to be annoyed at dp?

[Lopsidale]

I live with my dp and we have a 6month old son. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I asked him to get full time work and he still hasn't. It's not because no where will employ him but because he just won't try! I work part time (20 hours a week) in a really physical job which leaves me absolutely shattered when I get home. We're really struggling for money. I thought about getting an evening job, but a) it'll make me so tired and b) dp moans a lot anyway that he has to have ds while I work (bearing in mind my mum has ds three times a week for dp).

Sorry for the rant but I'm feeling fed up

He has, in effect, had 15 months to get himself a job. Bin the lazy so and so and you'll feel so much better, and likely better off without the extra mouth to feed.

I think that end of Jan is a good deadline to get himself sorted by. Lots of places start recruiting in the new year.

Yes of course, the end of Jan is plenty of time, but be prepared to follow through or you'll be in a worse position than you are now, as he'll know you don't mean it

I'll be very surprised if he steps up, but he may just do it

Does anyone else read

"Is my dh being unreasonable/pita/twatbag etc"

And automatically think probably?

He is taking you for a ride. He has it nice and easy where he gets to sit at home all day and have you wait on him hand and foot. Tell him he has to go and get a job, a full time job or he is out. Also talk to your mum and stop her from having your baby whilst you are at work. Tell her he doesn't need a break..he doesn't do anything. If she wants to help, have the baby on your days off for a couple of hours so you have time to relax

Why would you give him yet another deadline for him to miss and come up with excuses for?

He's had over a full year, and has done fuck all.

Just leave OP/make him leave.

It's amazing how many people with PND also seem to have extremely wanky partners in their lives. Obviously I'm not saying one causes the other, but it sure as fuck can't help.

It's all very well upholding the ideology: that women as well as men can be the breadwinner, but in this case the man a) fails to do childcare while his partner works- he offloads that on the OP's mum, and b) does no domestic or household work.

So how would working full time be a solution that helps this particular OP? How will her trust and sense of teamwork in her relationship improve when she is coming home knackered to piles of laundry and a DP who has sat on his arse all day while granny looks after his child?

Op: have a word with your Mum. She is facilitating this nonsense and giving him a sense of entitlement. If she stops having the baby while you are working and he is home, my bet is your DP will whizz into f/t work as fast as he can!

Ditch him. My pnd got much better ince my lazy ex moved out, i'm willing to believe yours will too.

I often read threads on MN where women have shitty home lives thanks to crappy partners and they say they have depression. I'd bet my bottom dollar 80% of them are just having a very natural reaction to being put upon and treated like shit rather than true depression and I'd bet that if you weren't constantly worried about your lazy arse DP not working and still foisting your DC off on DM then you'd suddenly feel a whole lot better.

I am curious as to what you do when you come home after working hard and he hasn't done anything.

Yes, he is a lazy b**rd , but you have obviously allowed this to happen more than once. Once too many times and he has gotten used to getting away with it.

Even if I am a SAHM, when dh wasn't pulling his weight (housework wise), I made it clear that I don't need him - he needs me and that if he was a dead weight, then I am quite happy to ditch him and take our ds and live happily away from him - oh and since I am an ex-lawyer - to sue his pants for every penny. It completely worked. Of course I was just making a point (I love dh to bits). But I know he only becomes lazy if I allow it. So I simply don't allow it.

DH was even unemployed for a long stretch, but it wasn't because he wasn't trying - it was just the market at the time. I never held that against him or nagged him about it - there was no point. But if he stopped trying - my gosh, I would have packed my bags and moved in with family until he made an effort (of course, I would have moved back once he got his ass in gear).

I think you should make a clear stand/ultimatum and well if it backfires and he walks away, then you are better off without him. But you must do it - sometimes men will only get the message when you do something dramatic and unexpected.

Christmas is the perfect time for such melodrama.