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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not call in sick

46 replies

Candypops14 · 27/09/2015 12:49

I work part time 2 days a week and husband works full time 5 dayside week. His days off are the 2 days I work so we have childcare sorted between us.
Last week he was asked if he could cover a shop for 2 days it would involve him having to stay over night near the shop. One of the days would be his day of which is the day I work.
Now he knows he can't do this day because I work and we have no other child care(4 Young kids) But he said yes anyway!
He asked me if I could call in sick I said no.
Now he is saying they have booked his train ticket and hotel night so could I call in sick again I have said no!
Now this has blown into a big argument! From my view he knew he couldn't work this particular day but said yes anyway with out asking me, he's saying he said yes because they will pay him double pay.
Aibu to say no and not to call in sick?

OP posts:

CookieMonsterIsOnADiet · 27/09/2015 16:22

Why didn't you just request annual leave for the day? Surely it's give and take when it comes to work. Unless he asks every week, then as a one off I would have tried to arrange it so he could accommodate his works request.

pinkyredrose · 27/09/2015 16:25

cookie why the hell should she? He created this problem it's up to him to sort it out.

pinkyredrose · 27/09/2015 16:27

Besides that he's already told her his work is more important than hers so he's not exactly demonstrating give and take himself is he.

KevinAndMe · 27/09/2015 16:30

Well I would have tried to organise it if he hadn't forced it onto me wo any possible discussion.

I agree, he took an excetutive decision to work that day, he organises the childcare.

In reality though what will happen is that either

he will have to pull out and will a hell of a time to the OP. See his pov that he is more important as he earns more therefore she has to do as he decides.
she will have to ask for an emergency day off and will et a heel of a time from her manager. And maybe take the risk of losing her job etc...

Either way, it's the OP that will have a very hard time here....

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 27/09/2015 16:34

Don't call in sick, instead I would try and swap a shift and make it clear to him that he takes that day off so he can look after his own children.

This isn't your problem it is his.

InimitableJeeves · 27/09/2015 16:52

You really need to have in place a back-up, not just for this but generally - what would happen if one of you were ill on the day you're responsible for child care. Can you investigate something like nanny or babysitting agencies? I know it's expensive but it sounds like you don't have much choice.

Flomple · 27/09/2015 16:57

Of course YANBU and you need to make it absolutely crystal clear that this is not acceptable and he is NOT to do it again.

Is your work flexible at all? If so maybe you could swap for one of his normal days and he can take that day off in whatever way he sees fit. If not I think you need to tell him he has to renege on the extra work, or you take holiday, or you ask your boss for unpaid leave. And remind him, forcefully, that you are actually a person and not a doormat.

Original poster

Candypops14 · 27/09/2015 16:59

Usually his dad would look after them but he's having a operation in hosp, otherwise it would of been him, I said the same to him what if I had to work a extra day and I asked you to call in sick his reply was well that's different and he wouldn't be able to again implying his job is more important! I have told him no so think he is going to have to tell his work he can't do it anymore.

OP posts:

Pico2 · 27/09/2015 17:01

How would he react if you lost your job? That's what the risk is. YANBU, even on principle though.

ilovesooty · 27/09/2015 17:01

Good. Perhaps he'll think before he pulls a stunt like this again.

Flomple · 27/09/2015 17:01

Cookie there is a massive difference between one partner asking the other if they can do a swap, and one partner accepting the work and letting work book accommodation etc before they even check with their partner. It's a basic respect thing.

We swap bits of childcare all the time, but we always ask nicely and respect each other's work commitments.

Original poster

Candypops14 · 27/09/2015 17:03

My boss won't let me swap any days or take it as holiday as she expects notice, she doesn't usually let people have set hours or days so I'm very lucky she allowed me to, so don't want to do anything to risk loosing the job

OP posts:

rookiemere · 27/09/2015 17:05

OK are there any neighbors or friends you can call in a favour from? Your DH is being an arse, absolutely no doubt about it and you and he need to have a serious talk about it but for now focus on the immediate issue.

If you can't find someone (and yes I know it should be him but I wouldn't trust him to do it) then he needs to call in sick.

Snossidge · 27/09/2015 17:07

Tell him to join Sitters and arrange a babysitter for the day.

ilovesooty · 27/09/2015 17:09

No one needs to call in sick. He needs to tell his employer he's not able to do what he agreed to.

WhyBeHappyWhenYouCouldBeNormal · 27/09/2015 17:20

I would direct him to www.emergencychildcare.co.uk, he can subscribe and sort something out if he really wants to do this job.

I would not be lying to my employers for anyone, and I would be so so angry at him assuming I'll accommodate him.

WhyBeHappyWhenYouCouldBeNormal · 27/09/2015 17:20

Seeing as he's being paid double, I'm sure he can afford the emergency childcare.

Original poster

Candypops14 · 27/09/2015 17:22

I could of probably arranged for friends/neighbours to have the older 3 after school but the baby would have to be looked after all day, I don't think I'd be able to find someone to have him all day as they work/have other kids etc and he is super clingy atm! Just out of interest though incase we ever need a sitter do they do school drop of and pick ups? And have the baby or would it depend on other Children they have etc?

OP posts:

rookiemere · 27/09/2015 17:26

Candypops14 - I wouldn't be pricing up emergency care, I'd be pricing up permanent childcare.

Your H has shown that he is unreliable therefore I'd do what I'd do with any unreliable form of childcare - get an alternative.

WhyBeHappyWhenYouCouldBeNormal · 27/09/2015 21:00

Emergency childcare have lots of nannies, childminders and even nurseries with spare space, i've used it a couple of times - so if you found a nanny there they might do school drop offs and things.

It is more expensive, as its meant for occasional use only - you wouldn't use it to find a regular arrangement (although of course you might meet the nanny/childminder of your dreams through it)

CHJR · 28/09/2015 14:55

Sounds like one good way to be accommodating AND make sure this never happens again is to book emergency childcare that costs just as much as the extra money he makes from this job -- and make sure he knows it is coming out of the money he earned.
Don't ring in sick. Your job is important and he will do it again if you don't nip this in the bud.

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