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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To need to hear some positive relationship stories......

65 replies

TooSassy · 15/11/2015 08:32

That's it really. I'm going through a divorce and as such am spending a lot of time on the fabulous Relationships talk thread getting support. The flip side of spending time on there is I am Shock over how awful some STBX's are!!!!! I thought I was alone, but it appears not.

So AIBU to want to hear about the gazillions of other healthy and happy relationships to get a balanced view of the world?

If YANBU, please share and provide a view of life with normal people! Grin Give those of us going through some tough times a glimmer of hope!!!

OP posts:
ToddlerTantrums · 15/11/2015 08:33

I can't help but am in the same boat. Some examples of loving healthy relationships would be lovely to read!

DoreenLethal · 15/11/2015 08:35

I have a happy relationship - no arguing, shared household chores, mutual love and respect and a nice man. 11 years and counting.

I have had several relationships with nice men over the years - and they are still my friends and we still get on and have mutual respect with no issues at all.

They are out there.

ChiefInspectorBarnaby · 15/11/2015 08:35

Well I'm not in a relationship any more but I am very happily single. I can do what I want; I have more money; I don't feel like I need to explain myself or consult someone before I do anything; I don't have to clean up someone else's crap and most importantly - my confidence is improving rapidly. I won't be with anyone now until I'm the best version of myself and if they're not the best version of themself then I won't settle.

PedantPending · 15/11/2015 08:41

Well you could try my parents. Married 58 years and counting down to their 60th in 2017. They have already started planning the party!
Very balanced partnership. All decisions taken jointly, although there can be heated discussions beforehand...
They respect one another and support one another and also laugh with and at one another.

ChampagneTastes · 15/11/2015 08:44

My DH is awesome. Does at least 50% of everything, shares my sense of humour and is a lovely parent. Plus he tolerates my occasional bonkerness. That's quite important. Grin

GnomeDePlume · 15/11/2015 08:44

Married 24 years. We have problems to deal with as do any couple but these problems arent us, they are things happening to us. They are external.

We love each other, like each other, respect each other.

ShortcutButton · 15/11/2015 08:50

I have excellent relationships with myself, my children and my friends, who I love loads Grin

I'm afraid I think that monogamous heterosexual life long relationships are not what we are supposed to be doing

Redberrypie · 15/11/2015 08:51

I got divorced young and thought I would never trust anyone again, it was a horrific time.

I have now been with Mr Red nearly 10 years and although there have been some hard times, we are really happy and just 'get' each other. This is what love is, not what I had before.

I am now grateful to exh that he did all that he did, as it gave me enough of a get out to end things once and for all. I may have kept flogging a dead horse for many more years otherwise.

Good luck opFlowers

turningvioletviolet · 15/11/2015 08:54

We've been married 21 years. Three dcs. We're your definition of normal, healthy relationship i would imagine. We've had ups and downs along the way - I wouldn't believe anyone who says that it's all been a bed of roses. But he's a good, honest hardworking man who adores me and the dcs (and he was never a man who particularly wanted children - in many ways he's a much better parent than me). We discuss everything and all the big decisions are mutual. I suppose the bottom line is that I still like him and he still likes me and we muddle along together pretty well.

CluckingBelle · 15/11/2015 08:55

I'm another happily single. I love love love my life right now. I parent my children, I'm studying an access course, make my own decisions, don't have to comprimise myself my feelings or my choices, my money is my own. Life is good.

BigFriendlyGirl · 15/11/2015 08:57

My dh is a good man. Always treats me with respect, always supports anything I want to do. My parents are happy and do almost everything together. Discuss things properly, never speak rudely to each other, and speak affectionately about each other. My in laws are the same. My aunts and uncles all seem happy too, always together at things, working together when hosting, speak nicely to each other, not a single hint of marital trouble or separation from any of them. To be honest in my extended family on both sides, there is not a single break up or sign of a relationship gone bad. So it is possible to have a hood relationship but you have to choose very carefully and be respectful and supportive yourself.

