to be annoyed at my Dad

[BooOzMoo]

Invited Dad for Christmas. We lost DM June last year and had my dad and DH DP's last year.
Dad is normally okay , he's deaf so shouts a lot and has COPD.
He came and last visit was 3 weeks ago. Then we took DC to choose xmas presents. He left them here for me to wrap.
He arrive on 23rd with just his stuff! No wine, no beer, not even a box of chocolates for the kids.
While he's here, been really fucking annoying. He calls my 4 year old a snob constantly. He loves to annoy her and now she just give him a look as if to say fuck off whatever. He regularly calls me a bitch. Everything we watch on TV is shite and he wants what he wants on TV. We only eat shite food ! He's sat on his arse for 4 days, been fed, bought his own beer as DH beer is shite, prosecco is shite, he has full access to DD room to sleep.
I've just felt like he's spent the whole of Christmas trying to piss me, DH & DC off !!!
He's from Liverpool and swearing is just his normal vocabulary. I've lived down south for 15 years so somethings I go have changed .... I just fm feel like I've been run ragged with 3 kids and then one extra big massive 69 year old kid.
I had to take him out yesterday to give the kids a break from him annoying them! Also thought DH face was getting too red!!!
He's not normally this bad!

And what have you said to him about his behaviour? Sorry, but anyone who called me a butch would nor be welcome in my house.

I pull him up about the swearing constantly ..... I might say something messing with him, being sarcastic and he'll call me a bitch.
It's mainly annoying me about him calling the kids snobs!! It's constant. They are just well brought up, polite kids.

Have you said anything. Especially when he is calling your DD a snob that would really push me over the edge I'd snap and ask him to explain himself. It's probably because she has manners and... no offence... does not sound like he can relate to that?
I'd have been going on at him "stop swearing we do not swear in this house... If you don't like TV you can go to the bedroom... The food we eat is perfectly fine thank you... you can always go to the supermarket and buy something else if you wish and cook that for yourself?"

And imo yanbu

Spoke to my DSIL DB wife who said we are just not used to him anymore... You've just got to accept that's what he's like.
I think he usually comes Friday night and leaves Monday morning.
Normally he's more helpful round the house but he honestly made a cup of tea about 1 hour before he left.
I do say something but he takes great offence and says that he knows when he's not wanted ( another of his ongoing jokes) I love him loads but this Snob business is grating. The kids love him too but after a while they are ready for him to leave too !

I'm sorry to hear that boo sounds like he's a bit unhappy too not surprising seeing as your DM has passed away and he's trying to adapt to a new way of life...

It tends to be a bit of a chippy Scouse thing, the "snob" business, tbh - you hear it a lot here in Liverpool, and it tends to refer to someone with polite manners and a southern accent: he probably thinks he's being funny...

The swearing & criticising the kids would piss me off.

The bringing nothing but his own beer wouldn't bother me either, neither would him doing nothing-although it would be nice to be asked rather than it taken for granted that he could do nothing.

Did ... He brought nothing!!! I bought his beer!!!! I don't expect him to do anything, except maybe take out his plate, cup, ect ....

Hefzi that's what I guessed!!! I've not lived there for 15 years so way out of it now... Only found out what a 'lid' was last week!!!
I know he thinks he's being funny but my 4 year old is feeling a bit meh! Which makes me feel meh!
Mum and dad were not a couple when she died!!!!

I misunderstood, thought he'd brought his own beer as he knew he didn't like what you had.

"except maybe take out his plate, cup, ect ...."

Ah, sorry, didn't occur to me that you meant he had done absolutely nothing at all

Boo Problem is, it's not funny, as you say - and she's only a very little girl when all's said and done: she shouldn't be having to take "banter" from her grandad - but perhaps he doesn't know how else to communicate with her?

