To think this is taking the piss?

[HelpForAFriendInNeed]

I am a bridesmaid for one of my good friends next month and we went on her hen do this month. It was a four day long affair. There's four bridesmaids and my friend, the maid of honour, had text me asking whether I thought she should organise gift bags for the hens. I didn't think they were necessary, but said that if she wanted to do that then I would help her make them up cheaply (a sash and miniature wine, or something like that).

Anyway, the other two bridesmaids are relatives of the hen, neither of who MOH and I know well. One of them messaged MOH and said that she would be happy to do a gift bag. MOH asked me if I thought this was a good idea and I said that if bridesmaid wanted to then why not. MOH told me there was a £30-40 limit per bridesmaid agreed with bridesmaid for gift bags and decorations for the hen do (banners and balloons).

Not long after the hen MOH and I text bridesmaid asking how much we owed her. She has just replied saying she's been through her bank statements and we owe £101 each. Other relative bridesmaid has said this is fine. I am not happy at all and think she is taking the piss, as does MOH.

AWBU? And if not, how can we refuse to pay that much whilst maintaining the peace this close to the wedding?

So yeah - that's 5 x £101 she's asking for in total

She's spent £505 on gift bags? (One of them being for herself!)

What the hell did she put in there.

And please God tell me this isn't a thing now as well.I'm being MOH for my BF,there is no way I want any more shit to do.

This can't be right. Surely?

Am I missing something or are you basically having to pay for your own gift bag??

I want to know what was in the bag,??? A small puppy?!

I did little party bags for my 16 hens, I put in paracetamol, plasters, can of pop, bag of crisps, chocolate bar and glow sticks and think the total cost was £30 all from home bargains.

It was just a little thank you as they'd ask spent money on my hen do, it was very much appreciated and everyone was really surprised!

Just transfer her 40 and tell her that's all you can afford.

There was around 20 hens, the four bridesmaids paid for a gift bag for them all. The bride didn't pay towards the gift bags. fastdaytears my main concern is that the MOH has not specified the £30-40 limit quite as clearly as she's made out.

To be honest, when the MOH told me that the bridesmaid had offered to make up these gift bags I didn't put much thought into it and agreed, with the MOH mentioning the £30/40 limit. I didn't think in a million years the bridesmaid would spend £404, even if a limit hadn't been set. I realise in hindsight I should have made things much clearer from the off.

For those who wanted to know, the giftbags consisted of a shot, a penis straw, a personalised wine glass, a sash, pain killers, bubbles, party poppers, a tiara, a face mask, some chocolate, and I think a couple of other things that I can't recall now. The decorations were some balloons and some banners.

People were saying how nice these bags were at the time and I suppose they were, but £400?! It's a lesson well learnt for the future.

That doesn't, the bridesmaids pay for all the hens

I'm picturing the scene in Bridesmaids with the puppies in berets to take home as favours..

505 quid is a massive amount to spend on tat. Does anyone even really want a gift bag? Surely there are better uses for that amount of money...spend 30 quid on banners and balloons and put the rest behind the bar! Not that that amount should have ever even entered the equation.

Could you reply and say that you were told 40 and have budgeted accordingly and really can't stretch to the other 60 right now. Can some of the things be returned?

Oh I see it's after the fact. Yikes, hard if the 40 was only an estimate from MOH which was never confirmed with the bridesmaid doing the shopping.

I think there has been a miscommunication, and rather than £30 per bridesmaid to pay, somewhere along the line, the message turned in to £30 per hen for each party bag....

I agree with queenbean. I think there's been a miscommunication where £30-40 from each bridesmaid for all the gift bags has been misunderstand as each bag has max £30-40 worth of contents.

I think you need to text the bridesmaid and say that you had only budgeted £40 towards these bags are you're sorry if there's been some miscommunication but that's all you can afford.

Surely if it was £30-40 per bag you'd query it? Personally I suspect she's ripping them off.

That seems a lot for what was in the bags. We did similar bags (without the personalised glass ) for a hen recently and our worked out at less than £5 a head.

4 BMs plus maid of honor each paying apx £35 each for 20 hens equals around £8 being spent on each bag. Which sounds more like what MOH had in mind, yes.