Smoothyloopy · 15/11/2015 08:59

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time. I don't think people tend to post when things are all good. Been with my partner 21 years happily unmarried. House joint names, equal sharing of money & chores. Two beautiful dc's we both enjoying spending time with. Still fancy the pants off each other.

SunnyL · 15/11/2015 09:02

I'm in a lovely marriage - been together almost 10 years now. Its been surprisingly easy - surprising because I'm not an easy person.

My parents are not great role models for me. They hate each other and my sister and I wish they'd divorced years ago. I didn't think it was still possible to have a long and happy marriage until I met DHs parents. They're so sweet. They still hold hands to walk to the pub together. They sit together and do the crossword ajd suduko in the paper daily. I can't imagine them ever having a cross word with one another.

They are my role models now.

lovelycuppateas · 15/11/2015 09:03

My marriage broke down about 4 years ago as my exh was having an affair, his second in our 16 years of being together (with 2 dc). I couldn't see it at the time, but he was truly awful, manipulative, lied, was unreliable, did nothing around the house, despite the fact that I was the main breadwinner, yet somehow made it seem like all this was my fault. It took a while and lots of conversations with friends plus counselling for me to work out that he was the inveterate loser, not me.

For the last 3 years or so I've been in a relationship with a lovely lovely man. He's kind and thoughtful, shares all the chores, always does what he says he's going to do, is considerate and loves me, patient with my dc and fun to be with. Everything is discussed, and if we have disagreements we talk them through rather than yell at one another. Decent men do exist. But, as other posters have said, better to be single than to be in a life-sapping relationship. Good luck!

Original poster
TooSassy · 15/11/2015 09:04

Am reading and rereading every single one of these. Including the posts from those single and loving it!

Thank you everyone, I will be sharing the link to this in relationships so those of us going through the mill can read this and take heart!

OP posts:
Xenadog · 15/11/2015 09:08

My DP is a good man. We laugh every day and although we bicker (and then end up laughing about it) we rarely argue. If we do argue it's about an issue and tends not to get personal. I feel like I can be me when I'm with him and we share a lot.

We respect each other and tell each other we love each other everyday. Neither of us are perfect though and like I said we can bicker but that's part of the charm I guess, I'd be bored with someone who didn't 'get' this side of me.

I think I really appreciate him because I've had relationships with some real wankers in the past. Maybe you need a bad 'un to make you appreciate a good 'un?

ShortcutButton · 15/11/2015 09:08

I'm not sure Relationship s is the place for this thread. I definitely wouldn't have wanted to read about everyones happy ever after when I was trying to exit my abusive marriage Confused

Original poster
TooSassy · 15/11/2015 09:09

Fair point short cut. In that case I won't.

I'm just the type of person that when I am going through the mill, I like to focus on something positive. But I appreciate that others may not share my PoV.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 15/11/2015 09:37

We've been together over 30 years, married for 28, it's not always been easy, I have had health problems for at least 25 years and now permanent disability but he's always stuck by me, nursed and looked after me, he works hard and also does all the shopping, cooking and housework when I can't - he's not a bad old stick Smile

My parents have been together for nearly 60 years, married for 54

Good, long marriages can happen, don't give up hope - but also, don't waste time on the dickheads (of whom there are many!)

FattyFishwife · 15/11/2015 12:08

ive been with my oh since i was 14 (im now 44) and he was 16
We got engaged when i was 16, married when i was 22 and will be celebrating our 24th wedding anniversary in may.

We have 5 wonderful kids from 22 down to 5 years old (and 3 angel babies) and are trying our best for another one to complete the family.

laffymeal · 15/11/2015 12:11

Married 30 years. He still makes me laugh more than any other person and we still fancy each other.

LemonySmithit · 15/11/2015 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOriginalWinkly · 15/11/2015 12:15

This morning DH got up with DD and let me have an extra 2 hours sleep. Then he made me tea and a bacon sandwich when I got up. Sometimes he can be a PITA - can't we all! - but he cares about me and wants me to be happy.

RainbowRoses · 15/11/2015 12:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TooSassy · 15/11/2015 12:22

Loving every single one of your life stories!

Thank you for taking the time to share them and cheer up my Sunday!

OP posts: