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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my baby isn't bothered by me

31 replies

Windingstreamswithoutends · 14/12/2015 09:52

I have a 5 month old baby and she really just doesn't seem that into me. I keep reading/hearing about how people's babies cry when they're not there or when they leave the room or they are clingy and will only sleep on them etc. My baby is pretty chilled, doesn't mind when I go out, goes to sleep on her own and just doesn't seem that fussed about being hugged and kissed. Babycentre told me that by now she will be reaching to be picked up and kissing me - I get none of this. Do you think she doesn't love me much or worse doesn't feel attached to me.....

OP posts:

P0llyP0cketR0cket · 14/12/2015 09:59

Will be interested in the replies as mine is exactly the same! Although I do like her being independent and not needy, it would be nice if I felt she cared about me a tiny bit more than the supermarket checkout person

BarbarianMum · 14/12/2015 10:01

Well, my children clearly didn't check into Babycentre to see what they should be doing. As I remember the clingyness stated around 8-10 months and they didn't do "kissing" until about a year. At 5 months the reason I was number 1 was definately boob related - if dh could have fed them they'd as happily go to him.

No. Could I (gently) ask if you sometimes feel a little detached from her?

peggyundercrackers · 14/12/2015 10:02

our DD and DS are both like that... I think its brilliant.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 14/12/2015 10:03

Mine was like that, by the time he was one he'd changed his mind and decided I was the best thing since sliced bread.

He still loves me now and he's 11. I'm making the most of it - I reckon in another couple of years he'll hate me!!!

Longtalljosie · 14/12/2015 10:04

Do you not think it's likely that they're just happy and secure? Have faith - she loves you. Millions of years of evolution have given her no choice in the matter

Paintedhandprints · 14/12/2015 10:06

Enjoy it while you can op. My ds was, what felt like to me, constantly attached to my boob at that age and fed to sleep.
I only really started getting actual cuddles at about 12/13mo.
Toddler cuddles are lovely.
Ds wouldn't let dh settle him to sleep until about 18mo.
Don't sweat it, not all are the same. Enjoy your freedom because as soon as they hit the clingy stage you will be wishing it away again.

enderwoman · 14/12/2015 10:07

Ignore Babycebtre type updates!!

My daughter was a chilled baby but is now an affectionate teen.
My son did not find hugs and kisses comforting until he became a teen.

What I'm trying to say is that babies come in all temperaments. Some are cuddly, others are confident and distracted by other things in the world while others find things other than cuddles and kisses comforting.

I've never heard of a baby not loving their mum.

Battleshiphips2 · 14/12/2015 10:14

My ds was a bit like this and I was upset by it but it meant I could quite happily leave him being babysat when I went out knowing he wasn't going to be screaming for me. My friends ds was always wanting her to cuddle him and seemed very loving to her and I use to feel like I was missing out. My ds is now 8 and he gets in bed with me every evening for a cuddle I get plenty of kisses and hugs and he often just looks at me and says "I love you mum". I am now pg with my 2nd ds and hoping he is just the same.

My poor sil spent years having to settle her child to sleep because he was very clingy to her. I think he was around 7 before she managed to get him to go asleep alone!

I decided just to enjoy it. When she's toddling around and falls over you'll be the first person she runs to. She sound like a happy and content baby.

CurlyCustard · 14/12/2015 10:20

My three year old has always been quite chilled out (apart from the now toddler/small dictator strops). From a young age she was happy with staying with my mum, sister etc and she still is, ignore what babycentre saying what your baby should be doing at this age. She seems very happy and content

CastaDiva · 14/12/2015 10:27

Delete Babycentre, whatever it is - those 'at x months, your baby should be doing y and z' things engender paranoia. And enjoy the fact that your baby sounds very secure and contented!

I probably would have said exactly the same when my son, who has always been confident and sociable, was five months, but now that he's three and a half, a recent period where he felt sad and insecure saw him absolutely cemented to me. Literally all he wanted to do was sit on my lap with one hand down the front of my top and the other holding my hair. It's now, thankfully, passed, but all I'm saying is that you never know exactly when or how your baby's need of you will manifest itself, and at what stage.

