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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I shouldn't bother even thinking about fostering.....

36 replies

Janeymoo50 · 17/10/2015 20:19

My girlfriend, soon to be spouse, I'm in a same sex relationship, and I have discussed fostering. She has a 31 year old daughter, I am childless (hate that word, but couldn't think of another). We both work full time (I would stop). Own own home (well, smallish mortgage so we could manage with one wage) live pretty comfortably (on current salaries). Have a double bedroom empty. But we are both in our early 50's. I just think we could help in some way...I'm a trained Nanny and my girlfriend works full time with young adults with learning difficulties with a particular focus on autism (she amazes me with some of the things she tells me she does). Have no idea where to start. I'm overweight....13 stone and 5ft 5 inches. I just keep thinking should we even try only to be rejected?

OP posts:
Wotsitsareafterme · 17/10/2015 20:22

Please please try - I think you could be amazing. Look at local authority and private agencies. I work with some incredible carers who are all sorts of varied people - there isn't a mould Smile

Cassimin · 17/10/2015 20:24

It's worth a try. Can't see anything obvious that would rule you out. I was 45 when we applied. We had a 4 year old placed with us and they have been here for 4 years.

fakenamefornow · 17/10/2015 20:30

Why do you think you'll be rejected?

cosytoaster · 17/10/2015 20:40

I don't think you've said anything in your post that would get you rejected at all, you sound like you'd make great foster parents

Original poster
Janeymoo50 · 17/10/2015 20:43

Too old is one of the reasons fake name. Plus, maybe not enough "relevant" experience with young ones (I was a nanny 25 years ago). Not that we'd say no to teenagers or some kind of respite care for older kids. We'd understand them not giving us a young baby.

OP posts:
KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 17/10/2015 20:44

They won't reject you for being 13 stone.

You guys sound PERFECT!

monkeysox · 17/10/2015 20:44

You sound lovely. Can't hurt to try. Good luck x

Purplepoodle · 17/10/2015 20:46

my next door neighbour when I was growing up was an amazing women who fostered. She was windowed, then divorced - so essentially single through most of her fostering career. She was quite over weight and had some health conditions BUT she had a heart of gold, made each foster child her own and gave them a great start. when she was in her 60s she started fostering teens mainly as they could get themselves up and ready on a morning (her health conditions made her a little slow in the mornings). She changed many young lives and set them on a better path. It was amazing to see them come back years after year and keep in touch

AliceInUnderpants · 17/10/2015 20:47

I regularly see a woman in our town out with her (young) foster children. She is in her 70s. I think she's bloody amazing.

cosytoaster · 17/10/2015 20:48

Janey I think that many fosterers are older than you, I'm sure your maturity and life experience would be an asset

Lightbulbon · 17/10/2015 20:48

I think you ate confusing the criteria for fostering with adoption.

Local authorities are desperate for foster carers and so the thresholds for suitability are much lower than for adopters, for whom there is an excess supply of people who want to adopt healthy babies.

You should def apply.

LimitedSedition · 17/10/2015 20:48

You are sooooo not too old to be a foster carer.

Give it a go.

Madratlady · 17/10/2015 20:52

Don't give up before you've even tried, you sound lovely.

BigBlueBookcase · 17/10/2015 20:52

Yes try! :) Go along to an information evening and have a chat with the Social Workers there. 50 is in no way too old. I think it sounds like you've got loads to offer.

knackered69 · 17/10/2015 20:57

Jeepers - you both sound great!! Honestly - go for it- they will bite your hand off! X

Original poster
Janeymoo50 · 17/10/2015 21:00

You are so right about the confusing adoption with fostering......now I think of it. Thanks ladies.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 17/10/2015 21:01

Go for it.

pinktransit · 17/10/2015 21:05

Go for it!
I don't foster, as I work full time and can't not work, but I am a Supported Lodgings provider. It's similar though - I'm 46, and when I was going through the approval process I was 5'3" and over 11 stone, so similar proportion. That wasn't an issue, neither was my age. (I'm still 5'3", that hasn't changed, but I'm now nearer 10 stone.)

I've had a lovely 17 year old staying with me since the end of May, she's gone from "I'm staying here because I have to, I don't want to, and I'm leaving on my 18th birthday" to calling my house 'home', not wanting to leave just yet, bringing her friends here, and mostly being quite happy. I'm giving her a secure platform to launch her adult life from, which is what I wanted to do.

Fostering services are crying out for people like you.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 17/10/2015 21:13

You sound like ideal foster parents! Especially if you were willing to take on a child with SN. Definitely look into it locally and at least find out more.

Wishfulmakeupping · 17/10/2015 21:15

Agree you sound like you'd make wonderful foster parents- I hope you decide to go for it

Lurkedforever1 · 17/10/2015 21:31

You sound lovely, go for it. And no reason you wouldn't be great with young children either, but it's the teens and kids with sn they struggle to place so even better if you are willing to volunteer for those groups.
So Yabu to think either your age or your weight makes any difference at all, they don't.

Original poster
Janeymoo50 · 17/10/2015 21:32

Pinktransit.....that is also something we have discussed at home.

OP posts:
scarlets · 17/10/2015 21:37

Go for it! Good luck.

Darnley · 17/10/2015 21:39

Hi. I work in fostering and you and your partner sound ideal.

PM me and I will give you the criteria we use.

mayhew · 17/10/2015 21:40

My colleague at 53 has just been approved as a foster carer. She still works full time so will offer weekend respite and older short term placements. She plans to increase when she takes early retirement after seeing how it goes.

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