. I just give them a small snack and put CBeebies on for 10 minutes whilst we have a chill out before the bedtime madness begins.

Definitely take childminder up on her offer.

Definitely get the CM to give him his tea.
Your life will be transformed.

Are you driving or using public transport?

Could you pay the C for an extra half hour and ask her to wash his hands and face and put his PJs on? He will probably fall asleep on the way home and you could tuck him straight into bed when you get him home.

I resort to tv and videos quite a bit, he loves it, it keeps him quiet and I just can't deal with all the tantrums. But I feel like a bad parent for not providing educational entertainment for him. He's a lovely boy during weekends when we're both more relaxed but I dread weeknights, they're the worst.

Yeah I think I will need to ask cm for help with this, I don't know how I would ever cope without her!

Make your evenings easier and enjoy the weekends.

Quality, not quantity.

Right. Stop the guilt about tv. He'll have been stimulated all day at the CM. Let her give him his evening meal (DD has always had a cooked meal at lunchtime at nursery so just give her some toast\milk and biscuit) and you can get him into his pyjamas (and you too) and just relax. When DP is working an evening and I have DD to do bedtime with I eat something quick although not particularly nutritious and then we lie in bed with a film or Peppa and snuggle and chat. It's what we're doing now!

He doesn't need educational entertainment, he needs a little time with you as relaxed as possible and a cuddle and bed. TV is perfect. Yes to paying cm extra (ask her how much) and then you don't have to think about his meals at all.

What time is his nap at the CM and what time does he get home?

He's always been irregular with his naps, can be around lunch time or later, sometimes doesn't nap at all, sometimes sleeps for 2 hours. comes home at 6pm

Take CM up on her offer, yes offer her more money.

There's nothing wrong with telly after a long day out of the house, don't beat yourself up over that.

Don't beat yourself up at all.

Ok and how old is he?

2.5

Ok id say he needs 1hr sleep a day consistently at the childminder ending at 2 pm then into bed at 6.30. He's probably really overtired. I'm saying this from personal experience!

My youngest always had to have a 30 minute tantrum before she would eat her tea. Every single fucking day. She would sit in her high chair and SCREAM. If I didn't put her in the chair she would lie on the floor and SCREAM. Twas awful but fortunately a fairly short lived phase!

OP I feel your pain.