Aibu? Wedding at 36 weeks?

[Katefos]

First post - maybe I'm just overreacting.

Family wedding on DH's side (cousin, she's nice, see her once a year at family Xmas do). She's getting married 5 hours' drive away, wedding is on Saturday.

Driving up with MIL and FIL as they live 20 mins away from us so makes sense to go together. DH said he'd drive as we'll be taking the car seat just in case. FIL wants to drive. MIL wasn't spiteful as such but keeps making sarcastic comments about me being "perfect first baby". About to lose my rag. I could do without this wedding as it is but I haven't complained.

I'm 33 weeks and already find car journeys a pain - the car seat is uncomfortable, I need a wee all the time, and going over speed bumps is painful. I'd want to know that I could stop as often as I want for as long as I want and I definitely wouldn't agree to a long journey with annoying pils in the back seat. That's aside from the practicalities of what they would do if I went into labour at the wedding.

YANBU.

I was admitted in an emergency due to undiagnosed pre-eclampsia and delivered at 38 weeks. That said, I would never have lived long enough to drive 5 hours home first. If you go in to labour/had an emergency situation, the furthest they have to go is to the local hospital.

I gave birth once at 35 weeks and twice at 37 weeks, there is no way I would have been doing a 5 hour car journey at 36 weeks with or without the car seat.

YANBU.

DS1 was born at 34 weeks so he was 2 weeks old by the time I was 36 weeks.

It's unlikely that you'll need the car seat, but I'd be taking one "just in case" if I was planning on travelling that far from home at 36 weeks. Plus hospital bags.

It's more reasonable to be precious about a new baby than a new car.

When I was 36 weeks pregnant with DS, I had to attend the wedding of an old school friend (and my DD's godmother) a good 5 or 6 hours drive away from home. DD was one of the bridesmaids, I was MoH, and I'd had a high-risk pregnancy for the first trimester. We spent the day after the wedding traipsing around local "sights", and whilst it was lovely to spend some time with DD prior to the birth, to remind her of how very loved she was (is), all I really remember from that weekend was being in excrutiating pain and bored from watching every other person present (DD was the only child invited) get drunk at the reception and wondering why on earth I'd let myself be talked into attending as a guest, never mind agreeing to be MoH... and how quickly I could convince (now ex-)DP to take us home again because I had cupboards to clean, and my own very comfy bed to sleep in, and washing to stare at as it dried... DS was born 17 days later, and whilst he still likes looking at the wedding photographs, knowing that he was the reason I stalked down the aisle looking like Morticia Adams (by that stage, the only "formal" clothes which fitted me, were my black maternity trousers and my neighbour's floaty top, not the beautiful dress I'd had to buy... and still it was "great" that I was pregnant and I "absolutely (had) to attend still", I'm still more than a little bitter about it. The only saving grace from that day is that my DD looked adorable and thoroughly enjoyed herself.

The 'happy couple', incidentally, were divorced within 3 years (it later transpired that they only got married because they fancied a big party

OP, my advice is... don't do it!!! You'll be uncomfortable at best, in agony at worst. You'll be bored, and tired, and there will be random people you barely know who'll genuinely seem to mean well, but will irritate you to tears. If you do go into labour, the bride may never forgive you for taking attention away from her, and you'll be 5 hours away from home and all its necessary comforts when you need them most. Plus, if your MIL is being somewhat precious herself now about what you need at a time in your life when you are at your most vulnerable, there's every chance she'll get a lot worse when your baby does decide to be born!

Good luck. I sense you're going to need a lot of it.

Next time she makes a comment about precious first baby, ask her how she managed a 5hr journey when pregnant when her first baby.
If she says she didn't go that far, you've won your argument.
If she says she did and it was fine, be assured she has wiped it from memory.

I'd say don't go. 36 weeks is a bit close for comfort in my opinion. I've just been to visit my parents 2.5 hours away (currently 34 weeks) and that was hard enough! We've said we are not visiting again until after baby is born as I don't want to risk being too far from the hospital. Speak to the bride and explain it's a bit too close to your due date, she will understand. Let your PIL go by themselves and you and DP have a nice relaxing weekend at home!

