Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at dp?

34 replies

Lopsidale · 21/12/2015 17:43

I live with my dp and we have a 6month old son. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I asked him to get full time work and he still hasn't. It's not because no where will employ him but because he just won't try! I work part time (20 hours a week) in a really physical job which leaves me absolutely shattered when I get home. We're really struggling for money. I thought about getting an evening job, but a) it'll make me so tired and b) dp moans a lot anyway that he has to have ds while I work (bearing in mind my mum has ds three times a week for dp).

Sorry for the rant but I'm feeling fed up Angry

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 21/12/2015 17:45

I'm getting so depressed at these constant "My DP is an asshole but I'm having / had a / 2 / 3 child / children with him."

Were you not concerned about his lack of employment prior to getting pregnant?

Orda1 · 21/12/2015 17:45

What does he do?

MizK · 21/12/2015 17:49

Does he work part time at the moment or not at all?

YANBU. Of course you shouldn't be having to take an evening job on top of what you are doing already.

Why does your mum have your baby for him? What does he do during this child free time? Because if it isn't cleaning, laundry, working or job hunting then he's taking the piss.

Is the baby still waking at night? If so who gets up to see to him?

goodnightdarthvader1 · 21/12/2015 17:50

What does he do? dp moans a lot anyway that he has to have ds while I work

That seems to be it. So a lazy fucking waste of space who doesn't even want to parent his child.

Original poster
Lopsidale · 21/12/2015 18:00

The baby was a surprise not planned, so I wasn't concerned about him only working part time back then as I could support myself.

My mum has ds to give my dp a "break". Although I don't think he needs one at all.

I always ask him to do little things like tidy up, do the laundry etc and when I come home it is still not done! I don't think I could end it with him as I struggle with pnd (yes even after 6 months) and need his "help"

OP posts:
Original poster
Lopsidale · 21/12/2015 18:02

We also take it in turns to get up with ds at night (he usually sleeps through though)

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 21/12/2015 18:05

and need his "help"

What help exactly?

Enjolrass · 21/12/2015 18:05

A break from doing what?

Original poster
Lopsidale · 21/12/2015 18:22

Idk what he needs a break from but he gets one anyway!!

And I think it's just the feeling of being over whelmed by having ds all on my own. I'm sure I could manage.

OP posts:
MizK · 21/12/2015 18:26

You know he's a wrongun. If your mum can help him then I bet she would help you as a single parent. Yoh absolutely could manage without him. If you are really in love with him and want to give him a last chance, perhaps you need to very clearly lay it on the line for him: sort yourself out and stop being so fucking lazy or leave.

ghostyslovesheep · 21/12/2015 18:30

can you not go full time? why does he have to?

PennyHasNoSurname · 21/12/2015 18:31

Hoenstly I would re jig things here (well actually Id kick the bastard out but if you want to try and fix it first....)

  • on the days you work he has DS himself. End Of.
  • on one of your days off, your mum has DS (even just for four/five hrs) so you can get some downtime.
  • on the days he has DS he should be able to do a food shop, do a clean (while ds is napping) and do a batch of laundry, even if just one of these things per day

INSIST to your DM that she does not have DS for your DP but for you.

PennyHasNoSurname · 21/12/2015 18:32

Oh and yes, you could also work FT but he would then be the SAHP and do all that it entails

TheBunnyOfDoom · 21/12/2015 18:32

Why do you stay with a man who is so totally incapable of cleaning up and looking after his own child?

hampsterdam · 21/12/2015 18:39

He's a lazy knobend.
Are you getting treatment for pnd?
I'm sure your mum would help you if you decide to leave him.
As for him needing a break ho ho ho. When do you get a break?
Ultimatum time I think, full time job by end of Jan or out.
Check what you would be entitled to as a single parent.

LaContessaDiPlump · 21/12/2015 18:51

I wouldn't want to hang on to him. Save yourself the hassle and dump his arse.

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/12/2015 18:52

YABVU to be annoyed with your DP. You should be fucking furious with him.

MrsH1989 · 21/12/2015 19:15

Sorry but he doesnt sound like much of a catch! He isnt helping you right now so it will make no difference whether he stays or goes. I gave my DH an ultimatum once when DS was 6 months old. He had been studying (fair enough) but always found time to go to the gym/pub rather than help me with DS. I found myself alone with baby12-14 hours a day and doing all night wakings. Now we are pretty 50/50 with everything and it is amazing. If you want to stay he needs to step up.

Original poster
Lopsidale · 21/12/2015 19:18

I can't do full time work where I am right now ( I have asked).

Should I say he has till end of Jan to find a job or else he's out??

OP posts:
Original poster
Lopsidale · 21/12/2015 19:21

I can't do full time work where I am right now ( I have asked).

Should I say he has till end of Jan to find a job or else he's out??

OP posts:
Goingtobeawesome · 21/12/2015 19:23

I think your depression would disappear once you get rid of this prick.

Wristy · 21/12/2015 19:24

Cut out the middle man, bin the layabout, and your lovely mum can give you a little break from DS when you need it.

gamerchick · 21/12/2015 19:27

Only issue ultimatums if you're prepared to follow through.

What does he do now, can he not up his hours?

harshbuttrue1980 · 21/12/2015 20:25

Is he working part time at the moment, or not at all? I think that both people need to be responsible for supporting the family (unless one is a sahp by agreement), so I'd say he has to find some sort of work or he's out. However, if he's part time and you're part time, I don't see why he should be the one who has to go full-time? I don't think it should be the case that the man automatically has to be the main breadwinner.

Enjolrass · 21/12/2015 20:28

Idk what he needs a break from but he gets one anyway!!

Your m should never have been doing the three days

But tbh it would be worse if he was classed as a sahd and you split up.

Don't give him a ultimatum. I never say this, but Kick him out.