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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being petty about money?

51 replies

moneyurghh · 29/09/2015 18:17

I recently did an activity with two friends, it was about £20 altogether and I paid. None of us have full time jobs right now so money is tight fit all of us but we have enough to to get by and have treats.

The idea was that they'd bank transfer me their share.

Friend 1 started a new job a day or two ago and after i messaged congratulating her and asking how it was going, I asked if she would mind transferring me the money when she got a moment.

She replied saying, "oh sorry I forgot im out tonight. 6 pounds right? With the new job hasn't been the first thing on my mind..."

I then left it saying no problem just buy me a coffee. But feel a bit stung that she has been so curt with me. Should I get a grip?

OP posts:
mileend2bermondsey · 30/09/2015 00:21

I think YWBVU to bring it up on the same message as you were congratulating her on her first ever real job. She was probably feeling elated/proud and then you pipe in asking for 6 quid.

Original poster
moneyurghh · 30/09/2015 00:23

Mileend - sorry but up thread I mentioned that that wasn't the case...

We'd been chatting for a couple of days and I was hugely congratulatory/proud of her. Then a couple of days in it struck me that if forgotten to ask her and other friend so just did it as a quick reminder.

OP posts:
FanOfSpam · 30/09/2015 00:32

Did you say curt? Because anyone who borrows even so much as a quid should pay up pronto, otherwise they are a cunt. Not curt. A cunt. Although she was curt as well, meaning she is a curt cunt.

Disclaimer: My pregnancy hormones may be driving my posts tonight Sad

mileend2bermondsey · 30/09/2015 00:34

hhmm yes I see that now, apologies.

I dunno. I would never lend something I couldn't afford to lose. If the 6 quid was genuinely that important to you, you should have all split the bill or whatever it was at the time. I would find a friend hounding me over such an amount really petty, but that's just me?

Original poster
moneyurghh · 30/09/2015 00:35

Fan I think I love you Smile

Sorry about pregnancy hormones btw! But I do kind of agree with you, I inow it's a very small amount of money but it annoys me that if I were in her shoes I would have just paid up, new job or not, rather than trying to make the other person feel guilty for asking. What does it take, 5 mins to do a bank transfer on your phone??

OP posts:
Original poster
moneyurghh · 30/09/2015 00:36

Mileend thanks but I wasn't hounding!! I asked her once and let it go instantly when she seemed reluctant to pay up. I'm normally too embarrassed to even ask

OP posts:
mileend2bermondsey · 30/09/2015 00:44

OK but your thread title is 'am I being petty about money'
I am saying yes, IMO YABU.

Take it or leave it? You don't need to argue your point with me.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 30/09/2015 00:47

I think you can tell best whether she was making a point or not - I don't think we really can, without knowing her.

6 quid is a bit on the borderline between 'petty' and 'significant enough to ask back'. It also depends on how much you can afford to miss it. I would be mortified to not at least offer, but would probably turn down any offers if it had been me who had paid out (caveat: unless I really needed it back, obviously).

YANBU, anyway.

Original poster
moneyurghh · 30/09/2015 00:47
Confused

I wasn't arguing, more drawing attention to points made in the thread already ie the fact I asked her about it once, rather than "hounding" and the fact it was in a separate text and not tied in with congratulating her?

But ta all the same.

OP posts:
HeteronormativeHaybales · 30/09/2015 00:48

I've just noticed you talk about 'normally' - does it happen a lot that you pay out for these friends and then don't want to ask back?

Original poster
moneyurghh · 30/09/2015 00:48

Sorry above post directed at mileend Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
moneyurghh · 30/09/2015 00:50

Thanks hetero, yeah normally I would definitely leave 6 but it was just annoying that it was 20 minus two lots of 6... So I was 12 out of pocket...

It's not so much these friends who do it but I sometimes feel that other people will all forget to pay if eg paying for a taxi as it's such tiny amounts and you end up being drastically out of pocket. That was the only reason I brought it up with her Smile

OP posts:
MoonSandwich · 30/09/2015 00:51

Geez, why is money such a touchy subject and why are people so worried about asking for it back.

You lent the money, you didn't give the money therefore there is no reason to be all coy and awkward about asking for it back. I didn't read the text as curt either.

