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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off by this insensitive comment?

43 replies

GrizzlebertGrumbledink · 17/08/2015 16:40

My first AIBU, don't hold back.

I have an eight week old son, he's your average baby - eats a lot, cries a lot, occasional precious smile. Yesterday I had a friend and her daughter over for tea, friends baby is a couple of weeks older. Of course her baby was angelicly quiet the entire time but my baby screamed the entire afternoon whilst I desperately switched him from breast to bouncy chair to my lap in an effort to calm him down. I got quite stressed by the whole thing and with the usual sleep deprivation was pretty close to tears.

Instead of the camaraderie I expected from another new mum she said "you can tell he's going to be a spoiled mummy's boy can't you?" I had no clever retort, I just resisted the urge to cry and jiggled my screaming son a little bit harder.

AIBU to be hurt by this? I know I should probably just let it go. Is it possible that my baby was screaming because he was devastated that I'd let this troll into our house?

OP posts:
Coffeemarkone · 17/08/2015 16:42

" Is it possible that my baby was screaming because he was devastated that I'd let this troll into our house? "

for sure.

This is only the beginning grizzle - you have years of stupid comments to come Grin

Silvercatowner · 17/08/2015 16:43

Horrible thing to say. I bet her baby turns into a terrible dull toddler and a grim teenager - yours will be delightfully brainy.

Goshthatsspicy · 17/08/2015 16:44

Your friend wins the award for the daftest comment of the week.
I'd guess she is also tired, so unaware she has starting communicating in gibberish!

FenellaFellorick · 17/08/2015 16:44

Grin well, no, he is 8 weeks old, he didn't have a clue what was going on but I know you're kidding about that. Yes, she probably thought she was being funny. Some people can say really rotten things.

Best thing to do is to ignore or look puzzled and say in a confused voice "what a strange thing to say to me"

babies cry. all of them. She knows this. She'll have had to deal with it too.

Thanks that you're suffering the lack of sleep. I remember that. It's ruddy horrible.

Is there anyone who can have him so you can nap for an hour on a regular basis? Family member who might come over and help out? i know it's not always available but if it is - use it!

DonnaMoss · 17/08/2015 16:45

I think your friend was a smug cow. Ignore ignore ignore Flowers

TheWatchersCouncil · 17/08/2015 16:47

What a fucking horrible thing to say. Insensitive, unhelpful and inaccurate. And this is a 'friend'?!?!?

YANBU at all. I'd most definitely hold a grudge about this (but that's the way I am). But as coffee says, simply by virtue of having produced a baby you are now in for years of 'helpful' comments and advice, so just let it go and chalk it up to her being a cowbag.

PavilionGrey · 17/08/2015 16:53

Oh, YANBU at all, people can be so thoughtless, and its always those comments that stick in your mind, aren't they?

Smugness is never wise where DCs are concerned, there but for the grace of God goes she and all that.

Elledouble · 17/08/2015 16:54

What a witch! You're in the really tough bit - it won't last forever, honestly! - and that's such a horrible thing to say.

Have you tried white noise at all? I seem to suggest this as a solution to everything, but it genuinely used to stop my son screaming like magic. There's an app called Sound Sleeper that has a variety of different white noises that you can play. Good for sleep, too.

Original poster
GrizzlebertGrumbledink · 17/08/2015 16:55

Aw you're all so lovely, I feel better about being hurt by her comment now as I thought maybe I was over thinking it. No family about but my husband is fantastic at taking the little one out for a couple of hours so I can sleep or have a nice long bath.

I'm an expert grudge holder and shall get my revenge in due course. When I say 'friend' I actually mean 'acquaintance who happens to have conceived at a similar time' so there is no real love lost - i just expected a little more understanding

OP posts:
PavilionGrey · 17/08/2015 16:55

p.s. can you tell that someone today commented (loudly and publicly) that my 15 day post partum tummy was looking 'a bit deflated'?

