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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP has a face on because I was texting my son

46 replies

BathBubblesOfHell · 21/12/2015 22:54

My 16 year old (previously angelic) son has been going off the rails a bit lately drinking, staying out and basically being a bit wild. This morning I found out he's regularly smokes and tonight I come home from work to be told he's gone to a party and won't be home until tomorrow. Naturally I keep texting him trying to find out as much info as possible - dp has a face on about this saying I should be watching movie with him, not texting DS. On top of this he starts whinging that my 14 year old keeps him awake by staying up through the night in his xbox. Ironically HIS kids were here over the weekend - one was screeching into an online microphone until 3am (at 20 years old!) and the youngest didn't actually go to bed until 6am. So I say "to be fair when it comes to night times, your kids are just as bad" - he's now in a massive mood saying I'm out of order and have "upset him" ... Yet he can say what he likes about my kids?? And aside from all this, I could do with a bit of support right now with my eldest but instead I get told I shouldn't even be texting him?!

OP posts:

MistressDeeCee · 22/12/2015 04:47

I remember your previous thread OP

Those implying the DCs are running wild are being unfair. Teens can go off the rails for a while, shit like that happens, its to be hoped they get through that phase after a while. But it can have much to do with their home life, can't it?

Im not surprised your 16 year old is out and about all hours, I wouldn't want to sit at home in an atmosphere fraught with tension. Because the way you and your DP are with each other will be patently obvious, as is the way he feels about your own DCs

As I said on your previous thread - your man is a pain in the arse. If he matters to you more than your own DCs - which I guess he must do as you are still venting on here but nothing seems to have moved on - then, just put up with him. But when your DCs leave home asap - which they will do, since it hardly sounds like its all lovely at home, then don't be surprised when you barely hear from them. I guess you'll understand why.

Sansoora · 22/12/2015 05:12

Mistress, Im confused

in one post you say I don't think those implying the DCs are going off the rails are being entirely fair

then in the next you say Those implying the DCs are running wild are being unfair. Teens can go off the rails for a while,

What is it to be?

Moonriver1 · 22/12/2015 05:19

Oh I've just twigged who the OP is too. Wow so many threads, so much advice, always ignored, nothing changes. Your poor kids. I really mean that. Grow a pair and get the fuck out of this relationship.

tibbawyrots · 22/12/2015 06:38

I'm more at the phone being set up and password being chosen for an adult... Half the fun of getting a new phone is the set up. You do that sort of thing for toddlers who need things to go straight out of the wrappings but not adults...

tibbawyrots · 22/12/2015 06:40

Oh and the OP has posted before about the lack of respect and togetherness that her and her partner have but doesn't appear to take any advice or do anything about it.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 22/12/2015 07:01

She posts periodically with the same scenario, her partner is jealous of her kids whilst his can do no wrong, etc.

She probably won't post again under this name, take no notice of anything said and will be back having another whinge in a couple of months.

If this is real it's her kids who are the victims here and she deserves pity rather than anger as she's clearly unable to live without this shit excuse of a man.

Narp · 22/12/2015 07:03

Sansoora

And in her OP she says her son 'has been going off the rails a bit lately'

Sansoora · 22/12/2015 08:28

*Sansoora

And in her OP she says her son 'has been going off the rails a bit lately'*

Yes. She does.

Its such a general term that common sense surely prevails and a person can get the gist of what it means from the sense of the OP.

YellowDinosaur · 22/12/2015 09:29

Yanbu about your dp moaning about you texting your son. However that's where it stops.

This:

I actually think a 14 year old and 16 year old need different rules to a 20 year old and a late teen (?). Obviously being noisy in the early hours isn't on, but an adult going to bed at 6 in the morning is up to them, as long as they aren't a nuisance. You need to get your youngest off the bloody x box all night

lexlees · 22/12/2015 11:25

How do you allow a 16 year old to go off to a party without permission - without knowing the address of the place he is going or the parents of the place he is going to.

Why do you allow a 14 year old to play an xbox late at night? Don't you care about his eyes? His mind? Sleep? Staying up to three even if it is the holidays is just lax on your part.

Boundaries? Have you heard of them?

I want to pity you, but when you ask questions displaying a life where there are no boundaries for the kids and you can't have a mature conversation with your dp - you will end up with responses like this.

But in answer to your questions YANBU for being annoyed at the immature response of your dp.

YABU in the way you are allowing your children (and his) to act disrespectfully and without boundaries. Poor quality parenting.

TheSecondViola · 22/12/2015 11:39

You've got a 16 year old drinking and staying out all night, and a 14 year old screaming all night into an xbox...and you think your main problem is your boyfriend being a bit snarky about texts?
Jesus, forget about him and sort your bloody kids out!

AyeAmarok · 22/12/2015 11:55

Yes, HIBU.

Same as we we tell you every other week.

Will you listen this time? No.

DoJo · 22/12/2015 18:39

Your kids are probably acting up because you continue to expose them to someone who treats them badly in favour of his own children. The chances are that they have identified the fact that you fail to prioritise them over your relationship and it gives them the impression that you are too busy dealing with your relationship issues to pay much attention to their antics.

And it seems to be working - instead of coming here to ask for advice on how to help your sons, you are trying to fix your relationship with a man who has repeatedly demonstrated that he is incapable of parenting his own children, let alone being a positive influence in the lives of yours.

Enjolrass · 22/12/2015 18:54

This is getting ridiculous.

You are both failing your kids.

You insist on staying with this man at your kids expense and you are both letting your kids do what they want.

No one In Your house is happy.

But I guess you will ignore all advice like you have every other time

Sansoora · 23/12/2015 05:00

I think the OP and her partner have fall outs then make up and its the
false excitement of the make up that makes her think Oh we really do have something'.

She needs to start discounting the making up when it comes to judging the reality if it all.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 23/12/2015 05:12

Isn't this poster the latest incarnation of boxy? She won't listen. Just keeps posting the same scenario over and over and ignoring anyone's actual input.

PenguindreamsofDraco · 23/12/2015 07:19

You again? If it's this boring to keep reading the same old crap, what must it be like to live it.

Enjolrass · 23/12/2015 07:25

Sansoora has it.

The OP loves the drama and excitement of arguing and making up.

Picturesofmatchstickmen · 23/12/2015 09:59

I always recognise your posts, and feel so sorry for your kids, your dp clearly resents them and they must know it. I don't know why you post for advice when you will never put your kids before your relationship with him.

MistressDeeCee · 24/12/2015 01:06

Sansoora its a typo. It was late. Earlier in the thread I felt some were blaming the 16 year old for his bad behaviour. The point I was trying to make was no, its not his fault its the fault of the adults who are meant to be parenting him. His mum is utterly absorbed in a useless man, said useless man resents him & he must know it, hence why would he even want to be at home in an atmosphere like that?

Thats the gist of it really

MistressDeeCee · 24/12/2015 01:08

Im now wondering how the hell the 14 year old manages to get to school much less do well, after being up all night on the xbox which is likely preferable listening to and watching his mum & her dp's dysfunctional behaviour. I almost hope this whole story is untrue & the OP is an attention seeker, because the thought of the life her DCs are living makes me sad

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