Not £35 per hen! Daft mare. (the hen not you OP)

Stealth you're brighter than me
I hadn't clocked that there were more hens who weren't bridesmaids.
Makes more sense - but fucking hell, HOW is there an industry producing penis straws? What a load of tat!

OP, as the one you're friends with is the MOH and as she relayed the budget into, I suppose it's her you need to speak to. If it's her cock up, she should pay the extra £60. Not you. And certainly not the organiser of the Bags of Pointlessness.

that load of tat doesn't add up to £100+ for each bm!

i think they're trying to con you all!

i'm just musing over the prices we've paid for things like this in the past (cos i got nowt better to do on a summer afternoon) and a quick look on google:

Penis straws x10 £2 = £4
Shots pack of 48 individual shots from Home Bargains = £11.88
Sash £0.99 each x20 = £19.80
pain killers from Poundland £1 a pack x20 = £20

bubbles £1 each x 20 = £20
party poppers from Asda 35 in a pack = £1.50
Tiara with maribou decoration £1.55 each x20 = £31
face mask from Asda £1 each x 20 = £20
Personalised wine glass (i never done this) Google says cheapest starts at £2.86 each x20 = £57.20
Chocolate - you now what choc it was so check the price but Poundland do cheap chocs

So minus the chocolate you're looking at around £185.38, lets round it up to £200. So at the cheapest each bag could have cost no more than a tenner or so.

They either chose some very expensive TAT or they're pulling a fast one. £40 a bag for that rubbish is ridiculous and i wouldn't be paying that let alone any higher. They do know that their 'labour' is not meant to be 'invoiced'?

Ridiculous

i forgot the banner and balloons - again they can be bought pretty cheaply so i wouldn't pay more than £10.

So each bag was approx £20 if it's £400 divided by 20 hens? And you paid for 5 each so £100 each. Seems so expensive for bag tat! Agree with Don't, that stuff can be bought much cheaply but sounds like she's gone for the posh items. I hate these situations, the lack of
communication is ridiculous.. that BM is assuming you're all as well off as her and won't mind paying more. Not sure how you can refuse to pay now they've been bought? That would be an awkward wedding..

I don't think this sounds like a communication error

I think you were told £30-£40, quite reasonably interpreted it as a max of £40 and therefore didn't give any more specifics because you thought a max figure had been agreed?

on that basis, I'd only pay £40. It sounds harsh but do you have it on email, that original estimate? even if it went up to £45 she should have asked if that was okay.

I'm struggling to understand the concept of party bags for a hen party in the first place. Why? Just why?

It isn't as if it is a party for five year olds who expect a party bag.

When this stupid tradition start?

More nonsense expense for hen dos! Ludicrous cost per bag. I'd ask for an explanation!

What a load of tat in a bag! I agree there has either been a miscommunication and they thought up to £30-£40 per bag, the MoH didn't really commit to a budget with them and they spent freely or they went for the high priced tat and it really did come to that, or they bought cheap and want to make a profit for something else they have forked out for.

Either way, reply saying "I was under the impression that the BMs contributions were £30-£40 each and this is what I have budgeted for. Unfortunately I do not have spare £100 knocking about so I will pay my £40 that was agreed. I don't know if something has been miscommunicated to you but this was my understanding."

It seems insane to me that bridesmaids are expected to pay out at all. If that's the norm, I'm never going to agree to be a bridesmaid.

people were saying how nice these bags were at the time

Well, of course they were!
They're hardly going to stand there and say "oh look a tatty plastic tiara - Xmas just came early "

It's not that it's a bad thing to be given a penis straw - no, actually it is a bad thing to be given a or is straw - but chocolate etc, it's not bad. And of course people are swept up in the fun of the party, which is lovely.

But in the cold light of day... chocolate? Face mask? Clichéd tat that after £400 was spent I bet no-one actually cared about. It amazes me how easily new ideas are created to persuade people to spend money!
And as for the paracetamol - once past the age of 17, I'd even be a bit at the suggestion that I couldn't manage a night out without needing that. But then, perhaps I'm just dull that my idea of a good time doesn't include waking up with a headache (and a bag of tat to find house room for!)