Like you I just couldn't find a witty retort and instead fought back tears Sad

TheReluctantCountess · 17/08/2015 16:57

It won't be long before you can have revenge, I'm sure.

Original poster
GrizzlebertGrumbledink · 17/08/2015 16:59

Oh Pavilion my own mother made a similar comment to me! We should plot revenge together, jelly bellies unite!

OP posts:
kiwiquest · 17/08/2015 16:59

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Babies cry it's just what they do. As a tiny baby DD had such an epic scream on her, at a weigh clinic she once reduced a whole room full of babies to tears. Cue some dirty looks and sweet mutterings about not being frightening by the nasty baby!!?? Now she's older and generally smiley and delightful. A family member commented that DD was actually quite a nice baby now she wasn't such a squalling lump anymore......HmmConfusedAngry

BrieAndChilli · 17/08/2015 17:02

Ds1 was a model baby, people commented on how well behaved he was, how he never cried etc, when he got to about 18 months e started head banging and now is an 8 year old with AS,
Just saying you never know what the future holds, never be smug!

ApocalypseNowt · 17/08/2015 17:03

White noise is a great idea.

Next time 'friend' starts making stoopid comments simply go "SSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH" as loud as you can until she stops talking.

TheWatchersCouncil · 17/08/2015 17:04

FFS. Of course your stomachs are looking deflated. Another person plus placenta has just vacated your body. Jeez.....

NinjaPanda34 · 17/08/2015 17:08

She'll always have a comment though, she's been there done that two weeks earlier so she'll obviously be the expert. How tiresome. And smug. Ltb :)

BarbarianMum · 17/08/2015 17:09

What a bitch. Obviously to have a real boy you should have weaned him at 3 weeks and by now he should be down t'pit earning his keep Hmm

SomethingFunny · 17/08/2015 17:10

Could it be that she didn't mean it in a nasty way, just as a (badly worded) compliment in the same way people say "she's going to be a real Daddy's girl and have him wrapped around her little finger".

Still a stupid thing to say, but might not have been meant nastily.

(I like to try and think the best about people!)

TRexingInAsda · 17/08/2015 17:12

What a cunt! How can someone be nasty about a baby - pretty newborn at that, what an absolute bellend. x

TobleroneBoo · 17/08/2015 17:15

If you didn't reply then you are a better person than me, I would probably told her to go fuck herself, but then I'm not a very nice person nor am I a mother

sebsmummy1 · 17/08/2015 17:19

My ebf son was always crying whilst the other babies I was around were so placid and quiet.

I'll always remember attending some SureStart event on weaning. There were about 20 mothers and babies in the room and only my son cried throughout. I had to buy a sling to try and keep him on the move, that helped slightly. He also had reflux which may be an explanation for why he was fretful.

One comment that sticks in my mind was from a so called friend who formula fed and said she was 'sick of seeing my boobs'. I binned her off soon after as I had really really struggled through some very difficult months of breast feeding and didn't need to be made to feel shit about it by someone who was meant to like me.

Fast forward a few months and now years my 'fractious baby' is now a very contented toddler who slept through from about 8 months and has continued to be an amazing sleeper and a very calm personality.

cardibach · 17/08/2015 17:21

DD screamed for the first 9 weeks. Even the HV was shocked - never seen one like it, she helpfully told me. She is now 19, independent and very lovely. She has barely even cried since she stopped screaming all those years ago! You'll get through it, and your baby will prove her wrong.

Findtheoldme · 17/08/2015 17:22

How lovely that your baby feels loved by you. Ignore the silly cow. Don't have her round again until she grows up and gets a thoughtful chip inserted.

Lovelydiscusfish · 17/08/2015 17:25

Is she a long-standing friend, or someone you met recently, through NCT or similar. If the latter, I'd cut her loose. She sounds at best dreadfully tactless, at worst smug, judgemental and supportive of harshness to babies.