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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think they should be able to play alone for a bit

28 replies

PinotAndPlaydough · 27/12/2015 18:45

My daughters (who have just turned 2 and 4 respectively) will not play alone. Surely they should be capable of entertaining themselves for at least a few minutes? They have plenty of toys and a nice big bedroom to play in as well as toys in the living room, yet they won't play unless I'm actively involved in the game. Am I expecting too much? I would quite like to have time to do my own thing and not to be followed around whilst doing house work with with children repeating the phrases "mummy can you play with us and mummy I'm bored"

OP posts:

KatyN · 27/12/2015 18:55

My 4 year old is really changeable on how much he can play by himself. Some activities he will sit silently for an hour, others he needs someone wth him.
He is particularly dreadful at entertaining himself after visitors. I like to refer to is as the grandparent hangover. It is a nightmare.

bornwithaplasticspoon · 27/12/2015 18:57

Yes but you need to 'engineer' it. Set up a teddy bears picnic, make a den, create a 'shop' etc. Make it exciting enough that they'll be gagging to play and won't notice you tiptoe away..

FairyFluffbum · 27/12/2015 18:58

Hmm they shouldbe able too but maybe they don't want to.

My two year old plays on her own all the time but occasionally she wants me to sit down and she brings me pretend food to eat and pretend tea to drink. She likes seeing me do it.

BeStrongAndCourageous · 27/12/2015 19:05

My DD is almost 4 and is very good at playing by herself. I suspect this is because I've done a very good job at making myself the "boring parent" - my kids know that Mummy will read to them, or sing to them, and will always cuddle them, but she doesn't "do" playing.

I model myself on my grandma, who raised a brace of happy kids and never played with any of them. Complain to her that you were bored, and she'd give you a job to do, so you learnt to find other ways to occupy your time pretty bloody quickly!

Enjolrass · 27/12/2015 19:27

My four year old has only just started playing by himself in the last week. He us nearly five.

WildStallions · 27/12/2015 19:30

They are old enough to play by themselves.

Original poster

PinotAndPlaydough · 27/12/2015 19:43

Maybe I should start dishing out chores when they moan!
I actually enjoy playing with them but it can get tedious when I'm having demands made all day long.

I've tried setting up games and activities for them but unless it's a messy or creative activity they just don't seem interested.

OP posts:

Sparklycat · 27/12/2015 19:44

My 22 month old has been playing independently for ages, she sets up scenarios (mainly with dinosaurs or dolls) and plays imaginative games with them for a large amount of time, up to 30 mins without coming to me for interaction. I might get flamed down for leaving her alone for so long (I'm in the same room!) but I think it's invaluable to teach them to play on their own.

usual · 27/12/2015 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SilverDragonfly1 · 27/12/2015 19:47

I must admit I just didn't put up with being followed about and nagged. I would play for a while, but then just did what I needed to do and ignored whinging. I don't really understand why people don't just say 'no'. It is so important for children to be able to entertain themselves and extend their concentration spans!

kesstrel · 27/12/2015 19:49

I think this varies a lot due to personality differences. Also levels of development vary. You could try setting a timer and telling them they have to do their own thing until the beeper goes.

PurpleThermalsNowItsWinter · 27/12/2015 19:50

My DC are 6&4 and have only just started playing alone together the last few months.

ghostyslovesheep · 27/12/2015 19:54

you need to learn the following phrases

no one ever died from boredom

teacher54321 · 27/12/2015 20:07

be strong at last a parent who is the same as me! I don't 'do' playing really-find it excruciating. I talk to da all day long, we go out and do fun stuff, I read loads of stories and do singing, but I don't do trains and cars. Luckily dh is a train geek who will happily play those for hours and both grandmas are great at puzzles etc. TBF Ds does play very well by himself

amitha · 27/12/2015 20:07

I think you could try ignoring them harder!

I find if i keep busy near them they amuse themselves, the minute they notice I'm idle they're all over me.

tobysmum77 · 27/12/2015 20:24

Of course they can play in their own, but you keep playing with them the second they moan.

witsender · 27/12/2015 20:27

At 2.5 and 4 my eldest struggled, at 5 and 3.5 they're better.

Everytimeref · 27/12/2015 20:36

They need to be taught how to play on their own. By giving in each time, how will they learn to be independent?
My DSS and DSD didnt know how to entertain themselves when I first meet them. They hadnt been expected too. My DH thought he had to entertain them 24/7, now he and they realise how important being able to occupy yourself is.

plantsitter · 27/12/2015 20:49

I have one who will play on her own and one who finds it difficult. But if you push through the awful whingy bit I bet you'll find they'll do it for a bit. Practise saying 'I'm busy'.

By the way I find this difficult too but it is worth putting up with a few minutes' whining.

CFSsucks · 27/12/2015 20:59

I know children like this (and they are older and it hadn't got any better) and it's because they were never just left alone when they were younger so they were utterly incapable of playing by themselves. It's excruciating when you are visiting and your friend buggers off and leaves you because her children want her to play hide and seek. I find visitng her any time annoying as her children are constantly wanting something from her and she obliges all the time.

My children are good at playing by themselves, I'm not one to play (apart from actual games, stories etc) and don't really do sitting on the floor playing with toys, I find it so boring, then feel guilty. The DCs have even mentioned that "mummy doesn't play with us" but I get bored after a couple of minutes. They are great at entertaining themselves though which is what children do. I'm guessing you have given in a lot and played with them instead of saying no and that you had bits to be getting on with.

Original poster

PinotAndPlaydough · 27/12/2015 21:27

I think I do need to say no a bit more, before I had them I worked with children and I think I got into some bad habits especially with my eldest as I was so used to playing all day long at work.
My youngest is slightly better at entertaining herself but copies her sister with the complaining. I then feel really guilty that I'm not paying them attention

OP posts:

ginorwine · 27/12/2015 22:33

My children played better on their own if I was near them and sort of alongside them .so that they knew I was close by and reassured .but if I was in a different part of the house they always came with me .for eg they wd have water play in the bath whilst I sorted clothes or cleaned .played with pans whilst I cooked etc .

blackheartsgirl · 27/12/2015 22:41

I wonder about this with my 8 and 5 year old, they constantly want me to play with them, they also both have really short attention spans and it drives me nuts

MarlenaGru · 27/12/2015 22:47

I think it is partially personality too. My sister could never play alone but I have always been able to. Both my DC just run off and play. I hardly even see my eldest when she and I are home, except for meals! Youngest is pretty good for her age too. I think I am exceptionally good at ignoring them when I need to get stuff done though .

I also find it horrendous when I have play dates and have children following me around the house asking me for things while DD plays happily on her own...

fusionconfusion · 27/12/2015 23:00

I don't think there's any should, here. My 6 and 4 year old could play for hours together. So can my 4 and 2 year old. But when my 6 and 4 year old were 4 and 2 they were barely able to play together with me. It took ds1 a bit longer to learn not to have my full attention than the others but it came in time.

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