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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In wondering why my DP never likes/comments on my stuff?

41 replies

SodOffThen · 19/12/2015 20:46

I apologise in advanced for the dreaded Facebook thread Wink but I'm actually quite curious...

We've sadly had a few losses but been trying for DC1. So, no children of our own to comment on.

Whenever I put something up about my nephew on FB, and even tag him on it, he never comments or likes it. I know he sees it because if I ask "have you seen such and such a picture?" He'll respond with something like "the one with DN riding a teacup? Yeah, cute"

However, if MIL/BIL puts anything up about our niece, he's the first to like/comment, tagged or not. It's really quite upsetting, in a first world problem sense...

I've confronted him about why he never comments/likes my things, and he just says he doesn't think of doing it. Yet, he's often liking things on FB, I can see them on my Newsfeed!

AIBU ridiculous? I know it sounds daft, but I feel like he just doesn't care for my things as much (of which aren't constant and annoying by the way, they're meaningful). If anything, this has got to be a case of bad social media form.. laughs

He sees my nephew more and has a closer bond, so it's not as if he's a distant child he sees every now and again.

What do you think?

OP posts:
nocabbageinmyeye · 19/12/2015 20:51

Me and dh are friends in fb but never comment on each others stuff so nope I don't think it's weird at all. I personally think couples commenting when they are in the same room/house/together is weird/sad, I think I go the other way for this reason to be honest. I certainly wouldn't be confronting him on it

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 19/12/2015 20:53

I think it's probably as nocabbage describes. It just feels more natural to interact with people's posts if you don't see them as much - it's a way of keeping in touch. Presumably he's with you a lot, even if he's not with you when those specific pictures are taken, so he doesn't need to use FB to interact with you.

Original poster
SodOffThen · 19/12/2015 20:53

noca I certainly don't tag him in things whilst we're together, and even if I happened to, it's a personal picture? Surely it means something

OP posts:
Original poster
SodOffThen · 19/12/2015 20:57

I should probably add that on the odd occasion he's tagged me in something, it's been a thank you for a gift etc when I'm in the same household and he's already given his thanks to my face Hmm

OP posts:
JapaneseSlipper · 19/12/2015 21:00

I wouldn't worry about it.

Ughnotagain · 19/12/2015 21:01

I think YABU.

Maybe he likes the photos of his niece because he doesn't see her as often?

Or maybe he doesn't feel the need to like the pictures of your nephew because he knows you'll probably know he's seen them.

Runningupthathill82 · 19/12/2015 21:02

I also find it odd when couples comment on each other's stuff. Unless, say, one of them is away on business, or on holiday without the other, and posts photos or an update about something fun they're doing.
Otherwise, presumably the couple are either in the same room or going to be seeing each other pretty soon - why not just say "oh, I liked that photo of X" in real life? Saying it on Facebook seems a bit, I don't know, desperate. And false. Why have a faux-conversation in public view when you can have a real one?

UnGoogleable · 19/12/2015 21:02

He doesn't feel the need to communicate with you via FB because he lives in the same house as you.

Don't read too much into it.

Original poster
SodOffThen · 19/12/2015 21:04

Here's the thing, I understand what all of you are saying and I agree completely..

But, in numerous occasions pictures of niece have been taken and uploaded whilst we're all over at MIL house, and he'll comment and like them there and then? Hmm When both parents of the child, and the child, are in the room...

It just seems as if he's not applying the same principles to both parties, that's all really

OP posts:
Runningupthathill82 · 19/12/2015 21:05

OP - I don't get your most recent post at all. Why would your DP thank you on Facebook for something when he's already thanked you in person?! I suspect you both use Facebook in a very different way to me, which is why I don't really understand, and also why I think you are BU.

Original poster
SodOffThen · 19/12/2015 21:11

running but he likes/comments on pictures of his niece whilst in the same house as them?

So it's like he's using a different set of rule for two different parties

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 19/12/2015 21:18

We never comment on each others stuff. Mostly because if he likes it he tells me and if had a comment he'll say it, you know like in person seeing as we're together every day.

