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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mothers income invisible? Child maintenance

40 replies

CocoEnglishChanel91 · 28/08/2015 09:00

Advice please. My boyfriend and I have no children. His son lives with his mum, who earns £20k a year, plus WFT Credits, Child Benefit - and is living with her new partner, a police detective sergeant who earns £50k. Combined household income (including benefits) pushing £80k.

My boyfriend earns £28k per annum, sees his son every week, has great relationship with him. He has to pay over £200 per month to his ex, and has the Child Maintenance people crawling over and vetting his income.

Yet the £80k going into his ex''s household is classed as not being relative. Surely it is?

He's not trying to escape responsibility for paying for his son. Far from it. He's paid consistently from the off (over 15 years ) but it seems ludicrous to me that his ex can have whatever household income she likes and that's not a factor.

It just feels very unfair to be, with everything seemingly weighted on his ex's side.

Why is the parent with care's income not relevant? Doesn't the child have two patents?

From people with experience is what I say about patents with care correct? And could it impact on me if we move in together?

Thanks

OP posts:

ToTheGups · 28/08/2015 09:02

If their household income Is that high they won't be entitled to tax credits.

Of course your boyfriend should pay for the child he created, based on his income. Just because his ex is doing well doesn't mean she should subsidise your boyfriend.

BitOfFun · 28/08/2015 09:02

Have a little think for a minute.

redexpat · 28/08/2015 09:06

Of course your boyfriend should pay for the child he created, based on his income. Just because his ex is doing well doesn't mean she should subsidise your boyfriend.

This.

Singsongsung · 28/08/2015 09:07

You include the ex's partner's salary into that £80k but not your own salary (assuming you have one) into the £28k you say your partner earns. Either it's one or the other.
The ex's own money is £20k, your partners is £28k- therefore he earns more than she does.

Sirzy · 28/08/2015 09:08

So what your saying is another man should pay part of your parntners responsibility?

Osolea · 28/08/2015 09:09

Are you for real? Feeling like I'm probably responding to a wind up or a reverse, but anyway.

If your boyfriend isn't trying to escape responsibility for paying for his son, then what's the problem? Presumably you are aware it costs more than £400 a month to house, feed and clothe a child as well as providing all the other things children benefit from, so surely you can see that the child's mother is providing more than your boyfriend.

The mothers household income doesn't need to be taken into account, because even if she were a billionaire, the other parent still has to provide something for their own child. What they pay should be relevant to what it costs to bring up a child, not what the other parents income is.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 28/08/2015 09:09

How do you know how much your partner's exes new partner earns? YABU if you want his income to be taken into account but don't want yours to be. Why should he support your partner's child but you shouldn't?

SaucyJack · 28/08/2015 09:09

Do you have concerns that the maintenance your ex pays isn't being used for his son's living expenses?

bigsnugglebunny · 28/08/2015 09:10

I'm afraid that it is irrelevant how much the parent with care earns - this is because it is worked out as the non-resident parent (NRP) paying a set percentage of their income towards their child, whereas the RP has the full responsibility of clothing, housing, feeding, educating and taking care of the child every day.

I think the percentage is lowered if the NRP has more children living with them to pay for. It is also lowered if the NRP has the child regularly overnight, to account for those costs I think that is on a sliding scale.

I'm not too sure what the base percentage is these days - I think its 15%

Jayne35 · 28/08/2015 09:10

Also the new partners income is irrelevant, he shouldn't have to pay to bring up some one else's children, many step dads do anyway but that is beside the point. As per ToTheGups comment, your boyfriend should pay, and I say this as a previous NRP and RP - Exh and I each had a child living with us, I worked and he didn't so I paid considerably more and I'm thankful my partners salary wasn't taken into consideration either way as I would have paid more for my DS and received less than the measly £5 p/w for my DD.

msgrinch · 28/08/2015 09:11

Why should her new partner have to pay for your dps child? Her dps income is irrelevant, it's not his son. £200 is a pitiful amount in the scheme of things!

stitchglitched · 28/08/2015 09:13

So if her partner leaves her is your boyfriend willing to triple his maintenance payments?

Andcake · 28/08/2015 09:16

I think you answered your own question 'doesn't the child have two parents' yes and your bf- the dad should pay his share. It has nothing to do with anyone else really.
Also paying from the off - why is this a virtue - it is the bare minimum of a decent human being!

Andcake · 28/08/2015 09:18

And agree with above £200 a months doesn't go very far- especially with a 15 year old

blueballoon79 · 28/08/2015 09:20

As others have said; the mums income is irrelevant. Your partner is paying to raise his child and at £50 a week, he's not paying a great deal either.

W00t · 28/08/2015 09:23

£255 would be the minimum 15% payment, so your boyfriend isnt really contributing as much as he could, is he?
I dread to think how much it costs to feed/clothe/house a 15yo! Mine are still small, and cost enough.

Rebecca2014 · 28/08/2015 09:23

So I suppose your income should be taken into account??

Oh no, well be quiet then dear.

pinkdelight · 28/08/2015 09:29

£200 a month??? And you're complaining? You have to be joking...

Alfieisnoisy · 28/08/2015 09:29

Just adding to what others have said, £200 a month isn't that much. I am lucky if I get even that from my DS's Dad.

Fact is that unless you want to pay a percentage of your income to this child then a partner's income isn't relevant.

jacks365 · 28/08/2015 09:36

I can understand how you feel but you need to rethink things. I know that my ex is very irritated that he has to pay money to me to support our child when I have a far higher standard of living than he does however what he does pay doesn't come anywhere close to covering half of what I pay out for our child it's more like 10% if that. He is the child's father and he has a responsibility to the child and whether you are talking about my ex or your bf then the responsibility to the child is completely separate to what the mother has.

DiscoDiva70 · 28/08/2015 09:38

First it's moaning about the maintenance that your dp is paying (which is a crap amount btw)
The next thing in my opinion will be you finding fault with the mother.

Sidge · 28/08/2015 09:40

Well it costs more than £200 a month to feed, clothe, care for and support a teenager. And your boyfriend's son is benefiting from his mother's new partner's income I'm sure, in terms of luxuries, holidays etc.

His mum won't be entitled to tax credits once moved in with her partner and her child benefit may reduce so overall she won't exactly be rolling in it.

Maybe if it bothers you so much have the son come and live with you both? Then you'll see just how much it costs to raise a child and you'll have the satisfaction of knowing she's £280 a month worse off

Rainbowlou1 · 28/08/2015 09:40

I used to get £95 a month from my ex...if I was lucky!
Once my bills are paid pretty much all of my salary goes on caring for my kids, I could never put aside an exact amount per month and say 'that's for them'.
Some months when they need school uniform, school trips need paying, they have friends parties or I'm driving them around more than usual it is crippling! Other months not so bad-you just can't put a set amount in what it will cost each month so your dp's contribution may not even stretch to cover the difference at times.
My ex pays nothing and doesn't see her anymore (his choice) -be grateful your partner isn't one of them

Lweji · 28/08/2015 09:45

He's paying for his child, not their household. But I'm sure that has been covered.

Put yourself in the position of having his baby and living apart.

Are you prepared to become a step mother, or just someone who happens to live with this man?

lunar1 · 28/08/2015 09:48

How much do you earn? You must be so embarrassed that your boyfriend is paying such a pittance for his child.

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