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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that DP has done this

38 replies

Specialsnowflake1 · 20/12/2015 17:43

Its our 2 year anniversary (not married but being together) he went of the the pub at lunch time with my blessing and I asked him to be back at dinner time. As i thought we could at least have had dinner together to mark it(just a take away nothing special). I phone him to find out his plans and he is eating dinner out so I am being left to eat on my own with the dog.

I know I am probably bu but its pissed me off for some reason.

OP posts:
FourEyesGood · 20/12/2015 17:44

Does he know that the anniversary is important to you? Is he even aware of the significance of the date?

Original poster
Specialsnowflake1 · 20/12/2015 17:45

Yip he is fully aware so he can't use that as an excuse. Last year we went out for dinner and drinks so he knows.

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 20/12/2015 18:02

Yanbu if he knew it was important to you.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/12/2015 18:05

He didn't even tell you he was eating? You only found out because you called him? That's shitty.

Original poster
Specialsnowflake1 · 20/12/2015 18:07

Yip he was standing in the take away to grab dinner to head back to the shitty pub that he is in. I think I'm acting a bit u I have mad PMT but I just wanted to have a nice meal and watch a movie.

OP posts:
P1nkP0ppy · 20/12/2015 18:10

So he's spent the best part of the day in the pub and clearly has no intention of coming home before it closes?

Not much of a catch is he?

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/12/2015 18:10

Is he normally shitty or is this a one off? Did he apologise or anything?

Original poster
Specialsnowflake1 · 20/12/2015 18:14

I hung up before he could and switched my phone off. He isn't normally this shitty. I know he would have been home between 6-8.

OP posts:
LineyReborn · 20/12/2015 18:18

Did you tell him about the 'anniversary' today? Or is he expected to remember from the dinner thingy a year ago?

It sounds like he doesn't give a shit, but does he really know?

Original poster
Specialsnowflake1 · 20/12/2015 18:21

Yes he really does knows we were joking about this morning about what I said on our first date. I didn't have to tell him about it he knew.

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 20/12/2015 18:32

Why don't you join him at the pub? No one's making you stop in with the dog. YANBU to be upset but you would BU to stay in feeling sorry for yourself. It's not a big enough deal to ruin your night over. Go out and enjoy yourself, with or without him.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 20/12/2015 18:33

Did you ask him to or discuss the movie with meal idea?

It feels rotten to not feel like you are getting the consideration that you ought to in a relationship. Would he come home and do something with you now if you asked him specifically?

Bing0wings · 20/12/2015 18:36

Yanbu. I would see that as a bad sign. Is everything ok between you?

nonnomnom · 20/12/2015 18:38

Did you say - oh , I was hoping we'd do something nice for our anniversary. Stay there and I'll come out and join you for a meal' or something?

It's hard to tell from your description if he's a git deliberately ignoring you, or if you're expecting him to read your mind that you want to celebrate with him. Not everyone views relationship anniversaries in the same way as marriage anniversaries - and not everyone even cares about them...

nonnomnom · 20/12/2015 18:39

But doesn't mean they don't love each other.

Maybe you need to make your expectations clear?

EponasWildDaughter · 20/12/2015 18:40

he was standing in the take away to grab dinner to head back to the shitty pub

Hmm. See, i'd be pissed off if DH didn't bother to ask if i'd fancy a take away too. That would be out of character for him mind you.

What will happen now you've hung up on him? Will he ignore the fact and come home as usual, or come home earlier do you think?

You say he's not usually this shitty. Can you think of a reason for this then?

JeepersMcoy · 20/12/2015 18:47

I think that if you have asked your dp to be back for dinner time and they agreed to this then you are not unreasonable at all to be annoyed when he doesn't come home. The fact that it is a day that is special to you is just an added level of twattery.

I hate people who don't do as they say. It is rude and inconsiderate.

Donthate · 20/12/2015 18:49

he's an arse. Order a takeaway and put on a film

Bakeoffcake · 20/12/2015 18:50

It's very mean of him to eat without even asking if you wanted to join him.

I'd be pissed off too.

Is he drunk or does he usually act like this?

Original poster
Specialsnowflake1 · 20/12/2015 19:13

He's tipsy, I think he is heading home now with his tail between his legs. I really didn't want to go to the pub and drink with his mates. Its not my sort of pub.

I think I have an unhealthy relationship with important dates. My exp made a big deal out of them but that was out of guilt because he was cheating. I kind of see dates like these as big deals because of that.

OP posts:
diddl · 20/12/2015 19:18

I don't think it's unhealthy to want a takeaway to mark two years together.

That's all that you wanted & he couldn't even do that.

EponasWildDaughter · 20/12/2015 20:41

I asked him to be back at dinner time. As i thought we could at least have had dinner together to mark it(just a take away nothing special).

Last year we went out for dinner and drinks so he knows.

I think I have an unhealthy relationship with important dates.

Nothing in your first posts sounds 'unhealthy' or pushy about marking this date. Don't start making this about you being in the wrong. Let him have his tail between his legs and apologise to you. I hope he's bringing home a nice pizza or something for you.

Eatme · 20/12/2015 20:49

I'm on the fence because it's not a wedding anniversary, Christmas Day celebration or birthday.

diddl · 21/12/2015 08:05

It might not be important to everyone, but it was to OP.

She wasn't insisting on the whole day together as he was out drinking!

TheSkiingGardener · 21/12/2015 08:07

He is being unreasonable. You are in no way being unreasonable. I hope he hasn't made you feel that because if he has run for the fucking hills.