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Original poster

DP has a face on because I was texting my son

46 replies

BathBubblesOfHell · 21/12/2015 22:54

My 16 year old (previously angelic) son has been going off the rails a bit lately drinking, staying out and basically being a bit wild. This morning I found out he's regularly smokes and tonight I come home from work to be told he's gone to a party and won't be home until tomorrow. Naturally I keep texting him trying to find out as much info as possible - dp has a face on about this saying I should be watching movie with him, not texting DS. On top of this he starts whinging that my 14 year old keeps him awake by staying up through the night in his xbox. Ironically HIS kids were here over the weekend - one was screeching into an online microphone until 3am (at 20 years old!) and the youngest didn't actually go to bed until 6am. So I say "to be fair when it comes to night times, your kids are just as bad" - he's now in a massive mood saying I'm out of order and have "upset him" ... Yet he can say what he likes about my kids?? And aside from all this, I could do with a bit of support right now with my eldest but instead I get told I shouldn't even be texting him?!

OP posts:
TimeToMuskUp · 21/12/2015 22:55

Is he like this all the time?

steff13 · 21/12/2015 22:56

Have you posted about this guy before?

magoria · 21/12/2015 22:57

He's a hypocrite. And an unattractive sulky boy.

How long have you been together?

Hihohoho1 · 21/12/2015 22:58

Mmm what a twat! Adults are supposed to help other adults bring up kids.

He sounds boringly immature.

defineme · 21/12/2015 22:58

Do you actually like each other?

TattyDevine · 21/12/2015 22:59

Ugh, I couldn't be doing with this. I have a friend who has a husband who sulks if she is on her phone or her laptop in the evening when they are watching TV. Okay so if she is unresponsive if they are trying to chat, or at the dinner table, fine that is one thing. But if they are having "leisure" time, she should be able to spend it how she wants. Unless incessant tapping of a keyboard or key tones is genuinely disturbing him, I don't get the angst. Free time is free time!

Hassled · 21/12/2015 23:00

What a twat. Why are you with him? So you've upset him - I'm quite sure he'll cope. Does the fact he's upset you even register with him?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 21/12/2015 23:03

Sulking because the attention is not all on him. He sounds more like a teenager than your 16 ds does.

Original poster
BathBubblesOfHell · 21/12/2015 23:04

On Sunday I got up early and started trawling the Internet for price quotes to take me, DP and all 4 kids to New York for a week. He sits at the table and starts typing stuff into a phone he'd bought his youngest for Christmas before declaring "I can't think of a password he'd remember!". I immediately think of what his DS had told me regarding passwords he uses and just before I could tell DP a perfect password he blurts out "oh typical! You don't want to know!! You just sit there quiet because you don't give a shit even though I've just wrapped presents up for your kids!" 3 times I try and tell him I was thinking of a great password but each time he interrupts me with "no! Doesn't matter! You're not bothered!!".

In the end I think "bollocks to this shit" and go and get a bath. He later comes up to apologise but I'm sick to death of getting it in the neck because he has a shit relationship with his kids. (They ignore him if he texts them which is why I think he hates me and ds texting). He makes me resent his kids because he's constantly getting at me in aid of them

OP posts:
AtSea1979 · 21/12/2015 23:07

I must admit I can't stand it when people are constantly on their phones when you are trying to spend time with them. However, you have a genuine concern and need to be on your phone and he should be supporting you through this. What exactly does he bring to this relationship that makes you want to put up with this?

PunkrockerGirl · 21/12/2015 23:12

Life's far too short OP.
Get rid, he sounds like a complete arse.

PopcornFrenzy · 21/12/2015 23:12

WTF are you both letting these children walk all over you? Why don't you both grow up and start parenting this future generation? What the actual fuck is a 14 year old doing being allowed to be on an Xbox all night??

Cloppysow · 21/12/2015 23:21

Is this the same guy who lets his kids eat everything and says your kids are greedy?

