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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that DP has done this

38 replies

Specialsnowflake1 · 20/12/2015 17:43

Its our 2 year anniversary (not married but being together) he went of the the pub at lunch time with my blessing and I asked him to be back at dinner time. As i thought we could at least have had dinner together to mark it(just a take away nothing special). I phone him to find out his plans and he is eating dinner out so I am being left to eat on my own with the dog.

I know I am probably bu but its pissed me off for some reason.

OP posts:

Original poster

Specialsnowflake1 · 21/12/2015 08:50

Eatme It may not be important but we don't have a wedding anniversary and it is important to me to celebrate the day we met.

Anyway he came home with flowers, chocs and a take away for me. He didn't make me feel U it was myself that did.

OP posts:

whois · 21/12/2015 08:57

I'm on the fence because it's not a wedding anniversary, Christmas Day celebration or birthday.

So long term couples that aren't married don't have an important (to them) anniversary date?

op wasn't exactly demanding the moon on a stick, just that he be home for tea (as already agreed). The thing with alcohol is it impairs your decision making once your tipsy so he carried on making bad choices.

Orda1 · 21/12/2015 08:59

Of course you're not being unreasonable.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/12/2015 09:03

Yanbu at all, he knew this date was important to you, you told him. No why should op want to go down the pub with his mates, not my idea of fun.

DoreenLethal · 21/12/2015 09:04

I'm on the fence because it's not a wedding anniversary, Christmas Day celebration or birthday

The date we met is our anniversary. You are being ridiculous.

diddl · 21/12/2015 09:07

"Anyway he came home with flowers, chocs and a take away for me."

Yeah, doesn'treally make up for it though, does it?

Did he go back to the pub with his takeaway?

BiddyPop · 21/12/2015 09:19

We still celebrate the anniversary of our getting together - 20 years ago this year. Married 15 years. But we like to mark the day we met as well, it's important to us - not in a mad, all-out, 5 star dinner way - just a nice glass of bubbles over a decent dinner at home usually.

I don't see a reason not to mark it.

My DGPs still used to celebrate not only their wedding anniversary but the anniversary of their engagement up to the year before the first of them died. They always went to a particular restaurant for dinner for their engagement anniversary, and were there again on their 62nd engagement anniversary.

Different people like to celebrate special milestones in their lives differently.

pictish · 21/12/2015 09:29

Don't be fooled into thinking flowers, chocs and a takeaway are an apology for treating you badly. They're more like a fob off. From what you say, he knew it was the anniversary, he made plans with you to mark it, then chose to let you down in favour of the pub. He did what he did knowingly. he weighed it up in his head and chose the pub.

The flowers, chocs and takeaway are your runners up prize. And it sets a precedence - I will let you down if I feel like it and you will accept these as the pay off.

I've got to tell you, I'm not one for anniversaries and what not - I couldn't actually tell you what month I started seeing dh, never mind what date. I have a vague notion of the season and that's it. However, I don't see this as being about the anniversary so much as the rudeness of blowing you off just because he felt like it. The anniversary angle compounds it somewhat, but the sentiment would be the same no matter what the arrangement.

Don't let him think he can do this to you and buy you off with trinkets.

DinosaursRoar · 21/12/2015 09:33

you are not being silly about celebrating the date - DH have been married 8 years, but we still mark the day we met (15 years ago).

But actually, it's not about celebrating the date at all - you had a date with him - he was going out in the day, then coming home and you two had arranged to have a takeaway and spend the evening together. It's always ok to be upset if someone stands you up. You shouldn't have to call your DP to remind them you plans that evening after only just confirming them at lunchtime to avoid being stood up.

DinosaursRoar · 21/12/2015 09:35

Or ignore me and just read what pictish said! (worded it much better).

BitOutOfPractice · 21/12/2015 09:55

Oh god this "It's not important if it's not a wedding anniversary" really grips my shit

Preciousxbane · 21/12/2015 10:05

He knows it's important to you so it is extremely shitty of him.

I don't give a shiny shite about anniversaries and it's coming up to 20 years married. I am thinking we should mark 25 years but as we haven't bothered before I will have to say something. If I didn't then how would he know.

That's what I hate about your situation you have said, he knows but he is ok with upsetting you.

OnlyLovers · 21/12/2015 10:29

Well, I'm glad it worked out OK, but he was an arse.

I'm on the fence because it's not a wedding anniversary, Christmas Day celebration or birthday.

I'm not even going to bother getting into the 'married vs not married' argument, or which days of the year are or are not to be considered important.

The relevant point is that the OP asked him to be back for dinner. He not only failed to be back, he didn't even tell her he was doing something else; she had to contact him to find out.

I wouldn't do this to my DP on any given day when he was expecting me home; nor would he do it to me. It's just basic courtesy. On this occasion, he knew why she asked him to be home for dinner and why it was important to her, which just makes it worse.

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