I felt completely comfortable in the car at 36 weeks but would have needed the loo ALL THE TIME and would have enjoyed all the good car chats with my dh. I would not share the car with pil unless I was really close to them (and they didn't belittle me for being understandably precious about my first birth / baby).

Stay at home, put your feet up and relax.
Your cousin will understand - and if she doesn't, so what? She's not a huge part of your life.
Just say your back is too bad to manage the journey.

I think you would be silly to put yourself through that. As for taking the car seat, sounds ridiculous. It's your first baby and you're entitled to feel precious about it. That journey sounds horrible uncomfortable at 36 weeks, I'm sure people will understand if you can't make it??

Well I did a 6 hour journey to gp to a wedding at 37 weeks and I was totally fine. Not everyone is affected in the same way, just because some of you wouldn't have been fine / weren't fine doesn't mean the op won't be. I took my hospital bag and maternity notes (don't think I remembered the car seat actually!) and researched local hospitals and ones on the journey just in case. And I had a lovely time at the wedding.

That said, op Yanbu to do it your way, which works for you, in your own car with your car seat. Or even tell the lot of them to fuck off and stay at home if that is what works for you and your baby.

I went away for the weekend at 35 weeks, about 3 hours drive, and I was in absolute tears by the time we got there, and spent the whole weekend dreading coming back.

I know everyone is different, but assuming you're driving back the next day, the car share is the least of your worries!

5 hours in a car with my PILs and I'd be serving time now for manslaughter.... and that's without being pregnant.

Brave OP!

You just have to do what is right for your family.

Personally, I didn't have a problem with going away at 36 weeks pregnant, being in a car and being 5 hours from home. I just took my maternity notes with me. I also like my PIL and they're not spiteful and would have been grateful they'd offered to drive as it saves us the cost of petrol and the effort.

Still, doesn't make a bit of difference that it would have suited me fine. If it isn't right for you, then that's simple. Make a decision, tell them what that decision is and if MIL makes rude comments, give her a hard stare and then ignore her.

In fairness, while she doesn't sound enthusiastic about the prospect, the OP isn't saying she isn't going to go, just that she wants to go with the car seat which presumably means the car won't then fit four adults comfortably with luggage for a weekend away. That's not PFB, that's common sense at that stage really.

We went to Dorset for our break at 37 weeks. I knew how to get to maternity units in Taunton and Yeovil "just in case." What I didn't want was poor DH having to traipse around local Mothercares trying to find a car seat when we'd a perfectly good one at home . DD1 didn't put in an appearance until 41 weeks in any event so it was all a bit moot....

Tell them they can take their car anyway in case you go into labour and they can still drive home and you of course take your car with all your stuff in.

Doesn't it just depend on what you want to do? I think you are overthinking it a bit. I went to a wedding 2 hours drive from my house at 39 weeks pregnant with my first (and my baby shower was the next day), and went to a major family party in northern France at 36 weeks pregnant. In both cases I made sure I knew where all the maternity hospitals were en route and took my notes and a slimmed down version of my labour bag in the car, but I didn't take the baby seat - figured that would be the least of my problems if the baby arrived early!

Your husband could always go and get it (or any other relative)? Or they are purchasable in any supermarket, lots of friends would have one if you needed to borrow one if the baby had arrived early, and the chances are anyway on some a long trip that you might go home by train with the baby anyway so you could him the whole way.

Good luck whatever you decide.

oh and to win the 'which car' argument, can DH point out if your waters go in the car, it's a couple of pints of liquid, that most modern car seats end up having to be replaced if waters go in the car, and obviously, you both would feel uncomfortable about travelling in FIL's or any other new/posh car this close to the due date...

Personally I wouldn't travel that far at 36 weeks. I had first child at 36.5 weeks. It's not worth the risk!

Book a train ticket and get the PIL to take your luggage and the car seat and collect you from the station at the other end. You'll be more comfortable and will have access to a toilet etc.