And you'll see far more obvious manifestations of her attachment as she heads towards one, and is able to say and do more.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 14/12/2015 10:30

They go through different stages. I remember DS being like that. Then there was a stage where it felt like he ignored me and adored his DF. Then there was the clingy stage when he started nursery, then school, etc, etc. Now, at age 7, it depends on the day of the week, whether I'm getting hugs and kisses at the school gate or shushed away for ruining his street cred

If you are feeling upset and rejected by it, can you have a chat with someone about it eg a midwife, HV or GP? You might be a bit run down and low.

steppedonlego · 14/12/2015 10:31

My daughter didnt really display any signs of affection until she was about 18 months. She's now 2.3 and can get enough of cuddles and kisses and demands them all the time. All kids are different :)

agapimou · 14/12/2015 10:38

My dd was the same at that age, now at 13 months she is starting to give cuddles and kisses but is extremely selective about when and to who she bestows them on.

When she was 3 months old my appendix burst and I had to spend 6 days in hospital and was in floods of tears about how my little baby would cope without her mummy.

She was fine, and didn't even seem too fussed when i came back.

Moopsboopsmum · 14/12/2015 10:40

My DS was not bothered by anything, very placid and chilled. When he was around 3 he changed. Now he is either full on with the cuddles or ignores me. We are super bonded. I'd say there is nothing wrong at all.

Boomingmarvellous · 14/12/2015 10:43

Baby Centre is a ridiculous site. To give parents deadlines for their babies to achieve thinks is dire. Ignore and use your instincts. and mumsnet

The experiences of other mothers shows how variable babies are.

Original poster

Windingstreamswithoutends · 14/12/2015 10:45

Thanks for the concern, I don't think I am depressed and I love my daughter more than anything in the world! I guess, as some other posters have said, I wish she didn't just seem a bit indifferent to me. She seems to prefer to be in her bouncer than being held by me and when I try to hold her and talk to her with eye contact she prefers looking everywhere but at me.

I am BF and when she was diddy spent many happy hours with her asleep on me so I don't think I've done anything to make her feel detached. However, even when she feeds she doesn't look at me! I also worry because we were separated after birth (natural) for a couple of hours that she missed the crucial bonding time - I keep reading about how that golden hour and skin to skin is so important but we didn't really get that.

OP posts:

LaurieMarlow · 14/12/2015 10:50

Mine was like that at that age. How things change. 9-18 months have been an onslaught of physical affection, crying when I leave the room, plentiful hugs and kisses.

Pipestheghost · 14/12/2015 10:51

Well I've had 4 dc's and none of them done tgat at 5 months! Believe me, after having 1 Velcro dc and 3 chilled dc's, consider yourself lucky that your baby is content can be left and sleeps etc, clingy babies are a nightmare. As for the kissing, I'm pretty sure none of my dc's done that at 5 months! again all dc's are different, 2 were very affectionate and 2 less so, don't worry

LaurieMarlow · 14/12/2015 10:53

Seriously, you have nothing to worry about. She just loves the sensation of bouncing in her chair and she sees your face a lot, so she gets a bit bored with it (mean that in the nicest possible way).

When she gets a bit older and she figures out you are a separate person with the potential to leave her, everything will change dramatically.

BlackeyedSusan · 14/12/2015 10:54

the needs mummy thing kicked in at 6 months here.

mine did not ask to be picked up or wave. one is nt and one has asd.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 14/12/2015 10:55

DS was always more chilled than DD and still is now they are 14 and 16. Just different personalities. Honestly they came out that way and I'm pretty sure it's not anything I've done regarding expectations or behaviour towards them.
I'm glad DS is laid back about everything and hope he'll find life easier that way.

Pipestheghost · 14/12/2015 10:55

As for being separated for a couple of hours, 2 of my dc's are twins and very prem and in nicu for 8 weeks, they were 4 days old before I even held them. They are the most affectionate of my dc's.

elf0508 · 14/12/2015 10:55

My 18 month old doesn't kiss me :I I don't listen to such articles anymore. Babies Dont do everything by the book

NCISaddict · 14/12/2015 11:00

My DD was like this, co-sleeping would have been her worst nightmare and the only time she fell asleep on me was when she was ill. As a toddler she would head for the hills as soon as she was out of the buggy and she never clung to me.

Fast forward 22 years and I get lots of hugs and we have a really close relationship, she's a happy confident and caring young woman.

From memory she started to get more affectionate after about 5 but was still never clingy. Make the most of it, it doesn't mean you've done anything wrong.

LongHairDontCare · 14/12/2015 11:01

I wish my 9 month old slept by herself! Enjoy it. The crying when I leave kicked in about 7-8 months here, and she now screams the house down if I dare to go to the toilet. It's a bit alot wearing. If she can't see me. she doesn't care. Will happily be with other people

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