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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

By not insisting dd (3) naps

26 replies

LittleMissLady · 23/09/2015 16:30

DD is 3 and 2 months.
She dropped her daytime nap about 2 weeks ago. Admittedly the afternoons can be hard work and are often stressful as she is tired by that point.

She wakes around 7/8am. Goes to bed at 8pm.
When she napped she was going to bed at 8, but fussing and creating until 9. She would then wake between 6/7am.
Since we cut out the nap she goes to bed and sleeps easily and al night long.

Today dp has had a day off and personally I think this has changed Dd's behaviour as she has acted up from the moment she woke up but he is insistent that it's cos she doesn't nap anymore.
He has also made a sly dig about me by saying 'you want her to sleep at 8 so you can have you time to relax' but it was said in a nasty way.
I need some time between the kids going to bed and myself going to bed to be alone and do something for myself before bed. He endlessly mocks this. He is implying I'm putting my needs before her need to nap.
But up u til 2 weeks ago I was fighting her during the day to nap.

So AIBU by not insisting that DD have a nap?

OP posts:
Hissy · 23/09/2015 16:36

Kids drop their naps around this time, and your dp doesn't even do the day to day and thinks he has an opinion? A right to snipe? Bugger that for a game of soldiers!

8pm is right for your child, and actually when they go to school/nursery etc sometimes they go to sleep even earlier as they are worn out.

You can't make kids sleep when you want them to. If you could you'd never have to work again if you could share your secret...

Seeline · 23/09/2015 16:37

Count yourself lucky that you got to over 3. Both mine flatly refused afternoon naps from 18 months onwards! IME if a child doesn't want to nap, there is not a lot you can do about it.

lushaliciousbob · 23/09/2015 16:39

Your dh is out of order making a dig at you like that. It isn't normal for a 3 year old to be going to sleep past 9 (I appreciate everyone is different) but children generally need between 10-12 hours of sleep. Hence most having a bedtime between 7/8. I also don't think you should full stop cancel out daytime naps. I think you should just see how your DD is throughout the day. Some days she may need a power nap of 30 to 60 mins whereas other days she won't need any. She is at the in between stage where some days she will need them and others she won't.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 23/09/2015 16:40

You've done well if she's napped to 3.

Is your DH normally such an arse?

bittapitta · 23/09/2015 16:44

I don't know any 3 year olds who still nap (I appreciate some do). Most over 2.5yo go to sleep much better at night without any daytime nap. But your OP isn't really about that, is it.

Fugghetaboutit · 23/09/2015 16:46

3 is a normal time not to nap anymore tbh.

My ds stopped at 20 months but will now and again depending on how he slept etc

Helgathehairy · 23/09/2015 16:49

My DD dropped naps at 21 months (the age is seared in my memory)

redskybynight · 23/09/2015 16:49

I found that just after my child dropped their regular nap, they struggled a bit. Got round this by introducing a nap every few days - maybe a couple of times a week. So it might actually be that your DD does need a nap today.

Original poster
LittleMissLady · 23/09/2015 16:52

Thanks. Glad to see that I'm not being a shitty mum by not forcing her to nap. I have explained to him that it is impossible for me to make her sleep against her will barring some sort of sedative but he just says I have to try harder at it.

As someone pointed out - he doesn't do the day to day so I am pissed off he thinks he can tell me I'm doing it wrong.

OP posts:
FattyNinjaOwl · 23/09/2015 16:54

Wow! My older 2 both dropped naps at 14 months! Youngest is only 7 weeks, so he still naps thankfully!
Your DP is being a dick. You can't force children to sleep if they don't want to.

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 23/09/2015 16:56

well when he is there next, give him the job, "go on then show me, superman"

InimitableJeeves · 23/09/2015 16:56

DP is being lazy - tell him so. I'm sure he would love it if she slept whilst he's in charge, leaving you to cope this evening when she doesn't want to go to bed.

None of my children napped during the day past the age of two and it is ludicrous to say that making them do so is just a matter of "trying harder". I wonder at what point he thinks you stop "forcing" her to nap? The day before she starts school?

bittapitta · 23/09/2015 16:59

You should leave him to it for a few days (go on holiday, and get him to take annual leave to cover childcare). He'll soon see. But this all sounds symptomatic of a relationship on shaky ground. Me and DH would never criticise each other's parenting and knowledge like that.

ijustwannadance · 23/09/2015 16:59

If he is there to mock you, why can't he put her to bed? It's normal not to nap at 3. The whole point is that they sleep longer at night. I think you should aim for 7 o clock bedtime though.

Gileswithachainsaw · 23/09/2015 17:03

Yanbu. my two both got to a point much younger than your dd where if they napped they were up late. but the transition is hard fir a few weeks and there will be some trying behaviour.

your dh is being an arse. toddlers whether they nap or not aren't going to be angels all the time and if he can't deal with that them he has bigger problems.than whether she's napping or not.

Hissy · 23/09/2015 17:54

Oh and newsflash... We are allowed to rest and relax...

I bet he flaming well does...

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 23/09/2015 17:55

Why should the OP aim for a 7 pm bedtime wanna dance? Smile

Hissy · 23/09/2015 17:57

Try harder? Really?

What a monumental prick he really is.

He knows sweet FA.

My ds never did the morning nap thing, and he dropped the afternoon nap beg he was 1.

The lunchtime nap dropped somewhere before 3. Children sleep the amount they need. Even twins can need different amounts of sleep.

Hissy · 23/09/2015 17:58

If you little one is happy going to bed at 8, that's fine, if they get grizzly/hyper etc, bring it forward.

pointythings · 23/09/2015 18:07

Your DP is an arse. It's perfectly normal for a child not to nap at this age, it's just that the transition is difficult. You may find that she will still nap occasionally for a while, it just won't be predictable, unfortunately!

All children are different. My DD1 napped until she was past 4 Shock, but DD2 dropped her nap well before 2 - they both slept like tops.

It sounds like you have a good bedtime routine, and you may well find that as your DD gets older and stars nursery/school that her bedtime habits shift again. You can't force a sleep routine, you can only nudge what comes naturally.

ijustwannadance · 23/09/2015 18:08

If DC goes at 7ish op would have more time to relax. Although dp won't like it and think she is lazy.

Original poster
LittleMissLady · 23/09/2015 18:19

Dp gets up very early for work and as such goes to bed same time as the kids. We rarely get any evening time together which also means he rarely gets any time without the kids around. So my thinking is he is actually resentful of my adult alone time.

I keep trying to bring bedtime forward to 7.30 as I think it would benefit her but it's actually dp who prolongs it. i have no idea why!

OP posts:
LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 23/09/2015 18:35

True Wanna ..Depends how early it makes her wake up though! Neither of my bigger ones have ever slept 12 hours, so I'd rather bed at 8 than up at 6!

EmmaWoodlouse · 24/09/2015 16:43

Neither of my DC would sleep during the day after they were 2, unless they were ill or on a long car journey. I don't think there's anything to be gained by trying to force it on a 3-year-old who isn't going to sleep easily and without a fuss. You're probably right that it was the change of routine, with DP being around during the day, that made her behave differently.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 24/09/2015 16:50

That's pretty much the same age my eldest stopped napping. I was 3rd trimester with no 2 which was hard as I had bad pgp so instead I told him he could either nap, or play in his room quietly for an hour. I got a break and he could nap if he wanted to or not if he didn't. He preferred not to most of the time.
I think your dp is wrong as its quite unusual to still be napping at three years old.