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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not say anything but feel a bit annoyed

40 replies

mommy2ash · 21/08/2015 00:29

It was my birthday today and my brothers tomorrow. It's my 30th and my brothers 28th so somewhat of a big one for me.

My mum got me a candle a lavender one to be precise when I really don't like lavender and she knows this. My brother got trainers and a track suit that cost over 200 pound.

It's childish to be annoyed I'm an adult after all but it's a bit rubbish isn't it. Especially when we were given our gifts together and everyone laughed when I opened mine.

OP posts:
Theycallmemellowjello · 21/08/2015 01:28

Yanbu, that's really horrible of your mum. Do you know why she would have done this? Depending on your relationship I think it might be ok to say to her you're hurt.

Baconyum · 21/08/2015 01:39

Know how you feel. YANBU. But appreciate why you're not saying anything Flowers

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 21/08/2015 01:43

What a shitty thing to happen on your birthday. Yadnbu to feel hurt.

If your mum has no prior 'form' for this behaviour, is there any chance there's a surprise gathering at the weekend and you'll get a proper present? And I don't necessarily mean a £200 present but something you actually like if people knew you didn't like lavender.

possibly has ruined the surprise

ShadowLine · 21/08/2015 07:14

YANBU. That's really hurtful. Is this sort of behaviour typical of your mother?

Reubs15 · 21/08/2015 07:17

That's pretty harsh! Hope you had a good birthday despite the present! FlowersCakeWine

DawnOfTheDoggers · 21/08/2015 07:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoffinMum · 21/08/2015 07:21

What a mean woman.
Give her a lavender candle in her next birthday and watch her reaction Wink

catzpyjamas · 21/08/2015 07:24

Happy Birthday! So sorry you got a rubbish gift. YANBU, lavender candles are a bit meh and even worse if your DBro got cool stuff. It doesn't matter whether you're 10 or 30, it still smarts when a sibling is favoured.

Just a thought though - Are you sure it wasn't to throw you off the scent of something else planned?

Notgrumpyjustquiet · 21/08/2015 07:32

Throw you off the scent Catz, I like it. Seriously OP, if it's not a diversion from some massive surprise party over the weekend I'd wrap it up in tinsel and give it back to her at Christmas.

Happy birthday anyway! Cake Wine

RoboticSealpup · 21/08/2015 07:33

Wow, that's incredibly mean. You're definitely not being unreasonable to be upset about this. Is your brother unemployed while you have a great career and lots of money of your own, or something like that?

JustMeOverHere · 21/08/2015 07:36

I know what she would be getting for Christmas if it were me...

Original poster
mommy2ash · 21/08/2015 07:37

Thanks for the responses definitely no surprise I'm a single mum so if I were to go anywhere it would have to be organised in advance with babysitters and that.

This isn't really new for my mum so I shouldn't be surprised. For Christmas every year she gets me and my sister matching pjs but my sisters I'm a size 8 and mine in size 18 and loudly explains it's because I'm so much bigger than my sister. The biggest I've been is a size 10 but I am usually an 8 as well.

OP posts:
AuntyMag10 · 21/08/2015 07:40

Wow op your mum sounds like a horrible woman. Cruel in fact. So sorry she had to get her jab in on your birthday. Try to make the best of it from now. Happy birthday Brew

Original poster
mommy2ash · 21/08/2015 07:41

Oh and my mum loves lavender and has a ton of those candles so it's likely just one she had lying around it's not even a posh candle lol.

My brother is unemployed and I do work however he lives at home rent and board free and I'm in a minimum wage full time job and was financially better off for the period of time I was job searching. She knows I'm struggling right now.

OP posts:
TheCatsMother99 · 21/08/2015 07:41

I feel for you, OP. YANBU.

I love candles and I love lavender, just not together, because I wouldn't want my whole house to stink of it and I'd also be upset if that was my 30th Birthday present.

I don't even know what to suggest.

Have another slice of birthday cake and some wine SmileWineCake

Icimoi · 21/08/2015 07:43

Give her the candle for Christmas.

Original poster
mommy2ash · 21/08/2015 07:43

To be a bit more positive my little girl drew me a lovely card with a picture of us together telling me how awesome I am and got up early to make me toast in bed before work so it wasn't all bad. You have to appreciate the good :)

OP posts:
WitchOfAlba · 21/08/2015 07:48

She sounds really mean. I like Icimoi's idea, give it to her for Christmas.

RoboticSealpup · 21/08/2015 07:50

Your daughter sounds amazing, OP. I'm sure you'll have a great relationship with her when she grows up! Smile

TheHappinessTrap · 21/08/2015 07:52

Thats awful op. Learn from this and the Christmases, etc., and adjust your relationship accordingly. It won't erase the hurt but will give you more control.

CalmYourselfTubbs · 21/08/2015 07:56

Agree with above. she gets that effing candle for xmas.
she's a total bitch who deserves no better.

Debinaround · 21/08/2015 08:03

That's shit op. Sad

I agree, wrap the candle up and give it back to her for Christmas.

I would also try the pyjamas on over your clothes in front of everyone and let them see the bottoms fall at your ankles, then make a comment about not knowing why she ALWAYS buys you the wrong size. Maybe it's time she got her eyes tested as new glasses are defiantly needed. Angry

Happy birthday WineThanks

Original poster
mommy2ash · 21/08/2015 08:07

I like the idea of actually trying them on :) I did mention they are clearly not my size but get told I'm a drama queen aparantly

OP posts:
GloGirl · 21/08/2015 08:10

Parents often over indulge those who they think are less capable - it's a vicious cycle. Maybe if your mother was more fair he wouldn't be unemployed living with his Mother. You are obviously doing well in life, having children and a job. Your brother might have a £200 suit but he is missing out on the richness of life.

Forget your Mum and concentrate on how lucky you are to be so loved by your daughter. You must be a wonderful Mum Flowers

QwertyBird · 21/08/2015 08:44

Same here OP. It's horrible isn't it? My 21st I had a child, was skint, got a necklace handed over by my siblings as my parents had gone away. My sister's 21st she had a convertible car (not a cheap one!). My 30th I had a bag of small gifts, her 30th she just had something that cost several thousand. I can't say what, as it would out me. Better still my mum plans to spend several more thousand on another one for her less than a month on. My sister's household income is in excess of 100k, and ours is 20k. I totally understand how you feel. Please do try them on next time, and keep the candle to give her for Xmas!!

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