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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this upset you?

31 replies

Fugghetaboutit · 30/12/2015 14:03

Mum was away over Christmas with friends, got back Sunday. Ds' birthday was on Xmas Day. She said she will come around on Saturday (NY Day).

Dsis was at home with her grown up kids over christmas but didnt do much and doesnt really bother with celebrating/cooking etc. No word if she will come over but seems busy with new boyfriend.
Both live 30-45min drive away max. I'm 39 weeks pregnant with spd so driving is very painful but I would have gone to visit by now as Christmas is about family for me.

AIBU to be a bit upset none of them have popped round yet to see ds or me?

OP posts:
redexpat · 30/12/2015 14:13

Yes and no. Christmas is about family for me but maybe not for them. I think being 39 wks pg is probably making it all worse.

seasidesally · 30/12/2015 14:16

it does seem a bit mean of them and im guessing your thinking they dont care

clippityclop · 30/12/2015 14:18

I don't think this would bother me, but why not invite them over for a belated get together for your son and have a catch up before the baby arrives?

SaucyJack · 30/12/2015 14:25

My brother has never once popped round to see me- nor I to him either.

If and when I do see him over Xmas etc then I do that thing of ringing him up and arranging something.

Objectively speaking YABU if you haven't bothered to sort anything out yourself either.

If you just wanted a bit of a moan tho, then fair play. Grump away Smile

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 30/12/2015 14:27

Wouldn't bother me, works both ways. Your DH could have drove or you could have sent an invite to them.

Original poster
Fugghetaboutit · 30/12/2015 14:58

Its more about ds i guess, it was his birthday and Christmas. Maybe I'm just hormonal but thought his grandma and aunt would want to see him at some point. we're all pretty close usually.

OP posts:
araiba · 30/12/2015 15:01

you said she was on holiday and that she has arranged a day to come round. why do you have a problem?

BackInTheRealWorld · 30/12/2015 15:03

Why don't you just invite them over for a get together?

Witchend · 30/12/2015 15:32

If you haven't invited them then they probably think that you don't want them round.

WeAllHaveWings · 30/12/2015 15:34

agree with pp why not just invite them round for a meal (your dh could bung a big steak pie in the oven?) or even a take-a-way if cooking is too much?

Original poster
Fugghetaboutit · 30/12/2015 15:35

No it's not really like that, they know I love having them round and always invite them but they always complain about how far it is (7miles) hence why I don't like to say come over on a certain day. Just surpised my mum is waiting over a week to come and see ds when she hasn't seen him over Christmas. My dad thought it was off as she's just sitting at home all week.

They're just home bodies really. Iabu anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fugghetaboutit · 30/12/2015 15:35

I'll message them both to come round

OP posts:
howtorebuild · 30/12/2015 15:41

I would feel bad for my ds too. Don't be so available, maybe don't tell them about the baby for a few day. Answer their queries with you thought it wasn't a big deal as the birthday of ds wasn't a big deal to them either.

BackforGood · 30/12/2015 15:50

I'd have just invited them, if I wanted them.
Just say it's ds's birthday tea or something.

Original poster
Fugghetaboutit · 30/12/2015 15:51

Ds adores them both so much, so it
Does upset me they don't seem bothered.

Meanwhile mil is clambering to see him all the time and he isn't very keen on her for various reasons

OP posts:
Boogers · 30/12/2015 15:58

I disagree with previous posters in that if it were me I'd feel pretty lonely and isolated. You are not being unreasonable in wishing your immediate family would consider you more in their plans, and I'd be pretty cheesed off too if I were in your shoes.

Practically thinking, I know it will be hard to get to a supermarket at 39+ weeks, and especially with SPD (had it with both of mine, hurts like hell, you have my utmost sympathy!) but is there any way you could lay on a few sausage rolls and invite your family round for a coffee and mince pie?

ImperialBlether · 30/12/2015 16:08

If my daughter was 39 weeks pregnant I'd be coming round to help out whenever she let me. It's hard work being pregnant, particularly if you already have young children. In fact I wouldn't have gone away over Christmas as I would have worried in case the new baby was born and help was needed at home.

TheSecondViola · 30/12/2015 16:12

7 miles is not a 45 mins drive. You can WALK 7 miles in that time.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 30/12/2015 16:12

Invite them, I agree.

Could they be trying not to get in your way?

I don't know whether it would upset me - my in-laws are an hour away but its always us who initiates seeing them for the kids' birthdays (we usually do a "family party" where we provide at least big home made pizzas, nibbles and cake, including for DD's second birthday the day before DS1 was born (but that was possibly a bit try hard - we also invited a few of neighbours with kids for coffee and cake - I was very concerned that she shouldn't be at all disadvantaged or put out by acquiring a baby sibling).

7 miles isn't far at all but 45 minutes is - is that through town traffic / by bus? I suppose a 45 minute bus journey would be quite unpleasant at this time of year. Could the new year's arrangement be about your mum waiting til somebody can give her a lift, especially if she might be carrying a bulky present?

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 30/12/2015 16:14

Cycle maybe, not walk TheSecond :o Especially at 39 weeks pregnant (I did wonder how 7 miles took 45 minutes too - it must be by bus or very bad traffic around a one way system or something.

BackforGood · 30/12/2015 16:31

Depends where you live TheSecondViola - easily take that long to do same length journeys to some places around here, if you pick the wrong time of day.

Boogers · 30/12/2015 16:33

SecondViola - YOU may be able to walk that distance in 45 minutes but a term woman with spd finds it excruciatingly painful to waddle to the loo, never mind up and down hills, along eerie, windy roads and in stormy and wintery conditions. Don't be so unforgiving. Not needed and not helpful.

CountryRoadTakeMeHome · 30/12/2015 16:37

Isn't Saturday the 2nd Jan?

fortifiedwithtea · 30/12/2015 16:40

TheSecondViola has no idea how excruciatingly painful spd is.

Flowers for OP and I hope your baby arrives on time.

CountryRoadTakeMeHome · 30/12/2015 16:40

Sorry that wasn't very helpful!

I would just invite them all round for a little get together bring a bottle etc and tell them it's to celebrate Christmas, new year and your sons birthdays.