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AIBU?

To think my baby isn't bothered by me

31 replies

Windingstreamswithoutends · 14/12/2015 09:52

I have a 5 month old baby and she really just doesn't seem that into me. I keep reading/hearing about how people's babies cry when they're not there or when they leave the room or they are clingy and will only sleep on them etc. My baby is pretty chilled, doesn't mind when I go out, goes to sleep on her own and just doesn't seem that fussed about being hugged and kissed. Babycentre told me that by now she will be reaching to be picked up and kissing me - I get none of this. Do you think she doesn't love me much or worse doesn't feel attached to me.....

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silverstreak · 14/12/2015 11:02

We totally didn't get skin to skin and hours of bonding post birth as DS was in neonatal for 4 days.... For his first 6+m he was a very mellow little boy, happy to chill by himself in his bouncer watching the world go by, barely really even crying for boob (I ebf) although obviously was happy to have it when offered! I would take looking all round as a sign of curiosity and interest - they are learning about their surroundings all the time! I think DS started to be really keen on me (as in, over OH for example around 8-9m, & now at 11m I can't put the bugger down!!

In other words, I'm sure your Lo is fine - just learning about her new world - & if I was you I would be making the most of her independence as it won't last!!

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Thurlow · 14/12/2015 11:11

I didn't have skin to skin with DD - in fact, I didn't see her for 12 hours, as she went to NICU straight away. I didn't breastfeed. We never co-slept.

As a baby DD was always the most 'independent' of the babies I would see - generally preferred to be on the floor or in a bouncer, self-settled at night, hated being carried in a sling, hated being held or cuddled too much.

Remember, all babies have their own personality and their own preferences, just like adults do. Some are just a bit happier on their own than others.

Count your blessings at this stage, when you can put her down and get on with life! She'll probably have clingier stages later in life at surprising times. DD had it at 3.5 when she changed nursery, which was rather unexpected.

Reading on MN about people who haven't slept alone or been able to leave their baby for 8 months because their baby prefers to be near someone, I definitely counted my blessings at the time!

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liquidrevolution · 14/12/2015 11:20

I had a supper chilled non clingy baby. The only time she really 'needed' me was when she was ill. She cuddled me but then she cuddled everyone (including supermarket staff and once a random old lady in the street) and I felt she didnt love me as much as I love her.

It changed at around 10 months. She was still super independant but the increased mobility meant she could come to me when she needed reassurance and she now does this several times a day. Shes 17 months now and was the only toddler at a big family party this weekend that roamed the room playing by herself and chatting to everyone including a drunk great uncle who she found hilarious. The other toddlers screamed and clung to their parents most of the day whereas my DD just came looking for me every now and then, wimpered to be picked up for a cuddle then instantly wanted to be put down so she could play .

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BillBrysonsBeard · 14/12/2015 12:10

Mine was like this, he was happy in anyones arms and it was great! You get to have breaks. I'm sure some enjoy having clingy babies but I bet it's hard work. He's a toddler now and can still be left with people, but is also very cuddly with me when I'm there. Cuddles and then goes off playing again!
Please don't listen to babycentre, none of the weeks matched up with my DS. And the way they word it isn't great... "This week your baby is doing so-and-so..."

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Windingstreamswithoutends · 14/12/2015 18:17

Thanks all you've been very encouraging!

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Senpai · 14/12/2015 18:23

Mine didn't start kisses and hugs until she was 18-19 months. She was also indifferent to who was watching her until about 18 months. Now she's very cuddly and love able. Don't take it personally, just keep loving her like you've been and she'll come around as her brain develops and she's able to understand how to reciprocate love and affection.