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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DH stick to his Christmas arrangements

32 replies

Newbrummie · 18/12/2015 20:17

So I posted a couple of months ago ex was coming back from Australia, hadn't seen or paid a penny towards his kids in a long long time.
He's arrived back, got a job and should have picked the kids up today for the Christmas break, only because of the new job he hasn't and i understand that.
However day in day out i take the kids to school and go to work. I think he should still have them for the agreed 2 weeks, the week between xmas and new year he's agreed to and then the week after and he can take them into school then go to work.
i have had the children 24/7 for two years without a break, i want to go away, i'm knackered.
I fear all hell will break loose if i suggested it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newbrummie · 18/12/2015 20:20

Ex DH that should say serious slip on the keyboard

OP posts:
Haggisfish · 18/12/2015 20:22

Would dc want to spend that length of time with a man they didn't know well? No way would I be parcelling my dc off to their father if they didn't know him well.

BarbarianMum · 18/12/2015 20:23

YANBU and you should tell him suggest it.

skankingpiglet · 18/12/2015 20:24

What do the kids want? If they haven't seen him in a few years, it's a lot to ask them to stay with him for two weeks.

Original poster
Newbrummie · 18/12/2015 20:26

They are 15,13,11 and 5 they know him, that's not the issue.

OP posts:
skankingpiglet · 18/12/2015 20:26

X post Haggis Smile

VoldysGoneMouldy · 18/12/2015 20:26

What do the kids want to do?

You may be knackered, but if they don't know him all too well / haven't spent time with him for that long, are they comfortable with the idea of spending that length of time with him, and away from you?

Yes it's crap when this certain type of father bails on arrangements, I have one of them involved as well. But try to focus on DC.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 18/12/2015 20:28

Five years old, hasn't seen him in 'a long long time'? I wouldn't be okay with that at all. Sometimes when they bail, it's better for the kids.

skankingpiglet · 18/12/2015 20:29

That would have made the youngest 3 when they last saw him - would he even remember him, let alone know him?

Original poster
Newbrummie · 18/12/2015 20:34

Well the 5 year old has trotted off happily with him the last few Saturdays. This isn't the first time they've laid eyes on him in two years - he arrived back 4 weeks ago - and they've spent each Saturday with him building up to this stay. Sorry that wasn't clear.

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 18/12/2015 20:34

Ditto!

How old are the children? How do they feel about being packed off for two weeks to their estranged father?

Marilynsbigsister · 18/12/2015 20:35

Sorry everyone but I withOP. Dont give him the choice. Men play this game every fucking day of the week!. The moment he picks them up, scarper. They know him well enough and are old enough to cope. Run run run and give him a taste of the realworld. Even if it's horrendous, two weeks in a life, they will recover.

Iggi999 · 18/12/2015 20:46

As long as dcs are ok with it, absolutely he should take them. What kind of person leaves four kids behind anyway, including a 3 year old? You must have had a hard time with him OP.

Original poster
Newbrummie · 18/12/2015 20:51

The DC's are ok I think, but tbh i think they will be a lot more OK if I get a break.

OP posts:
Haggisfish · 18/12/2015 20:54

You would seriously pack your five yo off with someone they hadn't seen for two years?! Fuck me.

Haggisfish · 18/12/2015 20:56

Actually if my mum packed me off for two weeks with a stranger at any of those ages I bloody well would remember it for a life time. Especially if they were a feckless twat.

Original poster
Newbrummie · 18/12/2015 20:57

He will have his three sisters with him. He's not going off to boarding school. Interesting take though because when i was considering saying no to this in August i was called a bitch for not letting spend time and to make up for lost time with their dad.

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 18/12/2015 20:59

Ignore them, Newbrummie. You will be damned if you do and if you don't.

I too would say make him stick to the agreed schedule. Run and get yourself the break you had looked forward to. The older DCs will cope and help the littley'un. Stay in touch and all will be well.

Iggi999 · 18/12/2015 21:00

OP - your last post sums up the problem, you're always going to be in the wrong! I hope you get your holiday, even if it's a week not a fortnight. Still scratching my head over how anyone could voluntarily leave four dcs.

Original poster
Newbrummie · 18/12/2015 21:02

He drove us to the airport Iggi999 - refused to come with us despite having no reason to remain, no job, no visa, money nothing and now he's back hes talking about going for custody - howling lol

OP posts:
RubbleBubble00 · 18/12/2015 21:02

In this particular situation I would give home the benefit of the doubt. What time does he have to be in work? Is that compatible with dropping kids off? Who's going to look after the kids while he is in work?

This is a fairly new situation for all of you. You need to talk out the logistics

VoldysGoneMouldy · 18/12/2015 21:04

"Even if it's horrendous, two weeks in a life, they will recover."

Did you really just say that? It can take minutes to traumatize someone for life.

The kids may well have seen him for a few hours for the last few weeks, but that's hardly the same thing. Do you think they will honestly be okay with being away from you for that long? And do you think exH will cope for two weeks when he hasn't done in in that long?

Seriously, I get needing a break. But this seems rather a case of you trying to prove a point to him rather than looking at what is best for DC.

Original poster
Newbrummie · 18/12/2015 21:05

Well that's not really my problem is it Rubble - how do you think i've managed the last few years ? It's only a week - 5 days - they will be at school for 6 hours.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newbrummie · 18/12/2015 21:06

It's all about the break Voldy, i'm on my knees tbh

OP posts:
VoldysGoneMouldy · 18/12/2015 21:12

I do understand that Flowers Like I say, I have one of those 'fathers'.

But especially if he is threatening to go for custody, no matter how laughable that seems, you need to think long term.