Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to keep this gift from my XH?

39 replies

Itsacoupleofsongswhocares · 17/09/2015 23:32

I'll keep it brief, but just hoping for some opinions on this please? I've been with my lovely DH for a long time now, we have a brilliant Rship, 3 DCs. I Divorced my awful XH years ago.
DH and I moved house at the beginning of the year, Mountains of things were crammed away, but a week ago i I went through old boxes, and came across my 1st very old MP3 player. I'd forgotten about it. I put it in to charge and it still works. I think for that one time in the Rship, my X actually went 'all out', and put thought behind a gift . It has all the songs that i grew up loving. So when I found it, I charged it and have it ready to use again when I go out for a run walk.
My DH though, has really made this into an issue, and I don't know if he's actually right. He said I should get rid of it, and why do I need to 'be reminded' of my XH.
I don't see it as a reminder of anyone, its just the music I loved, and still like to listen to when I'm out on my own. Nothing else.
It really isn't a reminder of XH. He bought the present i know, but i liked the music before i even met him in the first pkace?.

I just would like to know if people on MN think IWBU to keep the present, or if DH is right and it should go? Thanks in advance Smile

OP posts:
superram · 17/09/2015 23:35

Keep it-I would be sad to lose it.

G1veMeStrength · 17/09/2015 23:37

YANBU. Unless you're listening to the music and sighing 'those were the days, I was young, life was simple' repeatedly. DH has times when he is reminiscing and to be frank it is is bloody boring!!

Homemadearmy · 17/09/2015 23:38

How would you feel if it was him using a gift from an ex partner?
Can you upload songs to your phone instead?

abigamarone · 17/09/2015 23:40

How does your husband even know it was a gift from your ex and not your own? I wouldn't have told him who it was from.
Anyway, since he does know, and is being a bit of an arse I'd probably stop using it - but only because you say he's actually lovely and I assume from that he's not normally the jealous type. I'd expect a replacement though.

Fatmomma99 · 17/09/2015 23:45

It's not the MP3 is it... it's the music that's on it. So either you or your new partner need to make you a playlist that makes you happy.

If he was clever, he'd re-make the playlist and add to it to make it more special. I don't know how you'd phrase that particular hint, though!

Cloppysow · 17/09/2015 23:46

Download all of the music from it onto a pc then get rid of it if it's a massive deal.

Morganly · 17/09/2015 23:49

It's a romantic gift from your horrible x that you are now raving about and upsetting your H. It would be easy for you to download your favourites to a new device and dump the old one. Just do it for the sake of your H's feelings. if he doesn't have a history of jealous behaviour, this particular thing is pushing his buttons so why make trouble when it's easily fixed?

Original poster
Itsacoupleofsongswhocares · 17/09/2015 23:57

That was quicker than JD hoped for...I am beyond hopeless with the PC (our youngest DC could operate it better). So I am just going to go the middle ground and ask DH, if he wouldn't mind downloading and putting such-and-such song onto a file for me, so I can put it on when I fancy a listen. If think that's best- that way I can still have my old music and he isn't annoyed where I got it :-) thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsacoupleofsongswhocares · 18/09/2015 00:00

Thank you everyone that posted Smile I didn't want to think either me or DH were wrong.can now be fixed in a night with no upset. Really happy it's been pain and hassle free!!

OP posts:
RuffWearer · 18/09/2015 00:01

He's being ridiculous and possessive. It's a (now presumably rather old) gadget for playing music, not some hugely symbolic object like a wedding ring. You are using it because it happens to work and have music you like on it, not because you're pining for some lost ideal. It's like complaining about you not throwing out half-used bottles of shampoo that pre-date your new relationship...

TheCraicDealer · 18/09/2015 00:03

Unless you're listening to a playlist called "Our Shagging Mix" then he's bang out of order.

Bumbledumb · 18/09/2015 00:03

Get DH to buy you a new MP3 player and transfer all the files from the old one and add some new ones.

Jux · 18/09/2015 00:05

Does he have a history of possessive behaviour?

Floggingmolly · 18/09/2015 00:05

Why did you tell him where it came from? Sounds like you made it an issue before he did.

Duck90 · 18/09/2015 00:16

How did he find out the history of the MP3 player? Maybe I should double check my partners old electronics

So you mention xp more than you actually realise you do?