I have no idea why you changed your mind about requesting the money back and changed it to asking for a coffee instead. If I was your friend I would think it odd.
It's irrelevant how much money it was. I like to treat my friends sometimes and they like to treat me but I would still expect a friend to pay me back money if it were money I had lent them.

I'm not shy to remind people if they owe me money. Why should I be? If I forgot to pay someone back I would definitely want them to remind me.

Original poster
moneyurghh · 30/09/2015 00:52

It's just the context of it which is quite annoying (sorry to drop feed), she took me out for my birthday meal very recently but then asked me to go halves as it added up to a fair bit. I had no qualms in doing so but just feel it's interesting that she's not shy about asking for money but is quick to forget about her fair share

OP posts:
MoonSandwich · 30/09/2015 00:57

That makes it even more Confused that you are being shy about asking her to return the money you lent her.

Are you worried that she will think you are tight or something?

mileend2bermondsey · 30/09/2015 00:59

she took me out for my birthday meal very recently but then asked me to go halves as it added up to a fair bit

That is extremely discourteous if she was taking you out as a treat for your birthday, which you presumably had not budgeted for. In very poor taste indeed.

DarthVadersTailor · 30/09/2015 01:04

Love the use of the word 'curt' here. Don't often see that term being used! But besides missing the point completely, I'd say it doesn't seem like a curt reply to me but you're definitely not bu to mention it especially if it's a case of money being tight - £6 can be a lot if you don't have it & need it. However I think you are bu to mention it and then brush it off by saying don't worry about it, if it's worth dismissing so lightly then why raise it at all with your friend?

Still, it's probably just a case of reading slightly too much into things and you'll probably find that next time it won't be you that has to pay (hopefully).

Namechangenell · 30/09/2015 03:32

I think too many people use the 'busy' excuse when it comes to paying back money. I bet they'd be canny enough and quick enough to ask if the situation were reversed.

Going back many years, an elderly local farmer knocked and asked my DM if he could use our landline (rural area). He tried to give DM 10p for the call and obviously she said no. He was adamant he needed to pay though, in case he 'ever needed to ask again'. Honest people pay their way and I'd be hurt if a so called friend made out I was being grabby by refusing to pay up. The amount (unless it's pennies) is largely irrelevant. It's the principle.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 30/09/2015 06:45

YANBU OP. I hate it when you are made to feel like the grabby one when you 'dare' to ask for your own money back! In the end, why shouldn't you ask? It may not be a large amount but it's your money.

Booyaka · 30/09/2015 07:03

It can be very hard when you start a new job, going from weekly benefits and living week to week to a gap of a month until you get paid and still having to pay for travel etc. I don't think the text was curt either but I would bear that in mind.

Flutterbutterfly · 30/09/2015 07:32

She owed it to you, if you need the money back £12 is a lot.
She should have transferred it.

Someone did this to me with £17 when I was very short of money. I didn't ask for it and was desperate for the money. You were right to ask and her text was rude considering she owes you.

Flutterbutterfly · 30/09/2015 07:34

And I agree wit PP I always pay back the small amounts so that I can ask guilt free. My friend who always has cash at school is great when I have forgotten non uniform day or bake sale. She always so oh don't worry it's only a pound but I'm clear that I will need to ask again ( crap memory)

pluck · 30/09/2015 08:03

I asked her once and let it go instantly when she seemed reluctant to pay up. I'm normally too embarrassed to even ask.

No wonder you're skint! Don't pay up front for anything in the future. With your friends, and your own timidity, you simply can't afford it.

As for her, if she really was being "curt" to you, she should be bloody ashamed of herself. She agreed to pay you back, so why go back on that?

Fluffycloudland77 · 30/09/2015 08:05

I think they ought to pay you back, that was the arrangement and they should honour it.

miaowroar · 30/09/2015 08:08

It amuses me when people don't bother over small amounts. If it's "only" £6 then it's "nothing" to pay it back is it? It's all very well to be dismissive over other people's money.

If I had been her I would have been embarrassed that I had to be reminded.

Next time I would say something like "Oh, do you mind if we split the bill now - it just makes it simpler in the long run".