GinIsTheBestChristmasSpirit · 19/12/2015 21:18

We don't like each other's stuff because we think it looks wanky.

One of us might thank another on Fb for a gift if it's super special. Mostly though we ignore each other on their

PrincessMouse · 19/12/2015 21:19

YABU.

I haven't been on FB for a long time now but I always used to find it a bit weird when couples particularly those that live together used to continually like/comment on each other's stuff.

I rarely liked any of DHs stuff. In fact I never took any interest in what he put on there (Man U, golf, boring comments and pictures of him and his mate etc. Grin ). I would rather watch paint dry. Wink

Op why is this so important to you? Would you somehow feel more validated in public if he commented on your stuff?

Original poster
SodOffThen · 19/12/2015 21:21

Yea I get that but if the same room thing is what he's applying, why commenting on MIL/BIL things about our niece whilst we're in the exact same room as them? Surely it should apply to them too?

OP posts:
PrincessMouse · 19/12/2015 21:23

Not really. He probably spends more time with you so doesn't feel the need. Do you live together?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 19/12/2015 21:27

Bloody Facebook...

Runningupthathill82 · 19/12/2015 21:28

Cross-posted.

I can't understand why anyone would comment on a family member's photo on the internet while being in the same room as them. Just say "nice photo" out loud, ffs!

I don't get it, and you both seem to take Facebook far too seriously. To me it's a way of keeping in touch with people I don't see all the time - an alternative to the phone or a card/letter/email, if you will.

But to you and your DP it seems to be an alternative to actually speaking to the people closest to you. Even when you're together in the same room?! I don't get it, so can't possibly begin to understand his logic in commenting on some stuff and not others.

Original poster
SodOffThen · 19/12/2015 21:28

Yes but he's still in the same room, and the whole point of not commenting on someone's post you're in the same room as is because you can say it to their face, isn't it?

Yes, we live together. But we regularly visits MIL/BIL etc

OP posts:
whois · 19/12/2015 21:31

I think it's strange when partners comment on each other's FB. Surely you can just speak about it later?

Original poster
SodOffThen · 19/12/2015 21:34

It just feels like my nephew isn't as high up in his eyes, as he often compliments his niece more etc.

What I'm saying is this; if you're not going to comment on my pictures because we're in the same room, why comment on MIL/BIL whilst in the same room, also

OP posts:
HeteronormativeHaybales · 19/12/2015 21:35

Isn't FB for showcasing the public face of yourself/your life to other people? Your life partner doesn't count as other people, surely?

(Disclaimer: I've never been able to get on with it and haven't logged in in months. This sort of thing is one of the reasons why - so many people seem to validate themselves/their lives by it. And it seems to be acceptable and normal to be absorbed in it when other people are around - see the posting/liking stuff while the parties are in the same room - rather than doing real-life interaction)

LaLyra · 19/12/2015 21:36

Is it because he always comments on his/your niece, but doesn't seem to feel the need to do so with your/your nephew? So treating the two sides of the family differently?

Kacie123 · 19/12/2015 21:38

Sorry for your losses - I'm in the same boat and it sucks.

I don't mean to intrude but this sort of thing doesn't actually sound like a big deal, which makes me wonder how things are between you generally - are you feeling a bit rejected?

Personally I am so, so glad my DH isn't on Facebook (which I only use to keep in touch with work people). I would cringe at the thought of him liking and commenting on stuff because it feels like trying too hard and I HATE seeing those couples on the newsfeed...

However, this is clearly getting at you, so if I were you, I'd just ask him. You're trying to have a baby together so you must have a fairly intimate life - it might be worth talking about it and understanding each other better?

PrincessMouse · 19/12/2015 21:38

SodOff. I don't get why you are upset. I really don't. Why are you bothered? This all sounds a bit high school. "I like yours, your like mine" IYSWIM? Surely it's not a competition regards who's posts, pictures or whatever he likes or comments on.

Not sure what else I can add here so I will respectfully bow out of this thread.