If he won't reign in his behaviour, try shorter visits, so it doesn't grate so much perhaps? My family are your way, and though my Dad would drive up and back in a day he's too old and it's not sensible it's a lot of effort to go to: overnight or two nights is very doable, though- and remember, guests and fish stink after three days! And if you book tickets well in advance on the train, it's not expensive at all to get a return to London from Liverpool. And get him a swearbox for when he's at yours, and charge him a quid a pop, no credit - your house, your rules

His behaviour sounds horrid and I would be telling him it's time to go home!

As a northerner who has lived in the South for many years though the snob thing doesn't surprise me. I have been called a snob, a southern softy, and a lefty by friends and family still in the North who seem to feel intimidated because life down here isn't conducted as one long confrontation.

"Ey up I'm a northerner and I call a spade a spade and tell it like it is" is how they justify rudeness and obnoxiousnous

Could he be overcompensating after the loss of your mum? (so sorry for your loss btw) you know thinking he's being 'entertaining' a là Jim Royle. Scouse Dads are a law unto themselves at the best of times. Mine became far less thoughtful about things like taking glasses back to the kitchen, offering help when over etc. Possibly age related too?
But, and the big but... I lost my wonderful old git 3 weeks ago today, and would give anything to hear him winding the kids up unnecessarily or just moaning about things that have no bearing on his life.
I'll adopt your Dad once he's back home and knock some manners back into him for you

Yep in the north every other work is a swear word and we are rough and rude all the time
If that what you think of everyone in the north (not just the OP other have commented as well) maybe a snobby attitude is coming out a bit

I am from Liverpool - I think your dad has behaved badly - I think that has nothing to do with him being northern

hth

My northern relatives think my family are posh just because we don't have northern accents (I naturally and slowly lost mine after living in the south for a few years)

It sounds like your dad just wants a bit of tender banter, so telling dc they are snobs should lead to 'well you would think that being from the pool heh heh heh'
Not easy to adapt but where on earth were you dropped from that you can't relate to your dad? Cut him some slack, he is saying the wrong thing because everything he says is being met with derision.
Don't remotely agree with swearing BTW but I think he is just looking for some fun/banter and would take it if it wasn't so rule based.
Discliamer, clearly don't know the man and he could be a complete xxx

Lol dollymixture I don't think that's what people in the north are like - I am a northerner after all

But there are people, much like some of my family and friends, who think that southerners are snobs and soft. I know of fellow northerners who live in the south who have had similar comments.

Not all, but some.

Chopz my family up north think I talk posh - my dh, dc's and friends say I sound northern - can't win either way 😄

Tell him to get to fuck back to Liverpool and don't invite him to your house again. He sounds like a complete arsehole.

Feral I'm so sorry to hear you've lost your dad! It's a bit shit.
He my daddy and I love him unconditionally. I don't hear the bitches ... My DH does. I just take it as him being him. I can't have my DD aged 4 being constantly worn down though, she's a baby she doesn't even know what a snob is!!!!!!
It was shocking because he's not normally like this!
I dunno what's changed in the past 3 weeks. We do all we can for him to make him as welcome and comfortable as possible.... I feel like it's been thrown in my face.....

My Dh will swear something rotten with his family, I pulled him up on swearing in front of his son when we first met I was disgusted and he doesn't do it anymore. He also doesnt do it in front of my family. Swearing and being rude/course in front of children isn't something that you tolerate, I wouldn't be able to put up with it. I'd tell him off every time. It's not on.

Swearing isn't a northern thing, or a southern thing, it's a rude thing especially in front of little ones there's a time and a place for bad language.-- mean spirited "banter" isn't something to enter into with a small child.

How has his health been op ?

It could be early dementia.. It seems a bit out of character from what you've wrote about him..

Oh of course you love him!!! - it's more than obvious it's just (quite rightly) that you're prioritising the needs of your children, I'm sure you don't want to leave it so they end up dreading seeing him too and end up with no relationship too. Ignore me, I'm all 'grievy' and got rose tinted Dad specs on
It does sound really strange for such a rapid deterioration in behaviour. I'd wait until he's back in his own environment then reassess his behaviour, it could be that he's experienced a neurological event. Does your DB feel his behaviour has changed?