TheFormidableMrsC · 21/12/2015 23:39

What are you dong with this jealous, insecure manchild? Get rid before he does something awful

Been there, DD has the scars to prove it

steff13 · 22/12/2015 00:09

That's the previous thread I was thinking of, too, Cloppy.

OP, if you are that poster, you need to LTB.

Shutthatdoor · 22/12/2015 00:14

WTF are you both letting these children walk all over you?

^ this.

Neither your or his DC are behaving well tbh.

Tenementfunster · 22/12/2015 00:22

Have you posted about this charm bucket before?
It all sounds familiar
Why oh why oh why are you still with him?

Iggi999 · 22/12/2015 00:41

Agree with popcorn.

elephantoverthehill · 22/12/2015 00:50

I think 'dong' is a good descriptor. Sorry Formidable, I'm not taking the mickey. I just thought it was good typo.

Moonriver1 · 22/12/2015 03:37

This all sounds awful.

Your kids will pick up on the resentment, bitterness, point scoring and anger and it is damaging to them all.

They are teenagers but are still too young to get the nuances and difficulties of step family life (well adult life in general) so they will feel they are to blame for all the bad feeling and unhappiness.

If this is a regular occurrence, him speaking to you like that, him being resentful and jealous of your relationship with your dc and picking holes in them and their behaviour then I strongly urge you to break up with this man, who is a prick.

But I'm afraid your behaviour doesn't shower you in glory either. You both sound very emotionally inadequate and immature to be honest.

Moonriver1 · 22/12/2015 03:40

Oh and I really wouldn't go ahead with the NYC trip.

It will be stress, stress, stress, culminating in resentment over spending so much money when the kids 'didn't appreciate it' and you spent the whole time arguing.

Holidays are hard enough with functional families! And expensive city breaks with teenagers is really not the for the feint hearted. Don't do it. Spend the money on putting a deposit on a new flat for yourself and your dc.

Sansoora · 22/12/2015 04:11

OP, that sounds ghastly.

Please dont go ahead with the holiday. Its not going to be a magic wand and make your family dysfunction disappear. Its going to have the opposite affect, its going to be miserable and highlight even more the awfulness in your family life. Why do it to yourself? Why rub salt in a wound? Keep your money and start to organise a new life for you and yours away from this man.

Oh, and you may want to think about what role in your son going off the rails a bit is due to his home life.

firesidechat · 22/12/2015 04:16

Yes it's the same op. For some reason I knew it would be you even before clicking on the thread.

Once again it sounds exhausting in your house. I actually think a 14 year old and 16 year old need different rules to a 20 year old and a late teen (?). Obviously being noisy in the early hours isn't on, but an adult going to bed at 6 in the morning is up to them, as long as they aren't a nuisance. You need to get your youngest off the bloody x box all night.

I assume you only came on for a rant though and nothing will actually get done.

AngelsOnHigh · 22/12/2015 04:17

So sorry , but I think you both could do with a reality check. Who are the adults here. Sounds as though the kids are running amok while you both play the blame game.

MistressDeeCee · 22/12/2015 04:43

I remember your previous thread OP.

I don't think those implying the DCs are going off the rails are being entirely fair; most teens have a little period of doing this, it may not be "nice" but shit happens.

But with your 16 year old staying out at overnight parties - Im not surprised to tbh the atmosphere in your home must be awful. Id rebel about that. Im 52 now & can recall from years before my parents split up they were bickering and tense with each other - I hated spending time at home as soon as I reached 16 was off out here & there with mates, especially at weekends. Sit home for what? The pleasure of being in an atmosphere fraught with tension? No thanks.

If you need to cling to such a pain in the arse of a man for dear life thats your call. Not really fair on your DCs tho but depends if that matters to you or not I suppose. If he comes before your own DCs then just put up with him. Your DCs will escape him when they leave home, in their shoes Id do that as soon as possible. They'll likely avoid you as much as possible when they do leave too

Im sure you can guess why

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