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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu? Wedding at 36 weeks?

46 replies

Katefos · 19/10/2015 21:14

First post - maybe I'm just overreacting.

Family wedding on DH's side (cousin, she's nice, see her once a year at family Xmas do). She's getting married 5 hours' drive away, wedding is on Saturday.

Driving up with MIL and FIL as they live 20 mins away from us so makes sense to go together. DH said he'd drive as we'll be taking the car seat just in case. FIL wants to drive. MIL wasn't spiteful as such but keeps making sarcastic comments about me being "perfect first baby". About to lose my rag. I could do without this wedding as it is but I haven't complained.

OP posts:

Original poster

Katefos · 19/10/2015 21:14

Meant to say "precious" not perfect!

OP posts:

scarlets · 19/10/2015 21:17

Yanbu- under the circumstances you two should of course drive yourselves. PiLs are welcome to accept or decline a lift. Their call!

Notimefortossers · 19/10/2015 21:19

They are BVU. You're not saying you won't go (which you'd be entitled to say!). I don't get why they'd have such a massive problem with you wanting to take your own car?

CrapBag · 19/10/2015 21:19

Tell them you need your car in case you go into labour and they will need to take theirs in case they need to make their own way back.

Original poster

Katefos · 19/10/2015 21:21

Thanks everyone. That's what we said (DH quite firm tbf) apparently FIL wants to drive because theyve just bought it and want to show relatives. I am the first to poke fun at myself but this is grating.

OP posts:

BackforGood · 19/10/2015 21:24

You lost me at 'taking the car seat just in case' ??
Do you mean you are 36 weeks pregnant?
Do you mean taking a car seat 'just in case the baby arrives early' ?

From a neutral pov, not knowing any of you, yes, it makes sense to go in one car, but that is so going to depend on how you get on normally.

Can you not just take some earphones and sleep for most of the journey?

Are you sure you are going to be comfortable driving for 5 hours at 36 weeks ?

RNBrie · 19/10/2015 21:24

Fuck that! Take your own car. And be as precious first born about it as you can!!!

mummy92 · 19/10/2015 21:28

Yanbu I had first baby at 37weeks and the day before we drove 5 hours back from Wales I've always thought the driving and walking I did on the holiday brought on labour

FusionChefGeoff · 19/10/2015 21:28

I went to a wedding 3 hrs away at 36 weeks and took car seat and hospital bag with me - just common sense! That was DC2 too so not PFB at all.

Ignore them!

katienana · 19/10/2015 21:29

Make sure you get the front seat op.

alicemalice · 19/10/2015 21:29

Well my baby did arrive early. You don't know what's going to happen.

Glitterspy · 19/10/2015 21:30

Either way it's a bastard long drive at 36 weeks. You'll be covered in pins and needles and will feel every bump in the road - 5 hours of agony. If you're about to lose your rag now, think how you'll feel after 5 hours of that and think you'll make the right decision to take your own car!

Cornettoninja · 19/10/2015 21:30

I'm sitting here at 35 weeks in awe you're even considering sitting in a sodding car for five hours straight. Bollocks to that. We do a 2.5 hour journey fairly regularly and it's uncomfortable as fuck but at least it's just me and dp so I can whinge and stop whenever I like.

It's irrelevant whether they think taking a car seat is daft or not, it's hardly a massive burden and is better to have just in case rather than not at all.

Go full on pfb, refuse to go, call them all bullies and spend the weekend in your dressing gown eating ice cream.

Fuckers.

standinginthedoorway · 19/10/2015 21:41

I fucking hate precious first born comments! People do bandy it about and it's infuriating. Are subsequent children not precious then? Arseholes.

I'm guessing you can't all fit in with the car seat. Could you leave the car seat at your in-laws and collect it on the way home? You shouldn't have to though.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 19/10/2015 21:46

That's a long drive at 36 weeks.

I would go separately and stuff it if they're not happy about it. You might want to stop more than usual and appreciate the freedom of your own car once you get there.

Babies do come early (mine were all before the due date and one only a couple of days after 36 weeks) so you are not being precious about this.

DinosaursRoar · 19/10/2015 21:46

FIL wants to take his car, you want to take yours, just go separately. Get DH to call them and say "We've been thinking about it, and it probably would be better to travel separately, Katefos will need a front seat because she's so heavily pregnant, and our backseat isn't very comfy for you both. Plus we might want to leave early. Best to see you there."

Honestly, explain to DH that if you travel together, you'll say something to PIL that they will be very upset about and possibly will spoil the first few weeks of your DC1's life. Best he doesn't put his wife and parents in tht position by sorting it.

You travel separately, or you don't go.

TheUnwillingNarcheska · 19/10/2015 21:48

I did 5 hours at 34 weeks pregnant for very good friends of ours. If it had been anyone else I wouldn't have gone.

It was uncomfortable and quite honestly I would get your Dh to drive because when you need a break you don't want your PIL being arsey about it.

And yes of course you should take a car seat just in case. Otherwise how would you leave a hospital which could potentially be 4 hours away from your home.

I was consultant led (2nd baby) and we had a list of every hospital with a consultant led unit in it from our house to the wedding.

I always remember being told I was worrying over nothing about my waters breaking because most waters break when you have been labouring a while. Mine broke with no warning whatsoever.

NerrSnerr · 19/10/2015 21:49

I would go separately, if you do have your baby 5 hours away how will your inlaws get home? Your husband may end up doing an extra 10 hours driving.

Chocolateteabag · 19/10/2015 21:50

You need to go separately - tell your PIL's you'll be taking essential bladder stops every hour. Surely they won't be wanting to accommodate that?
And yes - what is their plan if you did go into labour while there?

Italiangreyhound · 19/10/2015 21:51

In your boots I would:

take own car
take car seat
take overnight bag/hospital bag/bucket with a pillow in it/CD of music AN medical notes.

No room in your car so they need to bring their car to show off and you can leave when you like and stop when you like en route.

Don't give them an option - so you are driving yourselves and we are driving ourselves. Great. See you there. Then do it.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 19/10/2015 21:53

YANBU. By 36 weeks I had a four day old baby! Felt like a bloody idiot for having no hospital bag, no birth plan, car seat in the attic...! You are just being sensible. Is it unlikely that you will go into labour at 36 weeks at a wedding? Well, yes. But it was also unlikely that my waters would break at 36 weeks in the car on my way to my first NCT class!

coconutpie · 19/10/2015 21:54

You're bonkers to commit to a totally unnecessary 5 hour car journey at 36 weeks pregnant. You'll also have to stop all the time for toilet breaks and it'll just be really uncomfortable. I would not go, it's not worth the hassle!

Lunastarfish · 19/10/2015 21:56

Defo take your own car, as pp said what will PIL do if you give birth?? Also I was weeing every 20 minutes at that stage plus would need a rest stop to stretch - an hours drive was tough for me.

I can't understand why your PIL would think you wouldn't take tour own car(!)

middlings · 19/10/2015 22:00

Yanbu! We went for a long weekend 4 hours from home at 37 weeks and we took the car seat! We'd have taken it a week earlier too!

You and DH stand your ground.

And good luck! Exciting times.

By the way, if I'd a £ for every time DM had accused me of being pfb with dd1 I'd be a rich woman. I ignored her.

Junosmum · 19/10/2015 22:03

If you are going to go then go separately. Yes it makes sense to go in one car, but do what you feel comfortable with. Are you PIL going to get annoyed at stopping at every service station so you can pee? What happens if you do go in to labour or need to go to a hospital? How will PIL get home? I'm not sure I'd even be going!

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