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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my son should be allowed home at weekends

66 replies

Skyfullofstars76 · 19/09/2015 19:59

My son is in a residential college which shuts every other weekend. This means that the young people are expected to stay there for a weekend. My son doesn't wish to do this.

OP posts:
LemonPied · 19/09/2015 20:01

Surely he and you knew this when he applied?

Original poster
Skyfullofstars76 · 19/09/2015 20:03

Yes we did but we didn't know that he was not going to get on with the other students in his accondomtion. It's a special needs college.

OP posts:
YouCant · 19/09/2015 20:06

What do you mean by it shuts every other weekend? That there are no staff supporting he students on the shut weekend?

BloodyBellyJeans · 19/09/2015 20:07

How old is he ?
Is there any way you can liaise with them and come to another agreement or do they have lessons at the weekend too ?

Original poster
Skyfullofstars76 · 19/09/2015 20:09

Well he gets to come home every other weekend. The weekend when the students are expected to stay they is staff.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skyfullofstars76 · 19/09/2015 20:09

No he doesn't have lessons at weekends.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 19/09/2015 20:10

Surely he can come home if he wants, he's not in prison ffs..

aprilanne · 19/09/2015 20:11

i thought these things were like school you could either stay or go home every weekend .i dont think they can make him if you are willing to do the transport i would ask if i were you .

Original poster
Skyfullofstars76 · 19/09/2015 20:12

No they want him to stay. If the la didn't have to pay fee's for the weekend then he could probably get transport home instead.

OP posts:
SurlyCue · 19/09/2015 20:14

he is your child. like I said on another thread yesterday, the school don't get to decide when YOU take YOUR child home. if you want to collect him at 11am on Wednesday you can! just go and get him.

BloodyBellyJeans · 19/09/2015 20:16

Schools only have to deliver so many hours of education a week
If you can get him home and back easily it shouldn't be a problem
I think this 'rule' is there because of funding
More residential students , more ££££

Puzzledandpissedoff · 19/09/2015 20:16

OP I don't know how old your son is, but my own son went to such a college (though this one worked "school terms" with a break only every 6 weeks or so)

I'm wondering whether, when yours is "shut down", it's just the formal tutoring which stops, if you see what I mean - are the remaining staff supporting them with others things such as shopping, tidying their own rooms and other things that would be of value, perhaps?

MatildaTheCat · 19/09/2015 20:20

Why not give it a term and see how it goes? I bet they do lots of social activities at the weekends and if he goes home he will miss out. These weekends haven't been arranged by some oversight, it's part of the educational/ social curriculum.

I say encourage your ds to participate and get the most out of the opportunity.

DixieNormas · 19/09/2015 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouCant · 19/09/2015 20:23

If he doesn't get on with certain students could you speak to the staff and see if they could introduce him to a new group of students? He can of course come home but if it is travel outside of what has been agreed in his budget then you would need to fund the costs yourself. That is pretty standard I believe. That said, the College might encourage him to stay for the weekends to enable him to continue to build his independence and manage his own free time rather than head straight home to be looked after?

I would speak to the staff and explain your concerns, you may need to be firm but I'm sure the College will have your son's best interests at heart

Original poster
Skyfullofstars76 · 19/09/2015 20:25

No these two weekends a month where they is no staff.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skyfullofstars76 · 19/09/2015 20:25

He doesn't get on with the students he lives with

OP posts:
Original poster
Skyfullofstars76 · 19/09/2015 20:27

The thing is I feel he had more independence at home then he dose at his college.

OP posts:
YouCant · 19/09/2015 20:29

I think you need to speak to staff at the College. It feels like there is missing information here. A residential college would not have periods of time where they were completely unstated if they are supporting or housing vulnerable students. It may be that teaching staff do not work but residential support staff would still be on site supporting the students

Puzzledandpissedoff · 19/09/2015 20:30

No these two weekends a month where they is no staff

Sorry, I'm unclear on what you mean about "no staff" ... is it actual teaching staff you're referring to? After all, if these young people have special needs (or even if they didn't, come to that) there must be some support there

Original poster
Skyfullofstars76 · 19/09/2015 20:32

No the college shuts two weekends a month where all students and staff are at him. the other two weekends are what they call residential weekends where all students are expected to stay and they are support workers in all the acomdation.

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 19/09/2015 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DixieNormas · 19/09/2015 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 19/09/2015 20:34

The thing is I feel he had more independence at home then he dose at his college

Can you tell us a bit more about what you mean here? Obviously I don't know your home situation, but generally young people develop more independence as they start their own lives away from the family home, rather than losing it; in fact that's exactly what most SN college try to encourage

Original poster
Skyfullofstars76 · 19/09/2015 20:35

Yes but I would like him to go home every weekend not just two a month.

OP posts: