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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not call in sick

46 replies

Candypops14 · 27/09/2015 12:49

I work part time 2 days a week and husband works full time 5 dayside week. His days off are the 2 days I work so we have childcare sorted between us.
Last week he was asked if he could cover a shop for 2 days it would involve him having to stay over night near the shop. One of the days would be his day of which is the day I work.
Now he knows he can't do this day because I work and we have no other child care(4 Young kids) But he said yes anyway!
He asked me if I could call in sick I said no.
Now he is saying they have booked his train ticket and hotel night so could I call in sick again I have said no!
Now this has blown into a big argument! From my view he knew he couldn't work this particular day but said yes anyway with out asking me, he's saying he said yes because they will pay him double pay.
Aibu to say no and not to call in sick?

OP posts:

EeyoresTail · 27/09/2015 12:55

I think I would call in sick. But stress to him it was a one off, never to be repeated.
Only if it doesn't cause problems at your work though

TheBunnyOfDoom · 27/09/2015 12:55

YANBU. He agrees to work, he sorts childcare.

Original poster

Candypops14 · 27/09/2015 12:59

That's the thing my manager is a pain, iv already called in sick twice (was actually ill) and I got in trouble for that! We are only allowed 3 days of sick. It's a small shop where I work so they would have to try and get someone else in to cover if I called in sick.

OP posts:

lougle · 27/09/2015 12:59

YANBU to refuse to lie.

Oysterbabe · 27/09/2015 12:59

I wouldn't lie to my employer but can you take some kind of parental leave? It might have to be unpaid though.

Eva50 · 27/09/2015 13:01

Can you take annual leave or unpaid leave for that day. I wouldn't phone in sick, it's tempting fate!

Original poster

Candypops14 · 27/09/2015 13:03

I don't think my manager would let me she's very arsey!

OP posts:

FadedRed · 27/09/2015 13:03

Annual leave? Unpaid leave?

Scarydinosaurs · 27/09/2015 13:07

He needs to sort childcare. You calling in sick is NOT childcare!

littledrummergirl · 27/09/2015 13:13

You are legally entitled to parental leave if you have a dc under 5. I would request this from my manager citing no childcare- I would then make my dh hand over my lost wages for the day, work out how much he has left and inform him of his hourly rate for the day.
Alternatively book the dc into emergency care and give dh the bill.
He ibu.

Lilaclily · 27/09/2015 13:15

Could either sets of grandparents help but with the proviso he phones and asks

LIZS · 27/09/2015 13:16

No family or friends who could cover? He needs to sort something out, paying if needs be. You could easily lose your job if you lie.

pinkyredrose · 27/09/2015 13:20

No don't do it! If you call in sick you'll reinforce to your DH that his decisions take precedence no matter the consequences to you. You'll give him the green light to do it again and to put him 1st and you 2nd. If he's unable to provide childcare then he needs to arrange some not ask you to fuck around with your job. He's essentially saying that your work isn't as important as his work.

Original poster

Candypops14 · 27/09/2015 13:21

My parents don't live near us and also both work full time so wouldn't be able to take time of even if they lived near, and his dad is in hospital atm. I told him I'm not calling in sick so he will just have to tell his work he can't do it now.

OP posts:

Original poster

Candypops14 · 27/09/2015 13:24

He does think he's job is more important because he earns more he has said it before!

OP posts:

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 27/09/2015 13:26

He agrees to work, he sorts childcare

We treat childcare as a thing that we discuss and arrange together. He's working, not planning a stag weekend, and I think it's fine to pull together to come up with a fair and workable solution.

However, it's obviously unreasonable to drop it on you, and of course YANBU. You are absolutely right to refuse to lie.

NerrSnerr · 27/09/2015 13:27

He's being an utter arse but I would probably take unpaid leave or parental leave on this one occasion.

PavlovtheCat · 27/09/2015 13:46

As said before, you are legally allowed parental leave. For example, what if one of your children were sick and you needed to be at home? your employer is unreasonable if they refuse to allow you to take time off to cover childcare. It's not like you take regular parental leave.

Don't call in sick as 3 days can lead to a formal disciplinary if that's the trigger point figure (although, tbh, your employer does sound like an arse if you have already taken just 2 days off when genuinely sick, people can't help being poorly).

It's not ok for your DH to presume your job is less important than yours, money aside, work is important for many other reasons and his does not trump yours.

HSMMaCM · 27/09/2015 13:57

Can't you just leave it up to him to organise childcare ? (Obviously not)

TheBunnyOfDoom · 27/09/2015 13:59

Yes, he's working, but on a day where he normally looks after his DC. He needs to arrange childcare, not expect his wife to ring in sick to help him! Cheeky git he is.

rookiemere · 27/09/2015 14:00

YANBU.

He's telling you loud and clear who has the important job (in his opinion) and who has the little wifey job and should be able to do that (quietly and always taking second place to him) whilst simultaneously being responsible for childcare.

Personally I'd threaten to give up my job. Your professional reputation clearly means nothing to him so he obviously doesn't want the money coming in to the family income either.

Seriously though for tomorrow I'd see if you can find something even if you have to pay through the nose for it - I wouldn't leave it to him as he won't do it. I wouldn't take sick leave - I can't lie to save my life and I would resent my DH forever if he forced me into the position where I had to. I honestly don't think my marriage could recover from it.

waxy1 · 27/09/2015 14:11

Tell him to call in sick.

Stillunexpected · 27/09/2015 15:40

People are confusing parental leave and emergency leave. Parental leave has to be applied for in advance and taken in chunks of no less than a week so is no use to you in this case. Emergency leave is designed to allow you to e.g. look after ill children. It is not meant for looking after your children when you know in advance that you have childcare problems. I absolutely would not call in sick, he has created this problem himself!

ilovesooty · 27/09/2015 16:00

What Stillunexpected said.
Parental leave is not for this sort of situation.
He caused this. Don't ring in sick.

amazonqueen · 27/09/2015 16:06

It depends .What would happen if the situations were reversed?

If you had been offered a large increase in your wages for 1 extra day of work would he call in sick to accommodate your needs?

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