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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being petty about money?

51 replies

moneyurghh · 29/09/2015 18:17

I recently did an activity with two friends, it was about £20 altogether and I paid. None of us have full time jobs right now so money is tight fit all of us but we have enough to to get by and have treats.

The idea was that they'd bank transfer me their share.

Friend 1 started a new job a day or two ago and after i messaged congratulating her and asking how it was going, I asked if she would mind transferring me the money when she got a moment.

She replied saying, "oh sorry I forgot im out tonight. 6 pounds right? With the new job hasn't been the first thing on my mind..."

I then left it saying no problem just buy me a coffee. But feel a bit stung that she has been so curt with me. Should I get a grip?

OP posts:
ThatIsNachoCheese · 29/09/2015 18:21

For £6 I would get a grip but I'm SHIT at asking for money back.

Original poster
moneyurghh · 29/09/2015 18:29

Ok thanks

Yeah normally I never ask but she has been quite direct with in the past and with 2x£6 it adds up a bit... But I will leave it, thanks Smile

OP posts:
DoJo · 29/09/2015 18:31

I don't think you were in the wrong to ask, but maybe she felt that you had only got in touch to congratulate her to tag on a request for repayment at the end. Having said that, I'm not sure I would have read her response as curt as it could easily have been a genuine apology for not thinking of it in the excitement of starting a new job.

Original poster
moneyurghh · 29/09/2015 18:32

Ok dojo thanks. She started the new job two days ago so we chatted a lot about that, then earlier today I just had a brainwave and thought oh I'd better remind her. So I'm hoping it didn't come across that way, that certainly wasn't my intention

OP posts:
Spartans · 29/09/2015 18:33

Why do you think her response was curt?

She said sorry and confirmed the amount. I don't see her being curt

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 29/09/2015 18:36

I don't think she's been curt. Maybe you are reading something into it that isn't there because you are feeling a bit sensitive about it?

Chasingsquirrels · 29/09/2015 18:37

I don't think her reply was curt.
I also don't understand why you said leave it and buy me a coffee rather than yes it's £6 thanks.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 29/09/2015 18:38

I dont think you are being petty btw, when you are skint you are skint, and you need money owed to you, back.

Original poster
moneyurghh · 29/09/2015 18:39

Thanks, I guess it's because I feel like I'm normally generous with her and my other friends and I feel a bit sad at the implication that im being grabby? I know that if the shoe was on the other foot I would have said I'd transfer it asap (takes like 2 mins right?) or just said, oh so sorry I'll treat you when we're next out!

This is her first "real" job and I'm studying so every penny does matter. I would just hate someone to feel out of pocket

OP posts:
Original poster
moneyurghh · 29/09/2015 18:40

Chasing I felt a bit shamed by the way she phrased it and thought maybe I was being mean. I know £6 is a small amount but I don't want to have to beg for it

OP posts:
Topseyt · 29/09/2015 18:40

That doesn't sound curt to me, but that may be subjective.

Not wrong to ask, but perhaps chalk it up to experience too. Next time you all go out together don't front things up. Either you all pay for your share at the time, or the activity doesn't happen. Then you aren't out of pocket with people promising to pay you back on the never never.

totalrecall1 · 29/09/2015 18:42

I am rubbish at remembering to pay people back money, always forget subs etc if its not direct debit I can never remember as I am always so busy. Think she is the same. Your ask was reasonable, and so was her reply, don't think she was being curt, just telling you why she forgot

Spartans · 29/09/2015 18:44

You weren't wrong to ask. But I don't think her response was in anyway 'shaming'. Is she the only one who hasn't paid or the only one you have asked?

Are you reading more into her response because you felt akward asking?

RandomMess · 29/09/2015 18:44

I think you read too much into her text (unless she was being deliberately rude?), £12 is a notable amount if you're a student.

Chottie · 29/09/2015 18:45

I would just chalk this up to experience and remember not to sub these friends in future..... I don't think you will see any money from them. If you're happy to pay, they are happy not to.......

Chasingsquirrels · 29/09/2015 18:46

Fair enough, just seems a bit odd to ask then when she try to confirm amount say it doesn't matter.
I don't think the amount is petty, particularly when it isn't insignificant to you.

Original poster
moneyurghh · 29/09/2015 18:48

Ok it's just I know her well and her tone seemed very much to me as if she was highlighting the amount to imply that I was being grabby! It was quite brusque within the context of our wider conversation

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Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 29/09/2015 18:48

Natcho all very having the get a grip attitude, but £6 while yes is not a lot but it's not a little either. If you're really on the bones of your arse, it's a few nights teas.

Wrcgirl · 29/09/2015 19:02

I would be unable to pay while out, can only do bank transfer at home. Her answer sounds ok, she would pay asap and explained why she forgot.

Corygal · 29/09/2015 19:12

Let this one go, but watch it. I have a friend (ex friend) who never paid me back for anything. In the end I decided I was no longer available to buy her company, partic as she and her husband were earning over 100k and I'd lost my job.

I gave her a few chances then stopped seeing her - rather a relief.

ThatIsNachoCheese · 29/09/2015 23:58

Livein, I did point out that I probably wasn't worth listening to as I'm shit at asking for money back!
If a friend had text me reminding me I owed them money I would transfer it straight away and feel awful.
I said get a grip as that was the wording op used.

arethereanyleftatall · 30/09/2015 00:05

I don't find her response curt at all, just honest. Thus, to me, your response of 'just forget it' was weird.

Original poster
moneyurghh · 30/09/2015 00:13

Ok thanks. I can see what you mean but I do know her and could read her tone. I just felt like she could easily have said "oh sorry completely slipped my mind! Just send me your details" or something like that which is why I didn't push it

OP posts:
Original poster
moneyurghh · 30/09/2015 00:15

I know this sounds ridiculous ridiculous but she can be very warm in her texts and I just detected a strange undertone! I will officially leave it now though thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
moneyurghh · 30/09/2015 00:15

Sorry didn't mean to write ridiculous twice! Iabvu!!!! Grin

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