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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is insensitive and quite sick

50 replies

pinkcoww · 27/11/2015 19:38

Whilst visiting my mum today she brought up that one of her friends has just lost her baby due to early labour at 30 weeks. My mum said 'i hope your daughter is born early because I'm bored of waiting, I hope she comes soon'. I'm 29 weeks. She suggested seeing if I can be induced at 33 weeks. So she'd rather my daughter be potentially really ill or die just because she doesn't want to wait to 'meet her' Hmm

AIBU to think that comment is really insensitive? It made me feel sick and I didn't know what to say

OP posts:
BrianButterfield · 27/11/2015 19:39

She's a nutcase. Seriously. 33 weeks? Does she often say bizarre things like that, because no adult I know would?

AtSea1979 · 27/11/2015 19:41

She obviously doesn't relate the two. Thoughtless yes, sick no, just thoughtless.

AyeAmarok · 27/11/2015 19:41

Stupid thing to say. I assume she wasn't thinking.

ApocalypseNowt · 27/11/2015 19:41

How bizarre. Has she forgotten how long a pregnancy usually lasts?

FuckyNell · 27/11/2015 19:42

I can't believe this happened. Seriously?

Maybe she said 37 weeks and you misheard her?

LillyBugg · 27/11/2015 19:42

That isn't just thoughtless it's plain stupid. Never heard anything like it. Ignore her OP, it was a ridiculous thing to say. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

BrushtheHeat · 27/11/2015 19:43

I've seen plenty of posts of fb by pregnant women moaning and wishing their baby would come early (around 34 weeks ish) because they're uncomfortable. It akes me feel really queasy, yanbu. I've never had the guts to reply pointing out how distasteful it is and how dangerous that particular scenario could be for their baby. It's truly hideous.

Original poster
pinkcoww · 27/11/2015 19:46

I think she may be quite excited but it's just the timing of the comment that got me, since her friend has just lost a child due to being early and she probably wouldn't have said it if we weren't talking about that

OP posts:
purplepandas · 27/11/2015 19:57

Unbelievable. MY DTs were born at 29 weeks, DD1 died. I would never wish for a preterm birth. It was hardly a picnic with DD2 who did survive. NICU, high dependency, special care for weeks etc. FFS, a very insensitive and stupid comment from your Mum.

WanderingTrolley1 · 27/11/2015 19:58

Idiotic comment to make.

Is she usually so thoughtless?

Unreasonablebetty · 27/11/2015 20:05

Some people actually do think these things sadly. My mum had to be induced when she was pregnant with me, I was 3 pounds 2oz and i didn't come out of hospital for six weeks. I was an ill baby.
The following three children she had, she refused to leave the hospital until she had been induced. The others were early but not as early.
Roll around to my pregnancy and my mum accompanied me to a midwives appointment and demanded I be induced so she could meet her grand daughter.
I was quite upset and couldn't really understand (I was 16 at the time) the midwife ended up telling my mum she needed to wait outside and we had a chat about the risks of babies being born premature and that they don't induce unless there's a medical reason for it. By the time I left, I was under no illusion that she thought my mum anything more than a bumbling idiot.
She was very excited to meet DD though.... She finally made an appearance five days past her due date.
You've still got ages yet, enjoy it hun

Original poster
pinkcoww · 27/11/2015 20:11

Shes does fairly strange things like sit and watch the neighbour's children through the window and I have to tell her to stop and keep hold of any baby stuff relatives buy me and refuse to give it me. But this is by far the most thoughtless thing she's ever said. I suppose excitement takes over but I don't want my LO to be early and I'm excited, I want her to be healthy and plus I need more time to get things ready for her Wink

OP posts:
CocktailQueen · 27/11/2015 20:12

Your mum sounds bonkers.

Teenagecrisisagain · 27/11/2015 20:15

Ds2 was born by elective caesarean at 36 weeks. Worst decision ever he was seriously ill and in nicu for a week
I wish I'd waited till 37/38 weeks but was advised to go for 36 and trusted the Dr when he said it'd be fine

Viviennemary · 27/11/2015 20:17

I agree. Your Mum sounds totally batty.

strawberryandaflake · 27/11/2015 20:22

YABU. She's just worried. Ignore it.

BollocksToThat1 · 27/11/2015 20:28

Erm sounds worrying behaviour op.

outputgap · 27/11/2015 20:32

Wow, teenage, that is gobsmacking. What on earth was the Dr's rationale?

ENormaSnob · 27/11/2015 20:35

Your mum is a nob

StylishDuck · 27/11/2015 20:43

My SIL said something similar when she was pregnant. I suspect it was because I was also pregnant and due 3 weeks after her so she wanted the biggest gap as possible so I didn't "steal her limelight" Hmm
She was also convinced the hospital was completely wrong about her due date and she was actually 6 weeks further on than they said she was. If that was the case she actually went 8 weeks overdue...

My DD was born a week later than my DNephew. Needless to say it's been a (one-sided) competition from birth as to who's baby is "more advanced". Extremely tiresome and has kind of taken the shine off becoming an auntie for me.

ohtheholidays · 27/11/2015 20:54

OP a couple of the things you've said are worrying,has your Mum always been like that?

I'd have been really pissed of if anyone had said that to me let alone my own Mother,I hope to God she never tells the poor lady that lost her baby what she said to you.

OccamsLadyshaveToo · 27/11/2015 20:54

I have a friend whose DS was born 9 weeks prem and had some fairly serious complications that have led to long term health problems.

Our mutual friend said "You're so lucky he came early. I wish my DS had - then I wouldn't have stretch marks"

Some people are just fucking stupid / thoughtless / self-absorbed. I think all you can do is roll your eyes and ignore.

tobysmum77 · 27/11/2015 21:01

You're so lucky he came early. I wish my DS had - then I wouldn't have stretch marks Shock Just when you think you've heard it all mn informs you otherwise.

ShebaShimmyShake · 27/11/2015 21:06

The actual fuck.

Battleshiphips2 · 27/11/2015 21:07

I'm 25 weeks and had to have steroids last week as my baby could come any time now. My family are hoping he stays in there as close to 38 weeks as we can get! Does she have any MH problems. Some people just say things without even thinking.