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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is taking the piss?

50 replies

HelpForAFriendInNeed · 01/09/2015 00:31

I am a bridesmaid for one of my good friends next month and we went on her hen do this month. It was a four day long affair. There's four bridesmaids and my friend, the maid of honour, had text me asking whether I thought she should organise gift bags for the hens. I didn't think they were necessary, but said that if she wanted to do that then I would help her make them up cheaply (a sash and miniature wine, or something like that).

Anyway, the other two bridesmaids are relatives of the hen, neither of who MOH and I know well. One of them messaged MOH and said that she would be happy to do a gift bag. MOH asked me if I thought this was a good idea and I said that if bridesmaid wanted to then why not. MOH told me there was a £30-40 limit per bridesmaid agreed with bridesmaid for gift bags and decorations for the hen do (banners and balloons).

Not long after the hen MOH and I text bridesmaid asking how much we owed her. She has just replied saying she's been through her bank statements and we owe £101 each. Other relative bridesmaid has said this is fine. I am not happy at all and think she is taking the piss, as does MOH.

AWBU? And if not, how can we refuse to pay that much whilst maintaining the peace this close to the wedding?

OP posts:
Patapouf · 01/09/2015 01:35

What was in the bag?
If you agreed to it, but didn't confirm the price, you should pay up. If this is the case ask for an itemised bill for it.
If you said no, then you said no and stand your ground.

bluesbaby · 01/09/2015 01:53

Just say you only agreed to pay up to £40!! And pay £40! Shock

Cabrinha · 01/09/2015 02:05

OMG?!!! Did you not notice that was do much (over priced shite?) in your goody bag?! What the hell did you get?

I think this sort of nonsense is just awful - why do people have to keep inventing more and more stupid things to spend money on, for weddings?

If this woman said £30-£40, then just tell her - you can only pay £40. Is there anything left you can still return to her?

MrsWembley · 01/09/2015 02:13

Ask MoH to let the other bridesmaid know that the limit was set at £40 and if she went over that then that was no fault of hers or yours. Pay £40 and say nothing else.

If the bride is a good friend, and the relatives mention it in a bit of a huff, then hopefully she will see your side.

Seriously though, what the fuck was in these bags? What else is she having you pay for in terms of decorations, etc.? It seems excessive even if you hadn't set a limit!

KanyeWestPresidentForLife · 01/09/2015 02:14

Ask her to itemise hopefully that will play for time, take it past the wedding and possibly get her to retract it. Plus it's good for you to have that info if there are any further problems. Then say you're only paying the £40 agreed.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/09/2015 02:17

I think this sort of nonsense is just awful - why do people have to keep inventing more and more stupid things to spend money on, for weddings? An unwanted, unneeded bag of tat for a four day event in anticipation of I bet a bigger day for two people to sign a contract. I mean really!

AimlesslyPurposeful · 01/09/2015 02:19

Sometimes responding with a limerick is the only way to go...

We agreed the bags would cost £40.00
So your new price is a farce
Granted that
It wasn't bad bits of tat
But you can stick your bill up your arse

BTW - What was in the bags?

MammaTJ · 01/09/2015 04:19

Just pay the price you agreed!

In the absence of a reply, I guess there was a gold plated robe, a tiara and some glass slippers as well as decorations!

Cabrinha · 01/09/2015 11:21

Come ON!
I need to know what was in the party bag!

Queenbean · 01/09/2015 11:24

What was in the bag?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/09/2015 11:27

If the limit was £30-£40 then I wouldn't pay more than that. How many people went? Did she really spend £100s on gift bags? I thought £30pp was pretty generous.

StealthPolarBear · 01/09/2015 11:35

Presumably it's £100 per bridesmaid to cover all of the hem party.
Just to be clear I still think that is ridiculous! ! But it's not 100 per bag

ElementaryMyDear · 01/09/2015 11:39

I don't even understand how this was a gift bag? How can it be a gift bag if you're paying for it? If the bride wants to give the bridesmaids something, surely it's for her both to choose and pay for the gifts?

HackerFucker22 · 01/09/2015 11:46

So all the hens got a gift bag and the bm and moh covered the cost at £101 each? When you had only agreed to pay £30-£40 each. So the cost has risen from £250 in total to £500?

How many hens were there? Is this cost on top of the cost of the actual hen do?

Pobspits · 01/09/2015 11:51

Just, what?

Cabrinha · 01/09/2015 11:56

Stealth OP clearly says the "£40" was for gift bags and decorations. I very much doubt it would be £100 for the hen as it was a FOUR DAY HEN!!! Shock

As I said above - the fuck is it with people inventing crap 'traditions' or 'events' to spend money on?!

And I agree, how is it even fun when everyone knows it's coming?

Absolute waste of money.

StealthPolarBear · 01/09/2015 11:58

No what I mean is the £100 is from each bridesmaid to buy decorations and gifts for the hen party.
Not that each bag contained £100 worth of gifts iyswim

MuttonDressedAsGoose · 01/09/2015 11:59

I need a more thorough accounting of what was in the bags and what else the 101 covers before I know where my outrage lies.

StealthPolarBear · 01/09/2015 11:59

So if there are 4 bridesmaids and 20 in the hen party the 4 bms pay 400 in total and each hen gets a bag with 20 worth of crap. Ignoring any money spent on decorations here.

fastdaytears · 01/09/2015 12:02

Ok I'm all ready to be outraged but before I jump in I need to know...

  • how sure you are that MOH passed on the message about the limit...the fact that she's paid up might mean she thinks she cocked up
  • what was in the bags! Fully itemised please..,
MuttonDressedAsGoose · 01/09/2015 12:03

Yes, we NEED to know what was in the bags! Absolutely need to.

StealthPolarBear · 01/09/2015 12:05

Hopefully something decent!
I went to a relatives hen night and another relative had done this, we all got a gift bag full of pamper stuff and make up. She paid for it herself and it must have been a fortune but she is very generous.

fastdaytears · 01/09/2015 12:07

I got paracetamol, plasters and a party popper. Only gift bag ever and I've only just noticed the P thing.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 01/09/2015 12:08

Did she misunderstand and think it was £30-40 per hen and the bridesmaids were covering it?

EponasWildDaughter · 01/09/2015 12:12

MOH told me there was a £30-40 limit per bridesmaid agreed

Keep it simple. The above is what you were told, and £40 is what you will pay.

How many hens were there?

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