AIBU to not want this after 12h workday

[FifteenFortyNine]

Coming home after 12h workday, listening to a tired toddler screaming for whatever reason. We're both tired hungry and grumpy and it's like this every fucking night, I'm fed up. I try to get organised, get meals ready for the evening, be patient with him, but I just want to explode. DH works evenings and weekends, so no help from him. No family anywhere near and no friends who could help. Just wanted to vent.

Been there! Have a 4 year old and nearly 2 year old. Definitely don't beat yourself up and definitely don't feel guilty about letting them watch TV. I figure my kids spend all day in a stimulating environment, playing outside, learning - they come home and should be able to relax. They can watch as much Mickey Mouse clubhouse as they like as long as I'm not sick and tired of listening to it!

(This announcement brought to you by the "as long as they're alive at the end of the day we're going ok" school of parenting)

I work full time and DH is often not around. Dd and I are usually out of the house for 11-12 hrs as well. The only way I can cope is she always eats at nursery in the evenings. Then we get home at 6.30ish, and all we do between then and bedtime (7.30ish) is sit and have a cuddle in front of CBeebies. May have a bit of a play with some of her toys if she instigates it, but cuddles in front of the to are fine. Then face, teeth, story and bed. She hardly ever had a bath during the week, it would just be another thing to do and in the winter at least she doesn't get smelly. You pay someone else to do the educational developmental stuff, you can get away with just vegging. Then make the most of the weekends.

I pick Dd up at 5pm and deliberately leave her with cm for an extra 30 mins so she has dinner. It means we can go to the shops, friends, the park etc afterwards without worrying about food.

I'd think it's even more important when collecting as late as 6pm.

I feel your pain. YANBU.

If it helps my son is 3 and is a lot better now.

TV could be making it worse... it seems to wind mine up if before bed.

If you are picking up at 6 then def get childminder to feed him (and pay for food or whatever).

Then you just have to worry about getting into PJs and doing teeth, milk, whatever and occasional bath, yes I'm slovenly

Also - could you work flexi and pick him up 15 mins earlier? Mine is OK at 5.30, but if I pick up past 6 a bloody exhausted terror.

What hours does your DH work on weekends, could he do bedtime those nights at least?

TV is better than a stressed mummy. By all means, switch it on and let him watch whilst you get yourself ready!

Don't worry about entertainment, a bath can be more than enough play time together (if he enjoys it), then a cuddle and story in his bed!

If it's any tiny consolation, I had entirely forgotten about this stage (youngest now 6). It will pass

Agree with pp that if your CM has offered to feed him, accept, even if it costs you slightly more.

Can you ask childminder to try and make sure he defiantly naps each day? Can she let him nap later like 2-4pm? Then he will be happier and less tired in the evening and you can spend time with him and just have later bedtime. Childminder could let him nap in pram if she has school run to do

WRT cost, our DC have all three meals at their CM (apart from term - time lunches for DD) and she charges £2.50 a day for each of them in addition to the CM fees.

Oh gosh yes, get your cm to feed him. You could treat him with pudding at home if you wanted to but to be honest if you pick him up at 6pm then it's bedtime when you arrive at your house. What about doing dinners for you that are oven based on a week day and then putting in as soon as you get home and then curling up on the sofa together and having half an hour of tv and cuddles time before he goes to bed. Then your dinner should be ready when you're done.

Yikes, my 3yo is asleep at 6:30 most nights and I'm a sahp! Definitely get your cm to do dinner, then you can come home for a quick splash in the bath, story and cuddle, sleep. As someone else said, quality over quantity!