Be pleased it still works.

steff13 · 18/09/2015 00:40

Get DH to buy you a new MP3 player and transfer all the files from the old one and add some new ones.

This was my first thought. You have an MP3 player you like and works, if he has an issue with it, he should buy you a shiny new iPod.

ReginaBlitz · 18/09/2015 00:51

Ffs it's an MP3 with YOUR songs on it. Your songs are your fave songs that will never change whatever I pod they are on, like others have said why tell him it was from the ex? Pretty shit thing to bring up should have kept your pie hole well and truly zipped

HeteronormativeHaybales · 18/09/2015 00:53

'He's being ridiculous and possessive.' This. Surprised at the number of people suggesting you pander to him by getting rid of the device, and suspect that he might also have an issue with you keeping the playlist.

Your XH is part of your past, of the life that has made you who you are. It sounds rather as if he would prefer that past erased. That would make me feel rather uncomfortable IIWY.

OhFuckWhatHaveIDone · 18/09/2015 00:54

Get DH to buy you a new MP3 player and transfer all the files from the old one and add some new ones.

If she's going to do that, I'd go for either a) the most expensive, fancy MP3 player I liked the look of or b) exactly the same model and colour, just to make a point of how stupid this is.

But yes, he's being a stupid (insecure? possessive?) twat. Not OP's problem.

Bumbledumb · 18/09/2015 01:53

The new Sony Walkman NW-ZX100 would be a nice replacement. Should be in the shops in October.

Bogeyface · 18/09/2015 02:04

Blimey, how many things would we all have to get rid of if our currents had issues with things that we had with/from our exes?

In my case...the house, my saucepans (I bought them but with money ex gave me), more DVDs than I can count, ditto CDs, the head board attached to our bed, its just stuff that is useful and I am not going to throw out on the basis that it was bought while ex and I were together.

And the same going the other way, H has loads of stuff from the past that have been gifts from exes that it would be stupid to bin purely on the basis that I didnt buy it for him.

He is being ridiculous. Its a gadget, it works, end of.

I assume that he knows where it came from because he mentioned that he hadnt seen it before and you said "Oh ex bought it for me years ago....look, it still works, who knew?! I will use it when I go running, I love this old songs"

Original poster
Itsacoupleofsongswhocares · 18/09/2015 13:03

Thank you for everyone's replies.
I never mention XH, he was in my distant life such a long time ago he's irrelevant to my life now.
DH knew it was a present from X because he asked me outright (he knows full well I wouldn't know how to make files able to copy and transfered onto a music player as I never use the PC, and since he hadn't bought me it, presumed it was an old present) I know that in this day and age that's a bit tragic but I genuinely am useless with electronics. I only recently started to use the digital camera I got at Xmas.

TheCraic haha, it's definitely not called 'our shagging mix' Grin
it's just old pop and rock from the 80s and 90s that I grew up listening to, nothing that reminds me of X at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsacoupleofsongswhocares · 18/09/2015 13:09

DH has said if he knew I wanted an MP3 player he'd have got me one I didn't want one, just found my old one I'd forgotten about!

He's said he can see why it is better than using my phone for music, so he's going to get me a better one with more space on it, and load it up with lots of different music that I like, and my old play list too. I think that is a pretty good outcome to a minor issue really! Thanks to everyone for their input x

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 18/09/2015 13:13

Music from before you met DH? That wouIdn't bother me. Otoh and I'm aware this might sound contradictory I think I would feel differently if it were something like a tattoo of an ex's name in a prominent place or a piece of jewellery ex had given that was worn regularly.

Whathaveilost · 18/09/2015 13:21

Your DH is being ridiculous! It's a piece of hardware fgs!
DH wears a watch that his ex got him 27years age. That's two years before we met. He only wears it on 'dressed up' occasions. Their relationship didn't end well.
He also has a bomber style jacket that is bloody awful but it was some sort of gift from a Jaguar car gathering, (or something ) that he won't chuck. He doesn't wear it, it's in the attic and he wouldn't fit in it anyway. He got that when he was with the ex. Not a deal at all for me

I don't get posts where new partner,DH, whatever wants history erasing.

Swipe left for the next trending thread